Hooker with a Hacksaw

Right, well when I sat down to watch this 2017 movie, I was somehow certain that this was most likely going to be a stinker. But still, I believe in giving a movie a chance, so I sat down to watch "Hooker with a Hacksaw".

I should say that I hadn't checked out the movie on IMDb prior to sitting down to watching it. So I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.

Well, I endured 15 minutes of absolute horrible movie, let's just call it as it is. This movie was abysmal, pure and simple. However does movies like this still manage to come around and see the light of day.

The story, well from what I managed to see at least, was uneventful and boring. And it didn't help that the characters were downright lousy and pointless. And topping it off with questionable acting performances wasn't really helping the movie either.

This was a low budget and amateurish movie, no doubt about it. But I am sure that the people involved were having fun making it and seeing their project come to life. However, when I sit down to watch a movie, I expect it to be a proper movie, and not something shot on a home camera, that I could just as easily have made myself.

15 minutes into the ordeal known as "Hooker with a Hacksaw" and I quit. And there is a snowballs chance in Hell that I am returning to finish watching the movie.

Look...if you're reading this, it means the title "Hooker With A Hacksaw" caught your eye, and if I have learned anything in life, it's that people who like b-movies are cooler than those who don't. Be that as it may, this is utterly and truly a b-movie in every way possible:

• writing, acting, directing
• character closeups
• schlock schlock schlock
• cheesy, not to mention absurd, music
• technicals (eg lighting, editing, sound, etc)
• "special fx" (if you can call them that.

So obviously, if you've come to this flick expecting GOOD ___any of the above___ then you're out of luck. I mean, you're talking about a movie that shows a woman masturbating a man's guts for crying out loud.

Since I don't typically rehash synopses in my reviews, I'll leave it at this: if you like CHEESY b-flicks (and I mean cheesy. Like three-cheese cheesy) then this might be enjoyable for you. I must admit, while the title caught my eye, it immediately made me think of the film "Hobo With A Shotgun," which is both a better movie and the genesis of the title. Nonetheless, I simply couldn't help but be entertained from start to finish. It's absurd, schlocky beyond schlock, ultra-cheesy blood & gore fx, and has the illustrious Maiden Meltedhair - one of the cutest little things you'll see. Don't expect award-winning skills here, and don't bother writing a review that bags on what the film misfires on. It's SUPPOSED TO BE the epitome of ultra-cheese.

Notes on parental content:

• profanity throughout, but not gratuitous.
• adult themes and content, including suicide, rape, and prostitution.
• drug use is a repeating theme
• there is brief nudity (female breasts) in one or two scenes
• violence is another repeating thematic element, but the blood and "gore" is so over-the-top fake that you simply can't help but laugh when it happens.

Look...and as I mentioned...if you're here to see a movie with Academy Award worthy performances and talent, you're in the wrong place. If you're here to see a REALLY cheesy b-flick with horror themes, this is an excellent choice.

Kasper Meltedhair is the best new scream queen to come along since the glory days of Linnea Quigley and Brinke Stevens, and HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW is her masterpiece.

At 70 minutes, it's about an hour longer than it needs to be.

First we had Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) and now we have Hooker with a Hacksaw, I can confidently say one is considerably better than the other.

The plot is *Drumroll* about a hooker with a hacksaw! A young telephone sex worker who loses her mind and sets about as a vigilante.

This is about as low budget as they come, therefore it looks cheap, it sounds cheap, it is cheap. But that's fine, I don't judge films on such things as filmmakers can only work with what they have available.

The reason for the low rating has got nothing to do with that, it's all about the overall quality and that's really bad. The acting is year 1 film school level, the script is 4th grade English and plot is a disheveled mess.

In fact to be brutally honest there is no plot, there is no story, it's just an absolute abomination and I'm not sure who it'll appeal to.

Cheap, weird, nasty.

The Good:

Interesting lead

The Bad:

Painfully bad acting

Cringe inducing script

Amateurish editing

Pretty much everything else