Moonfall

It's been quite some time since I've seen a cast full of talented, well-regarded actors all give performances that are this terrible. To be fair, given this dialogue, I don't think any actor could have pulled off a good performance.

This screenplay was written by guys who have never talked to another human being before. Every line of dialogue is contrived and laughably on the nose, with exposition delivered in a way that sometimes makes Marvel's Eternals feel like a masterclass of writing.

The story has enough logical holes to fit the moon through. Convenience piles on top of convenience to make catastrophe possible, and then to help the characters survive the catastrophe. It's a script that can't withstand even the slightest amount of logical thought.

Moonfall makes just as little sense as 2012, and the characters are just as dull. But, in a way, this film is the more disappointing one because of how much better it could have been.

The character introductions and the setup for the emotional conflicts that these characters are experiencing with each other are actually compelling and somewhat competent. But the writers do NOTHING with these conflicts once they're established. Nobody learns anything; nobody actually overcomes anything or changes at all.

Not that a movie like this really needs masterful character development, but it at least needs something, ANYTHING to make us care and want these characters to succeed. But there's nothing.

Not even the visual effects are particularly good; they're certainly not bad, but no improvements have been made since the 2009 release of 2012, which looked groundbreaking at the time.

Still, I didn't hate watching this. I found myself mesmerised at how the filmmakers were literally dropping the ball every step of the way. If that sort of thing gives you enjoyment, then see this on the biggest screen that you can!

6/10 - with the visuals of a true space blockbuster, this B movie features nonsensical dialogue, many many characters that serve absolutely no purpose, and an absolutely insane third act...but nonetheless, it's fun.

Being a Millennial, I can attest to our generation that it was a great time to be alive with "Independence Day" and "Godzilla" being some of our favorite tween-age blow-up-knock-down action movies to go see with our friends in the theater 3 times in the same day, with campy yet lovable characters like Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum. Those were the days. I still enjoy watching those flicks from time to time - not just for the nostalgia. They are still quite entertaining in their own right.

Now we have "Moonfall" some 25 years later. Cut from the same construction paper, but more like pieces of old scripts from Roland Emmerich's late '90s writing room shredder taped together in hopes the characters and dialog would be usable in telling the grandiose destructo-type story instead of just talking props. Speaking of which, I give props to Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson, and John Bradley (who actually had a solid character to go with his style) for trying, but it simply wasn't enough.

I've listened to commentaries and interviews with Emmerich and I personally think he doesn't have good instincts on how to put a balanced action film together since the mid 2000s (with the ID4 sequel, if you watch the deleted scenes cut what would've been the best and most meaningful scenes of the entire movie) with the aim of just going big and loud, using any means whatsoever. It works...until it doesn't. Action fatigue sets in frequently in this and many of his recent past movies. It's alarming when I am physically incapable of caring less about the world ending than watching these characters attempt to get from beginning to end - in fact, there was no palpable peril despite the entire earth getting properly f'ed up, we only see it in overhead shots of floods and earthquakes and meteorites (I think COVID may have had something to do with not being able to have scenes with dozens of extras on the ground clamoring over each other like in all other action flicks from the days of yore).

However, the concept was intriguing and in my opinion, pretty great. It reminds me of Arthur C. Clarke's "Rendezvous with Rama" but with the Moon instead of a floating cylinder in space. I really did enjoy watching the last 20-30 mins or so play out after an hour and a half of random skipping around characters trying to hatch the plan to get us to that point while trying to make the audience like and/or care. If the script had half the heart and good campiness of something like "Independence Day", it definitely could have kicked my rating up a little.

Wait for streaming.

Moonfall is, without a doubt, one of the stupidest movies ever made. Yet, it so gloriously 100% commits to its whirlwind of logic-defying hokey conspiracy theory-inspired nonsense that it sucks the audience into its vortex for a vastly entertaining ride.

Two NASA astronauts Brian Harper and Jocinda "Jo" Fowler working together with conspiracy theorist K. C. Houseman discover a secret about the Moon after it leaves its orbit and veers toward Earth.

I have never subscribed to the idea of turning off your brain to enjoy a movie. However, Moonfall, through its brand of pratfall sorcery, effectively shut off my brain. This was The Riddler's brain-drain machine from Batman Forever, dazzling me with spectacle while sucking up my IQ. I waved goodbye to logic, science, and generally "how things work."

Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson, John Bradley, Michael Pena, and the cast all do their best selling all the ridiculousness and delivering ultra-stilted dialogue. It's amusing watching them be so serious and hold it together. At any given moment, I imagine a slight smirk from any of the actors would have them all breaking and laughing.

Moonfall was an unusually great time. I was riveted by the mystery behind the Moon and on the edge of my seat by the disaster sequences that ignore physics. The logic of how things progress from A to B is so warped that it inadvertently makes the story unpredictable. I was kind of amazed by where the story ended up. At the back of my mind the whole time, I was completely stupefied by how the movie was barely hanging together through its extravagant ambition.

The film played like a parody of Roland Emmerich disaster movies itself and got away with it. This will vary for different people as it heavily depends if you can enjoy a bad movie. I enjoyed it unironically, which is odd and an achievement of sorts. I would love to see a sequel.

If you watch a disaster movie made by Roland Emmerich you get what you expect: big explosions, fine work by the special departments and a rather simple story with forgettable characters. Moonfall is no exception - get your coke and pop-corn, lay back and enjoy the show. But in the case you don't like that kind of big screen disaster movies, don't bother.