Jersey Shore Shark Attack

With a title like this and the fact it was being broadcast on the SyFy Channel I wasn't expecting a film cruelly passed over at the Academy Awards . I was expecting some dumb entertainment with all the rabidly aesthetic appeal of BAYWATCH

To be honest dumb entertainment where you have to switch your brain off is something I did get but the main disappointment is how on earth can a bunch of young women running around in bikinis be so unattractive ? The main bimbo is Nooki ( Stop laughing ) is under the impression that a man is only attracted to a women if she has a bronze skin tone . Let me speak on behalf of 3.5 billion men and state that beauty comes from the inside and not out of a bottle of instant suntan solution . Nooki's suntan is even more distracting and unconvincing than the CGI used in the movie

Dumb shark movies are a dime a dozen (have water, add shark, sprinkle with people in swimwear, and blend) but this one does it superbly well, and adds in some cheesy Jaws elements that I personally enjoyed.

The title is an invitation to watch some brain dead clowns get chased by fish with big teeth. Kitschy craziness is promised, and this latest in SyFy channel low budget mutant shark movies delivers enough to make the joke work.

The cast of look-alikes did a great job of spoofing their infamous reality show counterparts. The girl doing Snooki was a dead ringer for her. She and the others had their English-slaying "Joyzee" speech down pat, and the patented stupidity of JS's regulars was a good fit for this type of movie.

Enter the sharks. Like a zillion other movies like this made on the cheap, the sharks are the result of evil corporate America. The special effects were deliberately cheap and fake looking, and are so bad they're funny. Plenty of red dye gets tossed around, but no real grisly scenes, so the comic approach works.

Obviously not to be taken seriously. How can anybody fault sharks or be afraid of them for going after these dummies? If anything, you'll root for the sharks.

Many years ago, hundreds of locals and tourists were massacred by giant man-eating sharks in the infamous 1916 Jersey Shore attacks. But that was just a legend... or is it?

I love how the cover quote says this film is better than "The Avengers". Either that guy was paid a lot of money, was on some really good prescription medication, or was willing to sell his soul and lie just to get his name on the cover of a DVD.

I also love how the producer and second unit director is Fred Olen Ray, pretty much the modern master of the B movie. This film does not have Ray's style to it, though, so I am a bit curious which parts were second unit.

Sadly, I must confess that overall this was not a terrible movie. While more comedy than horror, they really pulled all the stops in capturing the "Jersey Shore" feel with muscles, guidos, and fake tans. The actors chosen were excellent for their respective parts, and even a few bigger names -- Paul Sorvino, Joey Fatone -- made appearances. I am a bit impressed.

Great film? No. But actually somewhat better than much of what the SyFy network produces.

When a film starts off with "Come in, I won't bite you. Unless you want me to" and goes downhill from there you know you are in trouble.

Total waste of time, from the script (see above) to the special affects (sharks look like kids bathtub play things) , there is nothing good about this movie.

The acting is what you would expect from the TV show, so, umm, not good.

I think it is the first film I have seen in a while that I can think of nothing at all good to say about it.

SyFy channel are known for their cheesiness, they outdid themselves this time.

Unless you are a fan (and even then) avoid.