- [after the Chinese Restaurant waiters' surprisingly beautiful performance of "Deck the Halls"]
- Old Man Parker: I wasn't expecting that.
- Chinese Restaurant Owner: What were you expecting?
- Old Man Parker: ...I don't know.
- [Mother Parker calls Mrs. Schwartz on the phone. The phone rings and Mrs. Schwartz comes to the phone and answer it]
- Mrs. Schwartz: Hello?
- Mother Parker: Hello, Mrs. Schwartz. This is Mrs. Parker.
- Mrs. Schwartz: Oh, hello, Mrs. Parker. How are you?
- Mother Parker: I'm fine, thank you. Thank you for asking. Mrs. Schwartz, do you have any idea what Ralphie said to me?
- Mrs. Schwartz: Try me.
- Mother Parker: He said...
- [inaudible a word]
- Mrs. Schwartz: Oh, no. Not that word!
- Mother Parker: Yes! That word. And do you know where he got it from?
- Mrs. Schwartz: Probably from his father.
- Mother Parker: No. He heard it from your son!
- Mrs. Schwartz: [yells] WHAT? WHAT? WHAAAAT?
- [they both hang up the phone]
- Schwartz: [heard his mom yells] Mom, what's the matter?
- Mrs. Schwartz: [turns to Schwartz, angrily and points to him] You!
- Schwartz: Mom, what'd I do?
- Mrs. Schwartz: Get over here!
- [Schwartz runs upstairs, screaming and his mom chasing him]
- Santa Claus: What's your name, little boy?
- Elf: Come on, kid. Come on.
- Elf Woman: The store's nearly closing!
- Santa Claus: Yeah, what do you want for Christmas?
- Ralphie as an Adult: Oh, no. My mind had gone blank. I was blowing it. Blowing it.
- Elf: Hurry up, kid!
- Elf Woman: Come on!
- Santa Claus: Hey, how about a nice football?
- Ralphie as an Adult: Football, football? What's a football? Without conscious will my voice squeaked out...
- Ralphie Parker: Football.
- Santa Claus: All right, give him a football and get him out of here.
- [the elves grab Ralphie to the slide]
- Ralphie as an Adult: [gasps] Football? Oh, no. What was I doing? Wake up, stupid, wake up.
- Ralphie Parker: No!
- [shoves the slide and climbs back up]
- Ralphie Parker: No, no! No, no, no, wait! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
- Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid! Ho, ho, ho!
- [Santa pushes Ralphie down the slide with his boot]
- Ralphie Parker: Noooooooo!