House Shark

I had to pause this movie with about 12 minutes left til the end, and I honestly didn't think I could finish it. I purposely combed through the closing credits to see if there was an editor, because I didn't believe there was one. Surprise, surprise, writer/director Ron Bonk also edited his own movie. I would say, only he would leave in all the unnecessary dialogue, subplots that go nowhere, dead air, abandoned characters, and utter nonsense. House Shark runs nearly 2 hours! Is there a good movie in here somewhere? Probably not. I'm giving it 4 stars because on a few occasions, I either laughed out loud or said "that was pretty good." 3 laughs in 2 hours? It starts off promisingly enough, with full-frontal nudity and an outrageously gory shark attack. As a matter of fact, after a certain amount of time, I thought this movie hired exclusively slutty actresses. No way, the bulk of this film gives way to a sausage fest.

I understand this filmmaker wanted to populate his movie with OTT characters, to be as campy as possible. Problem is, they're *SO* OTT, I couldn't understand them half the time! My expectations were certainly dashed. From the title, the concept, the zero-budget creative nature, the exploitative nature, the indie nature, the front and back cover, and what you would normally expect from a film like this. So, it's possible I'm being unfair. But it did not deliver on any of those levels.

The shark movies always try to be funny but this one actually succeeds. It probably should have been about 20 minutes shorter though.

Beginning - 3/10

Ending - 4/10 (It was a lengthy epilogue, but I gave it a 4 because they defeated the shark in a comical, ridiculous way)

Acting - 3/10

Horror-Comedy - 5/10 (It was more towards comedy, or over-comedy)

Characters/Actors - 2/10

Overall - 3.4/10

It is entertaining to watch, even though it was ridiculous. The acting was horrible and the shark was not realistic. I still watched it through. Would I recommend it to anyone? No, but if you are up for a challenge to watch a weird, ridiculous film, then I would recommend this.

This fits more in the comedy category and not horror, or even horror-comedy.

When a woman is mauled to death by a monster on her throne in the ceramic salon, everyone writes it off as a bizarre plumbing accident-except for former Sheriff Frank, who knows better. He assembles the most pathetic Sharkbusters imaginable to put an end to the terror.

Well, if you haven't scrolled past by now, there's no helping you. Get ready for Indoor Jaws, so wild and unhinged, it absolutely has to be seen to be believed.

This film gets under our skin (and scales) with ultra-cheap "effects" like the couch-surfing shark, underwater scenes shot without water, and props dangling from strings. Topping it all off is the record-breaking overacting of the highest (or lowest?) caliber.

In House Shark, you'll get delicious recipes for single parents (like 1 Can of Grilled Beans), stellar taxidermy suggestions, and handy DIY life hacks for home protection.

The whole thing is seasoned with excessive amounts of slimy goo, pubic hair in all the wrong places, pee-based slapstick, and other gross-out delights. Awe-inspiring, the abuse our optic nerves and stomachs endure here-just not from shark attacks.

Sadly, the film only really picks up in the second half, but sticking with it pays off.

Who thought this should be an hour and 52 minutes long?!?