Wolf House

Best movie I've ever seen. Best costumes. Best makeup. Best acting I've ever witnessed. Will recommend. Honestly it was like a toddler took your phone and was recording anything and everything. But I'm not really complaining. I feel bad for the poor werewolf, he'll be needing a chiropractor for the rest of his life.

One thing it has in common with another very popular movie is all the mouth breathing. Kristen Stewart taught them everything they needed to know. Makes me want to take a class from her as well.

Directors and producers should take note and never make a monstrosity like this ever again.

Where to begin?,,,,the film is meant to be about 6 friends who go missing in the woods, only they don't, they all die in a house, killed by an ironing board with a wolf's head glued to it and some David Bowie impersonators, that's how muddled this film is, it doesn't even keep to it's own synopsis. I should explain, one of the friends shoots an empty gorilla costume when they're out in the woods, all 6 of them mistake it for Bigfoot, (I know!!), and they decide to strap it to the roof of the car and take it home in case they get into trouble, (I know, I know!!). The gorilla suit then comes back to life, turns into the ironing board with the wolf's head glued to it, calls some of his pals who like to dress as David Bowie and they kill the hikers, who aren't hikers now because they're in a house, i think. One particularly harrowing scene has one of the hikers (housemates) hiding from the ironing board in the cupboard under the sink,,,, never thought i'd ever say that, the cupboard door is hanging open and the creature takes a full minute to find him!!. I love crap creatures, but a hairy ironing board that can't find a grown man in a kitchen cupboard is just taking the pi$s. As for all the David Bowies, answers on a postcard.

At some point someone will figure out found footage films suck. This one has all the usual problems. You can't see anything most of the time thanks to shaky cam. You watch a lot of people's feet. This film has the added problem of shooting a lot in night vision mode. Plus they use the picture in picture edit at times so it is even harder to see. You get the tearful Blair Witch monologue into the camera because you I guess have to. This film isn't a so good it is bad type film. It is awful and basically unwatchable.

A poor budget is no excuse for unleashing a turd onto the cinematic world, yet this...thing (I refuse to call it a movie) was so unbelievably bad, it barely deserves a full review. But if writing one saves anyone else the agony of sitting through this hot garbage, I will suffer the ordeal of writing it. First of all, the cast. Untalented, annoying, and lacking any chemistry, it was like watching 5 mean kids from High School attempting to have anything in common. The main character was insufferable, and the supporting cast was just as bad, if not worse. I hated everyone from the onset, and I was actually rooting for them to die in the most horrific ways possible. The movie itself doesn't take long to get going, but when it does, you would have wished it didn't. There are crappy special effects make-up, and then there is this. I...just have no words at how incredibly offensive everything looked. Like watching a 4th grade production of Underworld. Here is a suggestion; nobody involved in this soiled diaper has any idea what true artistry is. This thing is what is commonly referred to as a "cash-grab". They shoot a cheap thing as a found-footage to save as much money as possible, not caring that their names are attached to this festival of regret. I would be embarrassed, ashamed and offended if my name were ever attached to something this horrifically bad. A complete and utter failure form beginning to end, this thing does not deserve oe iota of your time. Please, PLEASE avoid this. I beg of you. These people do not deserve to have the funds to ever make another film again.

I'm a sucker for found footage horror. This movie wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible either. It isn't every day when a horror movie references the sweet Harry and the Hendersons.