- Doc Peter McGill: Folks, what is it that we all want? I ask you, what is it? Happiness! And you can't have happiness without health. And that's what I'm here to tell you about: health! And I can say without fear of contradiction, that if you follow the instructions in my little book closely, you'll never be sick again, as long as you live. Now, friends, before my assistants pass among you copies of this remarkable little book, I wish to introduce to you the most beautifully formed woman in all the world. Venus, herself, might envy her. A perfect specimen of womanhood! An amazing example of clean living and right thinking.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Hello everybody. You may be surprised to hear that as a child I was deformed and practically a cripple. No one ever dreamed that one day I'd be well and strong. And I'm here to tell you that no woman should be discouraged with her figure, her face or her complexion. The truth is that thousands of tired, sick and overweight women have already proven that radiant health and a perfect figure can be acquired by following the instructions in Dr. McGill's Health book. I'm glad to have the opportunity to thanking Dr. McGill for my astounding good health. I thank you.
- Mrs. Bessie 'Ma' McGill: Here you are, folks. Here you are! How to select a wife. Hints to men over 60!
- Doc Peter McGill: I'm just a laborer in the vineyards of the Lord. Lilly, sometimes you're a great temptation to my poor weak nature.
- [patting Lilly's behind]
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: And to your wandering hands.
- Bob Chandler: Who's sick in there?
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: The strong man's having a weak moment.
- Bob Chandler: Where do you go from here?
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: It's always the same town. The names are different, that's all. Ask me if I like this life. I'm crazy about it. It's the gypsy in me.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Doesn't it burn you up not to do the things you like to do?
- Bob Chandler: Well, I discovered a long time ago that the world wasn't operated for me. You have to wait your turn.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Sometime your turn never comes.
- Bob Chandler: If you have faith enough in your self - it comes.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Gee, you've got a swell slant on things.
- Mrs. Bessie 'Ma' McGill: It's about time for her to start taking up with another man. It makes me sick seeing her go after a nice boy like that. He doesn't know what kind of a woman she is. He's such a nice boy.
- Bob Chandler: Here I am, working out elaborate plans for the future.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Oh, don't lets bother about the future, this is all so perfect. I feel like I've been born all over again. Oh, Lilly! You're talkin' like an Easter card.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: What are you thinking about? Is it Dave? Because, if it is, I want to tell you that I'm married to him; but, we've never - well, we've never lived together. He did me a great favor once. Somthing I can never forget. But, he has nothing to do with us. Has he? You believe me, don't you?
- David 'Dave' Dixon: Ain't you cold up there Queenie? Oh! Me, Big Corn on the Cob, bring 'em pale face - firewater. Go ahead, Queen. Keep 'em from catchin' a cold. You got frost on your hat now. Come on, come on. It'll do you good.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: I tried to chisel some happiness for myself. Ha! That's a laugh. Nobody can ever hang on to anything.
- Doc Peter McGill: Ah, Lilly. You gorgeous creature!
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Something in the creature about you too, Doc. Something wild and primitive.
- Doc Peter McGill: You always arouse the beast in me, Lilly. When I look at you, time disappears. I see you as the incarnation of all the sirens of the ages.
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: Tell me more.
- Doc Peter McGill: You make my life very difficult. It's just one continuous battle with my lower nature.
- Doc Peter McGill: Lilly, did you notice it was raining?
- Lilly 'Queenie' Turner Dixon: But it's not Sunday.
- Doc Peter McGill: I never seen such a run of dry Sundays.