Nine Meals from Chaos

Sorry - this is nothing more than rubbish. And I am an Ivan Noel fan. Don't waste your money on this FVD.

This sounded like a lord of the flies or even mad max like picture and that drew me in. Unfortunately, 2 minutes in, it was clear it was anything but.

This is not a movie. This is at best a narration by a horrible narrator with background moving images to fill the space. This calling itself a movie is an insult of its own. The footage is in monochrome with a lot of cheap black makeup to simulate dirt (very badly at it) and random scenes of nothing of value.

The narration is never ending almost always has nothing to do with anything on the screen. Best i can decode this style as is they wanted to TALK about some apocalyptic event but also wanted to show something apocalyptic on the screen. This is a 90 minute discount TED talk written by people who nobody is interested in.

At the end of the movie right before credits, director/writer come on and keeps on talking about how he doesnt see the children making in the movie world. Wait what? For extra hilarity, there is alternate sound track superimposed on top of the ENTIRE movie with him talking about the movie non stop. I dare anybody to try to make it through this.

The main sound is some horrible narrator talking about random stuff, the alternate is the director talking about it as if he just created the most amazing masterpiece ever conceived.

Cast. Horrible. Random kids they assembled from a playground but i'm not going to be too harsh because this isn't even a movie. Adults. They are evil and they seem to want to catch the kids for some stupid reason. They all look like wife beaters from a 4th rate horror movie set in a rural trailer. Acting basically does not exist here.

Decor. Some fields and a railroad yard. Since it is all monochrome it all gets washed in and looks the same. It might be grass, it might be mud.. we can't tell. Just bad.

Let me cut this short and see if there is anything good here to be taken away... No. There is nothing. This is school project of somebody's thoughts with bad background footage rolling around. I will reiterate once more, this is not a movie. Waste of your time to the absolute max.

Generally speaking, a good story should be able to tell itself without a narrator having to provide consistent descriptions on what is going on onscreen. Apparently, this story cannot do this.

Further, the narrator in question seems inspired by Thomas Hobbes idea that humans are inherently bad and will do anything to advance their own interests because they are cruel, selfish and self-interested all of the time. The result is that not only is the film's narrator intrusive and monotonous, but he's markedly off-putting, even suggesting at one point that eating worms and being canabalistic are more nutritious than the fares provided by modern agriculture and animal production.

I'm giving a two star review rather than a one star and even considered giving it three, because the kids do a good enough job with the direction they were obviously given, but in the end watching a group of preteens act out a world of Machiavellian nihilism with the grating monotone of an irritating narrator who can't keep his mouth shut talking over all of it because he feels the story cannot tell itself is simply unplesant.