Chocolate Lizards

Greetings again from the darkness. Life in west Texas can be harsh. There is nothing romantic or picturesque about the land ... unless you are one of the lucky land/lease owners who have become rich by striking oil. Complementing his long career in the art departments of some massive blockbusters, Mark Lambert Bristol directs his second feature film from a script Julie B Denny, adapted from the 1999 novel "Chocolate Lizards" by Cole Thompson.

Former Harvard student Erwin Vandeveer (Rudy Pankow, who I also saw in 5 LBS OF PRESSURE this week) has just gotten his big break as an actor. He hits the road for the drive from Los Angeles to New Orleans, and is awed by having his name on a set trailer. Now, we've all had some jerk ruin the moment during a movie by checking a cell phone, but you've never seen it happen to the extreme that Erwin experiences when his goes off during his first scene. It's funny for us and devastating for him. On the trip home (after being fired from the movie), his Saab breaks down in Buffalo Gap, Texas. At the local diner run by Faye (Carrie-Anne Moss of THE MATRIX fame), oil driller Merle (Thomas Haden Church, SIDEWAYS, 2004) makes a deal with the desperate Erwin: Use his acting skills to impersonate a land man, and Merle will pay for the car repairs.

Erwin soon realizes Merle is every bit as desperate as he is. The bank is ready to foreclose on his rig, sending him into bankruptcy. His window is narrow to save his business, way of life, and pride. An unconventional (and not altogether above-board) collaboration with Erwin, is Merle's last hope, as is a plot of land owned by local old codger Scheermeyer (Bruce Dern, at age 88, his 65 year career is still going strong). The age-old battle of the 'little guy' taking on the big and corrupt system is at play here, and the clock is ticking.

Most of this is easily predictable, yet the three lead actors work their magic to ensure we remain on board and engaged. Thomas Haden Church is especially effective here, though we do wish Carrie-Anne Moss was given more to do. The ending is pretty hokey, and has a "sports movie" feel ... you know, last second Touchdown, game winning Home Run, or buzzer-beater basket. Still, we all can appreciate a feel-good story, and a reminder that when folks are at their lowest point, sometimes it only takes a helping hand from a neighbor, or even a stranger, to pick them back up.

In theaters beginning March 8, 2024.

Thomas Haden Church has been a favorite of mine since Wings, and he didn't disappoint in Accidental Texan! This movie shines with witty banter, heartfelt character stories, and great west Texas scenery. What's not to love about good old fashioned story telling? Rudy Pankow delivers the audience a tale of a young man trying to forge his own path is life, but realizes sometimes we need a little help from friends we meet along the way. We don't always realize who is going to go from being a casual acquaintance to a family we didn't know we always needed. A+ writing with wonderful acting and good cinematography!

Came to this movie with no expectations and loved it. Funny and entertaining with just the right amount of drama to be an engaging nail-biter. Mark Bristol did a great job directing and the cinematography was excellent too. I want to find the town where it was filmed (somewhere in tree-less Texas) and have a cup of coffee at the cafe.

Thomas Haden Church, Rudy Pankow and Carrie-Anne Moss gave great performances and Bruce Dern is always a pleasure to watch. Shout out to the woman who played Roxy: Her performance was spot on for what you would expect to see in a county office.

Going to watch it again with my 10-year-old son as it is clean and includes some good messages about work ethic.

A "normal" movie, like it used to be all movies before this crazy times that we live these days...about what is really important: life as it is, good or bad, there's always a chance if you are still breathing. God bless!

It's a shame that today's films diverge so drastically, essentially serving as propaganda to push the big movie companies' social-political agenda.

Of course, anyone who signs up to Netflix, Disney+, and other background noise will find a thousand "problems" with this film, beginning with the subject, actor selection, and orthodox message portrayed. Let's be honest, there are no longer any decent films, with only one kid of good Hollywood production movie released each year... so let's be grateful that there are still "normal" films like this one. Don't look outside the box when watching this film, as its values remain within it.

I'm not a Texan but I lived there when I was 5 to 6 years old and again when I was 19 to 20. This movie is wonderful. Reminds me of my time ranch folks just like that real Cowboys wonderful people just like the ones fictionally portrayed here it's funny, touching and real. Thomas Aiden Church may be setting himself up to take all the Sam Elliott film roles if he keeps this up. The whole cast, including the young actor from Outer Banks, Rudy Pankow As well as Carrie-Anne Moss Really stand out in the whole cast is terrific. Special shout out goes to the great Bruce Dern Man, he has had a wonderful career with quite a final act from Nebraska to this movie to once upon a Time in Hollywood. That role was supposed to go to Burt Reynolds, but ends up being another feather in Derns cap... Really love this film.