Crone Wood

Story: 0.25/2 - Direction & Pace 0.25 & 0.25/4 - Performances 0.75/2 - Entertainment: 0.25/2

Total 1.75/10

Crone Wood - or should we say, the unholy union of The Wicker Man and The Blair Witch Project? It's a Frankenstein's monster stitched together from good intentions but lacking the surgeon's finesse. This film embodies what happens when you have a bright idea after a late-night horror movie marathon and an abundance of hubris but none of the skill to execute it.

The most glaring sin of the script is laziness. Writers nudging the protagonist along like a puppet on strings? Nothing he does is of his own free will. He's guided through the day by a woman professing love. It's insulting when, at the ritual, they proclaim he's done all of this out of his own free will. It smacks of lackadaisical structuring.

Now, let's talk about the missing village kids. The premise orbits around the Green Man and the Witches trying to perpetuate their community with little ones, yet the playgrounds are empty. Someone forgot to hire child actors, maybe? When the Green Man boasts of a job well done, I'd contest that, given the lack of pitter-pattering ankle-biters echoing through those woods - though it was a commendable premise.

Supposed amateur enthusiasts capture the story on their handheld video cameras. It's a choice as perplexing as it is agonizing. A directorial preference to showcase bad filmmaking as intentional is as bold as it is misguided. It's almost like they said, "Why bother with second takes? Let's throw it together and call it avant-garde!" Embracing the warts-and-all approach to filmmaking might've been novel if it didn't feel like watching someone's terrible home videos - and not the heartwarming kind, mind you. Most amateur filmmakers would sooner poke out their eyes than release something resembling this mess. Scenes drag like a tortoise with a limp, and the pace is non-existent. Brace yourself for boredom with a side of frustration.

The performances deserve a reluctant golf clap - they exist, albeit in the murky depths of mediocrity. The cast seems to have had a jolly time rambling through the woods. Alas, the joy doesn't translate to the screen.

"Stay Away! Don't Watch!" Please consider this the most earnest advice I can dispense. Your time is precious - Don't fling it haphazardly into Crone Wood's profound abyss. Mercifully spare yourself and revisit The Wicker Man; it's a masterclass when justly compared to this horror misfire.

Anyone else tired of found footage flicks? I do have to wonder what the director actually does on movies like this. On the plus side the actress is good. Unfortunately the male lead is incredibly dull and there's no chemistry between them. Everything else is predictable and slow moving.

A few times during the movie I forgot it was an indie production and began to critic it too aggressively. A really solid production for a small budget movie. The cast were very convincing, and acted to a high standard. A fun watch, and a good contribution to the horror genre. Your review does not contain enough lines - the minimum length for reviews is 5 lines of text. Stupid rule!

The notes say it was shot in five days or something but it really looks more like they shot it in two. "Found footage" is always a difficult gag and this one is not convincing at all. Add to that a warmed over cult thing done so well in the 1970s "Wicker Man" that it makes you wonder why they bothered. No fault of the cast, who make the most of a lot of slowly walking around and silly cult tropes of hippie witch rituals. I don't want to include a spoiler so I will just say the actions earlier in the film make little sense when you get to the end.

I was (again) fooled into watching this movie after not noticing only 4 people had reviewed it, hence the positive grade. It's simply terrible.

Boy meets girl and she challenges him into spending a night in the woods. Their chemistry is great, the acting is very genuine and I felt really curious about what expected them in Crone Wood.

The mood is reminiscent of The Blair Witch Project and, even if I don't particularly like found-footage, they pull it off reasonably. But as soon as we understand what's going on, the movie takes a turn for the worse.

The performances of every actor other that the main two are terrible. The explanation to what's going on is interesting enough, but it's no different that another very famous horror movie which is a hundred times better than this one. The whole thing get's too ridiculous to watch on the final 10 minutes and the ending is equally stupid.

I am annoyed to have spent yet another hour and a half watching a poor movie, indie or not, I don't care, you just can't make a bad movie and call it indie to make it look better. Don't waste your time on this, go watch something, anything else.