Fort Tilden

'Fort Tilden' is the tale of a ten-mile road trip by a couple of bored Brooklyn brats, who head for the beach to hook up with a pair of charmless dudes. Their airhead odyssey comprises only lame exchanges and minor fiascoes involving various acquaintances and strangers, so the big adventure soon turns into a plodding marathon by bicycle, cab and foot. The 'heroines' are portrayed as spineless selfish simpletons, and although the film is clearly intended to be a comedy, it's short on laughs, wit or interest.

The actresses struggle gamely with the pedestrian material, but their characters' whiny griping and fecklessness leaves one hoping a truck will squash them into roadkill at every intersection. When they finally meet their romantic prospects on a gray windswept seashore, the encounter is just another flaccid flop in a series of screw-ups.

If ever you wondered what happened to the 'valley girl' ethic, rest assured that it is alive and well in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Harper (Bridey Elliott) & Allie (Clare McNulty) are 20-something best friends whose parental affluence hasn't really required them to mature in the years since college. This comedy follows their ill-conceived attempt at being thrifty as they choose to bike (rather than taxi) across Brooklyn to a Rockaway Beach party. These are two of the most vapid and shallow characters ever portrayed as protagonists - they don't learn a thing as they spend hundreds of dollars during their 10 mile odyssey - and that's what's so funny. As for winning the SXSW Grand Jury Prize, I can totally see the comparisons with, festival darling, Lena Dunham's 'Girls' - which is a guilty pleasure of mine - but, where Dunham's wit and goofy characters coax empathy, the 'Fort Tilden' characters have no apparent redeeming qualities. I laughed a bit but this is no Patsy & Edina or Romy & Michele; I got more than my fill of Harper, Allie, and their equally self-centered world.

Those last two words "tediously adorable" is what this film, by writer/Director: Sarah-Violet Bliss, is all about!

The story opens with Bridely Elliott as 'Harper' & Clare McNulty as 'Allie' sharing an apartment near Brooklyn and it is the waning days of August. From their speech, character, and connections we can guess these two girls have grown up in a privileged background. Both live a mostly directionless, aimless, and self indulgent existence. We find out from friends that these two girls are always together and are more twin like than the singing twins that open the story on the apartment building rooftop party. Harper & Allie meet two boys at this party and discover the boys are going to Fort Tilden for a day at the beach. Harper invites herself and Allie to meet the boys at the beach the next day. The two boys do not object.

The next day is the beginning of this story. The two girls have made no plans on how to get to Fort Tilden and, just like their lives, their attempt to travel the ten mile journey is without direction and aimless. They are easily distracted by their self indulgence and personal needs. They even borrow a bicycle from a neighbor and ditch it when the other bike is stolen as they watch the thief take it.

After arriving at the beach, very late in the day, Harper & Allie learn a 'truth' about themselves. They are both about 25 years old and both are college graduates. The boys and two unexpected girls that are with the boys are just teenagers and still in high school. Harper & Allie had no idea they were just teens. Harper's & Allie's view of the world around them is just like they live it. They find themselves still thinking like teens and avoiding the responsibilities of being adults.

After returning to their apartment the movie ends just like it began. Allie receives a video on her computer by the singing twins and both girls listen to them sing and Allie describes them as being tediously adorable. That is how I found this film about a day in the life of Harper & Allie - tediously adorable. These two are likable and charming characters. Their intentions are noble in thought but both lack the will and drive to follow through. The dialog, editing, and acting are meritorious and I would recommend this film to anyone seeking a light comedy and a brief nonthreatening adventure of two girls in a big city.

May 2, 2020 - I recently watched this movie again and I still love it. Only this time I see that at movies end Allie has taken a personal leap by telling Harper - "Then don't listen". And Harper realizes she has had the carpet pulled out from under her. Anybody who has watched this film will understand what I mean.

It's a good movie. Coffee scene alone is worth it. You won't be bummed that you spent time watching it. What more do you want? Okay, so IMDb wants five lines of text or they won't publish my review. I watched it twice to catch certain lines and nuances. Just watch it. It's good. Okay, they need another line of text...

Throwing in my two cents about Fort Tilden. The acting and the cinematography is well done but as to the story, that is another matter.

Pretty sure some will find it amusing and I would hazard to guess some would find it offensive or a parody of a slice of the generation.

It was a hard watch for me but around 1 hour and 6 minutes it hit the core of what I thought it was about and the last 10 minutes further solidified what I though it was supposed to be about.

It doesn't have to be just millennials that the lesson of the movie applies to but anyone who ends up being so out of touch with the realities of life due to their upbringing.