Should you come across this film I can save you a lot of trouble in terms of wondering whether or not it's something worth watching. One line of dialogue given to Danny Glover within the first minute or so perfectly encapsulates everything that this represents: "I gave up standing for things a long time ago." This is the unabashed confession of an actor who has shown up only for a paycheck, and who in so doing has knowingly forsaken his integrity. Uncork'd Entertainment is a production and distribution company that operates on a level that makes The Asylum look like A24 and Uwe Boll look like Martin Scorsese; despite my boredom and curiosity, had I known they had a hand in making this, I simply would not have even considered pressing "play." Their association is a warning sign that I wish I had had in this instance, because 'Ninja immovable heart' is total rubbish. Everyone involved in making it should be ashamed of themselves, and everyone who has watched - including myself - needs to reevaluate their fundamental decision-making capabilities.
Rob Baard's dialogue and scene writing are hopelessly, uselessly blunt, tactless, and forthright; the narrative is hopelessly, uselessly, pointlessly scattered, loose, incohesive, and almost fully incoherent, not to mention reflective of utmost indifference to any root principles of storytelling. I would say that the screenplay is completely lacking of the faintest hint of writing skill that would exceed the level of the average twelve-year old's education, but then again, I think even my sixth-grade elementary school teacher would have been embarrassed to call me his student if I had turned in a creative writing assignment resembling this. The direction, credited to Baard and John Balazs, is absolutely no better. There is not a single moment to present before us that doesn't come across as limp, halfhearted, false, contrived, and empty. This might actually be the worst direction that I've ever seen, and I watched 'A karate Christmas miracle.' Rarely it seems like someone in the cast might be making an effort, but whether it's a lack of acting abilities on their part or an annihilating effect of the direction, the performances are excruciatingly terrible and unbelievable.
It was the filmmakers' obvious hope that we would be distracted from these flagrant, incredible deficiencies by on-screen graphics that glitch and buzz like a mid-90s (or maybe 80s) computer on the fritz, and by alteration to the basic image to greet our eyes - washed out color, excessive darkness, excessive brightness, occasional split-screen presentation, and so on. The filmmakers were mistaken. Such tricks no more cloak the failures of writing, direction, or acting than they do the egregiously transparent computer-generated "special effects," or the lackluster "stunts." Nor do they hide the haunted, vacant expression of a man who hates himself so thoroughly that all emotion and life has been drained away, and he continuously wishes for his end to come. I don't mean the protagonist, I mean the actor playing him, which is Baard himself. Well, Baard genuinely has no one but himself to blame. Meanwhile, I think filmmaker John Carpenter, he behind such classics as 'The thing' and 'Big trouble in Little China,' has a substantial, earnest case for libel against Baard, Balazs, Uncork'd Entertainment, and all those given producer credits: one of the major supporting characters here is named after him. I have a hard time imagining a greater insult than to tangentially be attached in any manner to 'Ninja immovable heart.'
By whatever means you stumbled onto this dreck, you should not watch it. Whatever you think you might get out of it, you should not watch it. No matter how curious or bored you are, you should not watch it. Whatever impetus you think you might have for checking out this 2014 feature, you should not watch it. I don't think it would be at all unfair for Baard, Balazs, and the others involved here to be blacklisted from the industry. Their assets should be seized and sold off, with the profits to be divided among the cast and crew who somehow got roped into participating, and the viewers who have ever made the mistake of sharing in the viewing experience. True, the resulting compensation may end up being mere pennies, which isn't nearly enough to truly atone for the movie's sins, but something is better than nothing. And nothing - nothingness, oblivion, the void, the abyss, eternal obscurity - is exactly where 'Ninja immovable heart' belongs. No one should ever watch this, end of story.
