Teenagent

Gold is disappearing around America. Or maybe it's from the main European bank. Both? Neither? It depends on who you ask. Or does it? Yes. It does. It's been six months seen the investigation started. The RGB – even they don't know what that stands for, it's all so secret – have no leads. So, what? They pick a random name in the phone book? Don't be ridiculous! They ask a fortune teller with a thick accent to do so. Selected is you, Mark Hopper, and you'll be... you're not really gonna make me say, are you? Really? Ugh... you'll be... the eye-rolling pun title. You're kidnapped by coat-wearing men in the middle of a beautiful summer day, and then, you begin. Why will you do it? For respect? Patriotism? No. For the girls. They love that stuff. I like a lot of the plot. It's too bad the ending was written in 5 minutes on a cocktail napkin. The resolution feels contrived. I also couldn't figure out why they never sent in anyone else, why I'd lose my items on the completion of a level, especially the second-to-last one, etc.

This comes to us from Polish developer Metropolis Software House. It came out for Amiga and DOS. It was the first game to be released on CD-ROM in their country! A huge hit! I'm not sure you can currently get your hands on a copy in their native tongue, much less one with speech and full OST. That, I understand, is a disappointment to them. And some suggest that this is mainly of interest for them. And not for the rest of us. It is available in English, mostly translated without hiccups. That was what I worried about most – would the humor translate? It so often doesn't. We are literally talking about a place that had been free of the Union's communist grip for about half a decade. ...it's no wonder it opens on secret police "removing" an innocent person. Who then finds himself in a strange camp. Run by questionable authority figures. Going hungry, at least at first. Anyway. Can we, in the West, at all laugh at what they would? Or is it true what they say? In Soviet Russia, joke laughs at you? I'm relieved to report, it does register. Not all of the time. Mostly. More than enough. At best, it is positively hilarious. It uses cartoon stuff, right out of Tex Avery's work. Complete with goofy sound FX. Verbal. Memorably weird characters. Descriptions, situations, occurrences and what you have to do, how it's done, etc. often exist in this not-quite-the-real world. You break the fourth wall like you're Deadpool.

Of course, there is one other thing that bothered me. Scratch that. Present tense. It is true what many of you have heard. The puzzles... yikes. I like a challenge. And brainteasers. Good, stimulating, crackerjack enigmas. A few things? They gotta have logic. Indications of whether you're doing something right... how many times do I have to click the same thing without anything happening, no progress, without giving up, before it'll finally relent and move on? It doesn't take long for this to open up with many areas, a lot you can try out, and some of these things get so obscure. Pixel hunting is overall relatively rare. Still, you feel like you're wandering blindly in a pyramid. Clearly, the designers wanted to get a good laugh out of us hitting one dead-end after another. This aspect is the single most mentioned in every review I've read. It has apologists, sure. Meanwhile, almost no one denies it, or that it's frustrating. And that's one of the worst things to be. A hint system would be great. I played the demo of this when it first came out. Pre-internet. I forget if I did complete the demo back then or not. I do recall being stuck. This will last you as long as it takes to... well, give up. Or try every single thing, until you get it right. You could always use a walkthrough.

The controls aren't bad. LMB/Ctrl examines. It also skips through lines of dialog, which helps you rush through the opening that otherwise plays in its entirety any time you start this back up. RMB/Alt for every single other action. Point up to top to open inventory. F1 for the menu – save, load, quit, adjust options, etc. It is an unusual mapping. I'm surprised to see many online confused... just look them up, GameFAQs has them. You have Google! Use it! No, you shouldn't have to! You can! So do it! Stop complaining. First world problems, exhibit A! Now, on the other hand, if you're saying that this should have listed them when it originally hit stores, that, I agree with. I didn't even get a manual. Well, the GOG version is free. The price is right. You get what you pay for. The graphics are fine. You're never unsure of what you're looking at. There's enough style to things, and there are sights that you will remember. The midi music is decent. It does repeat after not long, and you spend a lot of time in the same areas whenever you're unsure of what to do. Listening to it. Over and... yeah. You get to explore a village with a few houses, a mansion full of bizarre things, etc. Visit a lake, a cave, etc. You will encounter people of all ages, several from very different in-come groups, as well as a series of animals. You have to approach some in strange, counter-intuitive ways. Insult, trade with, etc. Just how much intelligence do these critters have? Superglue: useful.

There is some violence in this, little of it having consequences beyond... well, at more than one point, things literally blow up in your face. It leaves you with a layer of soot. That's all. I recommend this to any fan of the point-and-click adventure game subgenre. 5/10