Sharkansas

Sharks again, really? This time Traci "Controversy magnet" Lords and Dominique "It almost looked like I was going to have a decent career" Swain star in yet another shark film.

When a group of female prisoners transport gets hijacked it comes down to them and the prison guards to team up to fight off the onslaught of "Wait for it" Sharkasaurus's. Prehistoric sharks that can move through land as easily as water! As you can imagine it's pretty dire and the distinct lack of budget cripples it. If you can't afford to make a movie about these beasties then simply don't!

Ironically the most famous performers in this film are the worst actors, maybe they just can't be assed anymore. Could you if you were in a movie called Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre?

The Good:

Couple of decent enough performances

The Bad:

WTF level cgi

Generic, clichéd, the works

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Every shark movie creator thinks that a giant shark can swim & sneak up on people in a foot of water

Men are non-committal, women are mysterious

Traci Lords should have stuck to porn

There are already 50 shark movies and most of them are weak even for the fans of the shark attack films. This one is not the worst but actually quite hilarious one.

Somebody blows up something and the prehistoric monsters are released (which time already? Dinoshark, Malibu Shark Attack, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, Megalodon, Jurassic Shark). Parallel, some good looking female prisoners are taken to the forest for some involuntary work. Nobody knows that one of the ladies is organising an escape plan. On the way back the prison truck is ambushed by Rayne - the vampire slayer and a lover of one of the prisoners. Nonetheless, their plans to reach for freedom are quickly revised by river/sand sharks. The local area is also investigated by two agents - Sculder and Molly I presume.

This flick contains everything bad you can get in a shark attack film. It also has everything charming concerning the amateur productions. The special effects are practically none, most of the attacks happen in an off-screen fashion. There is a cheesy romance subplot, god knows what for. However, I must say I was interested in the events. Why? Because the humour was really good. Actually it makes you go throughout the movie quite quick and fortunately it's only 80 minutes long. So normally it would be like 3/10 but I gave more for the funny parts.

This film is rather unique in that it combines the horror of a "shark movie" with the implicit sexuality of a "Woman-in-Prison" film while maintaining a made-for-television format. To that effect there isn't much gore, sex or nudity. However, there are a number of attractive actresses and plenty of action to keep things interesting for the most part. I especially liked the presence of Dominique Swain (as "Honey") and Christine Nguyen ("Michelle Alika") but there were several other young ladies that certainly brightened the scenery as well. On the other hand, the special effects were quite bad and the ridiculous plot involving prehistoric sharks that are able to move about on both land and water certainly didn't help this film overcome its low-budget nature to any degree. But let's face it, this movie was never intended to win an Academy Award in the first place. That being said, although I doubt most viewers will probably enjoy this particular picture, I found it somewhat entertaining--in spite of its rather obvious flaws--and for that reason I have rated it a bit higher than it might deserve. Slightly below average.

The only way to save this by using the script, if there is one, is to start over. Hire Joan Crawford. Even dead she could bring some charm to the screen. The plot is somewhat tied to the great title, so there should be a women's prison with some sharks. If there is a Vincent Price type somewhere with a Shakespearean accent and piercing eyes, that would help. The cast here seems to come from a diet beverage commercial. The special effects are OK. The characters are written to be very stupid. Many of them seem to do what the audience knows is wrong. Fracking is the bad guy. I would guess they will make a buck or two from the title. It is a movie. They did get some people together with a camera operator and they made this. It is not a good bad movie, but it is OK for Bad Movie Night if you can't find Hillbillys in a Haunted House. No nudity. Probably OK for kids who like very dumb movies. I think Flaws is a better Jaws parody.

This movie was actually pretty good for a terrible shark movie. The only thing that really hurts it is the gigantic plot hole near the end.