Tôkyô vanpaia hoteru: Eiga-ban

Right, well first of all I have to say that "Tôkyô Vanpaia Hoteru: Eiga-Ban" (aka "Tokyo Vampire Hotel: The Movie") was a movie that I had never heard about, so I virtually didn't know what I was in for here, as I sat down to watch the 2017 movie here late in 2022.

Writer and director Sion Sono delivered a movie that was quite far out there. Nay, strike that, it was really, really far out there. The storyline made absolutely zero sense, and it was hard to keep track of what was going on. The things that made this movie bearable to watch was the outrageous action, insane amounts of blood, visceral mutilation and sheer craziness. Yeah, because it certainly wasn't a well-constructed and coherent storyline that was pulling the load here. So I can't claim that writer and director Sion Sono delivered a wholesome movie experience.

As for the character gallery in the movie, well there were a handful of characters to keep track of, and none of these were given any proper backstory or motivation for why they were milling around inside the hotel and participating in the carnage. And that made for a character gallery is relatively pointless characters that you don't really care much for.

I wasn't familiar with the majority of the cast ensemble, and actually only recognized Asami, but that was only because I perused the cast list here on IMDb. I couldn't point her out on the screen if you asked me to. The acting performances in the movie were, well, let's just say you're not in for an evening of Shakespearian theater here.

Visually then the special effects were fairly okay. And again, it was essentially the sheer amount of blood and gory mutilations on the screen that kept the movie from sinking all the way down to the bottom.

Running at 142 minutes, the movie is long and seems to go on forever and ever. And to make matters worse, then the lack of coherent storyline and something for the audience to latch unto and follow, just makes 142 minutes seem like an eternity.

This movie came and went without leaving a lasting impression on me. I assume that something as whacky as this must be based on a Manga of sorts. But I can't claim that the movie has instilled any particular need to seek out anything else to watch or read.

If I have to say something positive about the movie, aside from the blood and gore, then it was the creative inventiveness, because it definitely takes a wandering mind to conjure up something as far out as this was. And I will also say that you have never seen a vampire movie like this one.

My rating of "Tôkyô Vanpaia Hoteru: Eiga-Ban" lands on a three out of the stars. This is not something I would recommend you to waste your time, money or effort on.

If you like camp movies and odd stuff this is for you. Some scenes are so gory others are hilarious. There are mass murders and carnage in the back ground and the main charters talk as if they are at a dinner party . Weird and violent and amusing ....I loved it.

The plot : Non existent other than skin blood, hints at sex and nudity and a constantly screaming and clueless heroine for at least the first three episodes I managed to stay awake for. (With some tylenol)

The direction: Like a teenage boy's wet but terrifying dream?

The actors: Think Junior High school drama club. Lots of cute girls though.

Opinion: Don't waste time looking for a plot or purpose (as said, I only made it through 32 and a half episodes). The heroines fragmented history flashback attempt has ZERO consistency and she is som4etimes a demon child who like to bite animals and humans or she is a young woman having a running panic attack and acts dumb.

On the verge of a global apocalypse, a clan of vampires lures a crowd of humans into a glamorous hotel to turn it into their own private blood farm unaware one of the victims is descended from vampire hunters at war with the clan and starts a bloody war to free everybody.

From the beginning, this one was quite enjoyable. One of the more appreciable aspects of this one is that the convoluted storyline does work in its favor, setting this one up rather nicely. There are a lot of beats here as the adaptation from the miniseries is obvious here with the use of prophecies, sacrifice and different rivalries between the two families of vampires. It's all quite detailed and unique by mixing together the European and Asian families as there are numerous fun elements brought out with the European side detailed in the first hour and why it means so much to fight them for the Japanese side all comes from the main series as nothing is really lost. Equally as impressive is the dynamic visual flourishes where everything here is striking in a grandiose manner, starting with the main hotel. Given a large Gothic sheen in the old-school architecture, garish colors and overtly impressive design, these radiate with visual flourishes that add a fantasy element alongside the Gothic tropes. As well, the quirky sense of humor on display here gives this even more of a strong visual sense. The sight of the aging vampire who needs blood to stay youthful and full-size or else will shrink down to a doll is a prime example, as well as the old mother vampire in the basement that they feed. The games the evil vampires play with the human guests makes for exceptionally goofy times as well as the action is another major factor. Starting with the opening assault in the diner, this one manages an impressive overall pace that has plenty of stellar sequences here. From the numerous chases through the city to capture her, the first meetings with the evil vampires and the initial gunfights in the hotel, the action here is quite enjoyable. The entire hotel sequence in the last hour plus features far more action as this goes for the entire clan war throughout here. Both sides tear into each other here, from the gun-battles to the sword slashing and ripping people and vampires to pieces, this manages to feature all manner of crazy vampire action. Filled with the vampires' impressive make-up effects, this stands out more offering plenty of impressive elements all around. There isn't a whole lot to dislike with this one. The obvious feature here is the overlong running time. The fact that this one came from a miniseries becomes apparent with the convoluted storyline that packs in a lot of plot-points into the story. With the extended setup that has the introduction of their history and the bloodline of both families, the extended time cramming this into the film drags this out. The jumps in the timelines going from Romania to Tokyo are done quite haphazardly and makes the story even harder to follow in terms of how to solve the identities of each family. It all just gives this one a much longer running time than needed filling this storyline and gives this it's only flaw.

Rated Unrated/R: Extreme Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and Nudity.

If there was a 0 score,this would have been my rating. The movie is absoultely mental, it will hurt so bad if you know even a tiny bit of history, not to consider if you're from Transylvania like I am. Besides a loy of random fighting with guns and swords, there is no substance to the movie. It easily could have ended in 20 minutes It looks as if there was a lot of money invested in this film and that's even sadder. Good effort, maybe the next one will make it worth ones while.