- Alice: Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
- Madea: If that's what I gotta do, then that's what I'm doing. I believe!
- Alice: And you confess your sins?
- Madea: [looks around the church] In front of all these children? You want me to confess all my sins in front of these men, I can't do that, I'll have them blushing.
- [laughs]
- Madea: You don't know what I used to do back in the day, honey. It wan't no fun. Bam!
- [knocks her breasts together]
- Madea: [Tiffany and her friends are being held for Aday's murder] This is what your daddy was trying to tell you, this is what I was trying to make you understand, little girl. Your parents ain't lame because they say 'don't sneak out, don't text and drive', all that stuff is bad and you get people killed.
- Prisoner 1: So you killed that girl and now you're crying.
- Jonathan: [hysterical] We didn't kill anybody, I swear!
- Prisoner 1: There's a dead body in the house, you on this bus with us.
- Prisoner 3: [looks out bus window] There's my mama and my daddy... my mama, my daddy, and my sister? My sister?
- [stands up]
- Prisoner 3: You killed my sister!
- Quinton: No, no, no! They're black, they're not even related to you!
- Aday: I want to go home.
- Dino: Me too, home run, I'm talking 5th base.
- Aday: [horrified] Is there even a 5th base? What's that?
- Dino: Why're you freaking out?
- Aday: I'm not, what do you mean?
- Dino: We get weird on each other.
- Aday: I'm only 17.
- Dino: Y-you're 17?
- Aday: Yes.
- Dino: Years old?
- Aday: Yes.
- Dino: In human years?
- Aday: Yes.
- Dino: [pause, high-pitched scream, runs out of the room] This girl is 17! 17 years old!
- Brian: Listen, we have never spanked our children, ever. We didn't do that, we weren't those kinds of parents.
- Hattie: Well that's the problem right there.
- Aunt Bam: That's right.
- Madea: That's right, that's right. Whoop her. Baby, let me tell you something, I'm not telling you to go up there and abuse no child, even though I got a hammer in my purse, I'm just kidding about the hammer.
- [to Hattie]
- Madea: No I'm not.
- [to Brian]
- Madea: But listen, what I'm trying to get you to understand is very very simple, son. Hear me clearly. A little love tap never hurt nobody.
- Police Officer #1: We got a call from this house about an underaged girl at a frat party?
- Aunt Bam: Uh...
- [Jamaican accent]
- Aunt Bam: No Englese, I'm... from Jamaica.
- Police Officer #1: They speak English in Jamaica.
- Aunt Bam: Well then I'm from Me-hi-co!
- Police Officer #1: Como usta usted?
- Aunt Bam: Well then I'm from China.
- [Cop responds in Chinese]
- Aunt Bam: Ah! You speaking in tongues?
- Police Officer #1: I went to college.
- Aunt Bam: And I love Jesus. Yes, I do, too.
- Police Officer #1: We all do too.
- Aunt Bam: Amen.
- Hattie: Hey, Brian!
- Brian: Hello, Miss Hattie, how you doing?
- Hattie: Hey, gimme a hug, Brian!
- Brian: [laughs nervously] Oh, no, no, no, I'll pass on that. I'll pass on that.
- Hattie: Why?
- Aunt Bam: You know why. Every time you hug up on him, you thrust your pelvis into his.
- Hattie: What? He a grown-ass man, he can take it.
- Brian: I don't *want* to take it, Miss Hattie.
- Hattie: You can take it if you want it, Brian.
- Brian: I don't want it.
- Brian: Daddy, you shouldn't have pushed me off that roof, that's all I'm gonna say. You shouldn't have pushed me off that roof.
- Joe: Again, did you die? Nigga?
- Brian: How many times I have to tell you? Stop using that word. That is a *horrible* word. I don't understand why you keep using that word! Stop saying it, it's horrible, it's awful! All these people use it in the music, all these kids are in the club saying it. STOP saying that word!
- Joe: Bitch ass.
- Aunt Bam: I was so worried at my house, you know I'm scared of everything. Scared. Of. Everything. And this Halloween stuff just give me the creeps.
- Madea: She don't like, she don't like Haller-ween.
- Aunt Bam: Mm-mm. Don't like it at all, it just give me the creeps. But now I'm all right, 'cause we all here together
- Madea: All together.
- Aunt Bam: That's right.
- Madea: Together.
- Tiffany: Look what I brought home from school.
- Joe: What the hell's that?
- Tiffany: It's a ghost board, Grandpa.
- Joe: Get that, get that the hell on out of here.
- Aunt Bam: No ma'am, uh-uh, get that devilment out of here.
- Tiffany: No, it's fun. It's how you communicate with the dead.
- Madea: You heard her, get it on out of here, honey. We don't play with stuff like that. Get that up out of here.
- Tiffany: No, it's fun.
- Madea: I'ma tell you right now, if you open it, that's what you're gonna be. Dead! You gonna be on the other side, honey. We don't play with stuff like that.
- Madea: [to Tiffany] I tell you, don't be playing with me, little girl. That's what you gonna look like, just like that damn skeleton on that card.
- [poses]
- Madea: Doing a pirouette.
- Tiffany: You don't understand, this card is from Mr. Wilson, the man who *died* in this house on Halloween. He killed his entire family and put all of their bodies in the attic, and it's said that every Halloween, he comes back to take a life, and the only place he doesn't go in this house are the bedrooms, because that's where the priests used to sleep when this house was a monastery.
- Tiffany: I'm telling you, I'm going to bed, because after 10, strange things start happening, *strange* things.
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By what name was ¡Bu! Una noche de brujas de Madea (2016) officially released in India in English?
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