Blazehgehg

This was a movie I wanted to see as a kid. I would have been about 13 when this came out. My mom sternly refused to rent it; she thought it looked really, really dumb. She knew of the 1977 version, I think even the 1932 version, and said "It'll never work."

Guess what? This movie IS really, really dumb!

The costumes are silly. The drama is corny. It's almost, but not quite campy. Taken as a whole, it's laughable, predictable, and a little bit boring.

It's like, imagine Jurassic Park, with none of the wonder, none of the heart, none of the amazing technology, and when we arrive at the island, things were already a horrifying disaster and only continued to get worse.

A strange, miserable, ugly, stupid movie.

And here we are, back again, at well worn and familiar territory: Star Trek is getting old. The federation has stumbled upon a planet that is, effectively, the fountain of youth. And they intend to take it by force.

We're also back in "extended episode of the TV series" territory. This is not an especially well shot or high budget movie, but compared to TNG or Deep Space Nine, it's definitely a moderate step up from what aired on television. But it still looks cheap in the way that makes it feel like a TV show.

More old problems haunt this movie. They're trying to juice the story up to make it feel bigger than it actually is, but that largely means crew members acting a little out of character. Emotions are a little exaggerated. We get more action not only from phaser rifles, but even bazookas. Even further steps are taken to "fix" Geordi and Data's disabilities. They even go so far as to willingly make Riker shave his iconic beard. Anything to give the impression of taking bigger swings.

But it feels a little too silly at times. And rather than dealing with themes of aging gracefully, this movie feels more like a mid-life crisis. A refusal to get old, an attempt to prove they've "still got it." Trying to make Star Trek look cooler or more magical.

It could be worse, I guess. It's an okay episode of TNG. It's just not very special, outside of being a little more violent than usual. A pretty bog-standard, if sometimes slightly off-kilter TNG adventure.

I'm not much of a westerns guy, usually. But this one's so good it doesn't matter. This is a heck of a movie. Suddenly I am a kid, and the law of the west is the coolest thing on earth.

It does feel a little scattered, I suppose. The cast is huge, and there's a lot to keep track of. The story kind of lurches along, back and forth between lots of moments of will-they-won't-they. It doesn't help that there's never any one antagonist, or at least, not for very long. Different outlaws come forward to be the focus of different legs of the movie, but our characters are fighting more against an idea rather than a specific person.

But this is definitely in the category of a "dudes rock" movie. They get things done, not because they want to, but because they have to. Because nobody else will do it, if not them. And if they shirk that responsibility, consequences will find them sooner or later. So they just have to keep rocking

This movie makes me want to ride a horse and wear a ten gallon hat.