Nude Area

Two young women look at each other a lot. Nothing happens. They stand nude next to each other in the gym showers many times. Nothing happens. They watch each other combing their hair several times. Nothing happens. They sit next to each other on the bed. Nothing happens. They almost kiss several times, but they never do.

This is a ridiculously pretentious and boring movie about two women who are too much in love with themselves to be able to engage, love, or have sex with anyone or anything else. They are too sexy for anyone else. I had to play that "I'm too sexy" song by Right Said Fred after watching this goofy movie about two perfect women who can only love themselves, and nobody else.

You may know "Room in Rome" which is a very talkative film (apart from starring two women in a single room, being naked most of the time). Which sets it apart from this one, that also has 2 women who are attracted to each other but also contradict that feeling with what some may call despise at times. Others may call it "teasing" which is a sign of affection of sorts.

Whatever you want to call it, the characters/actors are not calling it anything. Because as my summary suggests (if you haven't read about it already), the movie is silent in that regard. And I was almost hesitant to watch this, because the only audio option I had was "German" on the menu of the disc and I knew this wasn't a German production. But as I did start watching it and realizing this would not future any dialog, I could concentrate on the visual aspect of it. Apart from different locations and a few other naked individuals running around, this is capable of telling the (love) story of two persons that seem to be made for each other (no pun intended).

Having said that, this may feel like a bore to quite a few people, especially when the pace is as slow as it is here. Whatever you may think of it, it is beautiful to watch (not exciting or explicit mind you and doesn't need to be)

In Amsterdam, rich white girl Naomi and poor Middle Eastern girl from the wrong neighborhood, Fama, meet at the nude of a female-only sauna. This begins a summer of flirting, gamesmanship, and emotional manipulation for this lesbian coupling.

There are chapters and there is no dialogue.

This is a failed experiment. Also I failed this movie. It is both. After about twenty minutes, I realized that there is not going to be any dialogue and I got bored. I ended up fast forwarding most of the movie. I failed, but the movie also failed to keep my interest. Even silent movies have text to advance the plot. The plot is too thin for that and the chapter headings do very little. This is an inventive way to allow two non-acting models to lead a movie, but that's not enough.

An interesting experiment in finding out how long you can make a movie with two people just looking at each other.

The answer is not 1 hour and 20 minutes, that much we've learned.

If you're a fan of looks, however, this movie has got you covered. From stolen glances to lingering stares, this movie has got it all.

Yet the most impressive part, and also the most amusing, was the wide shot of a completely empty Dam Square; they even managed to get rid of the pigeons.

But not the taxis. "Screw your movie, we got money to make, yo."

And still I'm rating this five stars. I sat it out to till end.

And I kinda hate myself for it, because I don't want to be that guy who decides the quality of a movie by the appearance of the actresses.

But... damn.

Imaan Hammam is beautiful to start with, though I pity the person who has to clean her shower drain.

Sammy Boonstra, however... Man, put her in all the movies. Including the ones that have already been made. If I believed in love, I'd be in it right now, and if I knew how simping worked, I'm sure I'd give that a go too.

Sadly, this movie didn't do it for me. I'm not smart enough to keep track of who imagined what and in which order, now am I cultured enough to grasp the symbolism that was undoubtedly in there somewhere.

But damn if it wasn't easy on the eyes.

This movie is available for free on Tubi. The creators of the movie should have paid me to watch it. There is no dialog in the movie. Nothing happens in it. It is mostly the two main characters just staring at things and each other. Seriously.

I'm not the kind of person who only enjoys Michael Bay pics with explosions, shootouts, and car chases. I like a wide range of movies. Perhaps my favorite genre is romance. But this movie never caught me, not even in the slightest bit. I can't even recommend it as a good movie to fall asleep to because the soundtrack is annoying. In one scene the background "music" was nothing more than a single tone that was so ear piercing I had to mute the movie.

The only people giving this movie good ratings are those who have a financial stake in it.