Noticias

Movies24 is now scheduling back-to-back low-end Christmas films. What would happen when I went on a watching bender?

It's only November, but already film channel Movies 24 has transformed itself into Christmas 24. It now broadcasts nothing but Christmas films. Not classic Christmas films, either – these are all TV movies and Hallmark specials and straight-to-dvd anomalies.

It's enough to test even the most committed Christmas fan, so I set myself a challenge. Could I watch 12 straight hours of Christmas 24 without losing my mind? Here's a chronology of my travails.

9am-11am: Christmas Mail (2010)

A put-upon postman falls in love with a woman drafted in to answer all of Santa's letters. It sounds sweet, but in reality the woman can't get through a single line without giggling or staring vacantly into space, and the postman is the legal guardian of an annoying big-toothed orphan who likes to call spaghetti "missghetti". It's basically a big will-they-won't-they story.

Besides the sexy poster you see below, the upcoming After Dark horror flick “Scream of the Banshee” doesn’t have a lot going for it. Not only is it directed by “Automaton Transfusion” director Steven Miller and penned by “Boo” mastermind Anthony Ferrante, it’s only bankable stars are Lauren Holly and Lance Henriksen. The plot certainly sounds intriguing — a group of college kids open a box that contains the scream of a blood-thirsty banshee — but when you factor in everything mentioned above, expectations should be adjusted accordingly. If you want to see something truly horrifying, watch Lauren Holly’s “The Town Christmas Forgot”. Chill you to the bone, it will. Via Shock Till You Drop...

There you are, all curled up on the sofa, holding a mug of hot cocoa with one hand, knitting an unsightly reindeer sweater with the other. Your tree is twinkling, your fireplace is glowing, and your neighbors are caroling semi-competently on your snow-dusted lawn. Is there anything that could make this scene more festive? You bet your sweet chestnuts there is. The holidays aren’t officially the holidays until we gorge ourselves on the buffet of new Christmas TV movies served up around this time of year. Are they corny? Like an Iowa farm. Predictable? You can set your watch...

There you are, all curled up on the sofa, holding a mug of hot cocoa with one hand, knitting an unsightly reindeer sweater with the other. Your tree is twinkling, your fireplace is glowing, and your neighbors are caroling semi-competently on your snow-dusted lawn. Is there anything that could make this scene more festive? You bet your sweet chestnuts there is. The holidays aren’t officially the holidays until we gorge ourselves on the buffet of new Christmas TV-movies served up around this time of year. Are they corny? Like an Iowa farm. Predictable? You can set your watch to...