Ky-D

'Mickey 17' was extremely disappointing. Too long, too slow, and not nearly clever enough to justify any of it. It's text-book proof that a story is only as smart as its writers. If Starship Troopers did sci-fi satire well, then Mickey 17 is on the planet that is farthest from.

It's full of pointless side plots that don't go anywhere and rarely (if ever) connect back to the central the premise. The main story only advances by either contrivance or deus ex machina and the plot requires that basically every character has to be a full-blown moron until the script suddenly needs them to be competent for one single scene. It also doesn't help that even though cloning is central to the story, the film has almost nothing meaningful to say about it. So little so that they never even bother to adequately explain why they have to kill the Mickey clones and erase all memory data. Seriously, 'Parts: The Clonus Horror' had more to say about the ethics of cloning than 'Mickey 17'.

On the plus side, the performances are (mostly) good, with Pattinson delivering another solid turn. The film generally looks good too, though the camera work may feel a bit art house for more mainstream viewers.

Lastly, impossible to talk about the film without mentioning its politics; the film is aggressively, distractingly, childishly anti-Trump. Now that might be a plus to some, but honesty it's so lazily implemented that it's nothing more than "look at me! I'm Trump and I'm dumb!". Now I like good satire, but this isn't satire, it's broad parody about on par with Alec Baldwin doing a Trump impersonation on SNL. If you are in the market for 2 1/2 hours of Mark Ruffalo doing bargain basement Trump jokes, then you will love this movie.

Not good satire, not good Sci-Fi, just not a good movie.

In the short, sad history of Disney Star Wars, this is arguably the worst thing they've put out. It makes 'The Last Jedi' seem almost reverent to the franchise by comparison.

Great production values are constantly undermined by the inane scripting, bad dialogue, wooden acting, and boringly predicable plot 'revelations'. It feels like a $200 mil high school stage play, conceived by the angstiest group of Emo-kid lunch table rejects who are determined to destroy all the other kids' toys just for the 'LOLs'.

I've you've ever had any affinity for Star Wars as created by George Lucas, then I urge you to not watch this waste of a brilliant IP. It is genuinely franchise destroying on par with 'Terminator: Dark Fate', 'Dr Who: The Timeless Children' or 'Highlander: The Source' in that it fundamentally fails to understand what made the series popular in the first place. Which is to say nothing about the genuine disregard for established canon and world building.

It's the kind of bad that I'm not mad anymore, or even disappointed, because that would have required me to still care. If this is the future of Star Wars then I'm done, I am no longer interested what they are trying to sell me. They are welcome to the mystical 'modern audience' they are so desperate to cater to.

Borders on unwatchable, even in the name of mockery, avoid.

1/10.