The Hike

When a young enthusiastic Jewish-American began this journey into torture porn territory (thank you Eli Roth you schmuck) which is something none of us should be proud of, it signalled a movement of derivation and copycat movies the likes of which haven't been seen since those that followed in the wake of the heady and exciting days of Jason, Michael, and Leatherface in the late 70's / early 80's.

The number of movies that have regurgitated the 'youngsters in peril' storyline have been overwhelmed, if not in number, certainly in the ferocity of their horror, by those now taking young (and old) characters without discrimination and putting them through any number of horrendously painful, vomit-inducing, and gut-churning scenarios to prolong and enhance the pain of death.

With films like Frontieres and Martyrs, the French have begun a renewed journey into the bizarre and gratuitous, last seen in 70's, though oddly the narratives have way more depth than those coming from America and Britain. The Brit attempts at this subversive sub-genre are more lame than a three-legged pony with a limp. The Hike opens with positive intent. It's just that the deaths are glossed over, and merely suggested at. That isn't torture porn and to be honest it's pretty poor for a slasher/psycho type horror too. For one commentator to liken this even remotely to the set up (group of girls) of The Descent is ambitious to say the least. In order to have that sort of impact there needed to be something thoroughly dynamic in the opening 5 minutes.

Director Bryant(Rupert not David) missed a golden opportunity there, and sadly everything goes downhill very rapidly from that point on. The only thing that brought even the remotest interest for me was the walk through the forest to the waterfall which was very reminiscent of Neil Marshall's caving flick. The Hike at that point 'felt' quality. But it didn't last long. The camp scene and onwards to the mid-point at around 40 minutes was as if Bryant studied The Descent frame by frame and basically built his opening 20 minutes around Neil's set up (but without the money to have a log cabin - hell even one of the character's asks if a cabin's where they are sleeping).

The cast (girls) were very pretty, but eye-candy trades off ho-hum as actors. There wasn't one stand out - albeit Stephanie Siadatan was quite the little hottie in her tight hipsters and bikini top. Nedeljakova, probably the biggest name on show, turns in a very ordinary performance. The rest were unrecognisable names that didn't take the opportunity to shine. Shauna MacDonald was easily the best on show brief as her appearance was. But the most annoying thing for me was Pythian - I didn't believe for one minute she was ex-British Army who had served in Afghanistan. Dialogue and some terminologies were forced, inaccurate in a lot of cases. I loved the way she just stared at the map and compass at the start of the trek - no bearings taken, no waypoints marked - a military map would be marked as a matter of process on exercise - once you've done that once it's like muscle memory. Why do filmmakers make stuff with military elements and NOT get technical advice? Saving a buck or two I expect but costing them in authenticity. By far Pythian's 'best' moments were when she was the vulnerable victim, busted, broken, and running scared.

I know that Pythian is some big deal in martial arts but jeez the girl can't seem to act - very one note, monotone delivery. In fight sequences okay, fair enough; combat skills for martial arts movies I can understand. But in this in particular she just didn't cut regular squaddie, Special Forces, AI, or anything remotely connected to military (or police for that matter either). Every film she's in, she's a tough cookie who punches and kicks her way clear of trouble. Sadly it seems fighting skills are ALL she is employed for. If she wants to develop as an actress she needs to take on more roles that allow her acting talents (assuming she has some beyond looking moody) to do the impressing for her.

The guys too were incredibly one note and the story made so obvious even a blind man with a deaf mute dog could've seen what was coming ! The red herring Russian stank so badly it was more kipper ! It made the narrative unbearable - no tension, no terror. Even the gratuitous violence, nudity, and gore failed to appear. I think Bryant bottled it. That's lazy and dismally poor filmmaking. Either set out your stall and deliver or just don't make out you can do what you clearly can't. Shame really because the setting was beautiful and the cinematography was well composed. The DP comes out of this with some credit at least.

How to sum The Hike up? Dismal and lazy that neither delivered on its torture porn potential nor delivered the alternative killer / slasher in the woods – a firework with a lit fuse that 'phuts and fizzles' - extinguishes before the main event. The Descent and Eden Lake plagiarisms are unforgivable - talk about ripping from much better sources. The Hike was predictable, laboured, poorly conceived, poorly cast, and failed to deliver on expectation. Horror of all genres is the one where a known audience exists and where theatrical, DVD, and VOD success can almost be guaranteed.......as long as a filmmaker remembers what audiences want and delivers upon it........even if that delivery comes from left field. The Hike wasn't even in the stadium, and will undoubtedly be consigned to the 'missed by a quarter mile' bin at Blockbusters.

It starts of well and then? well...it turns into a sexist porn/horror movie. Unpleasant to watch and very gratuitous, its such as shame as it starts off well. I am not sure who this film would appeal to, it has strong female characters that are reminiscent of the women from The Descent, but is horribly sexist to the point that any female viewer would want to turn it off. The men are ridiculous unbelievable characters, and if they appeal to any viewers then I suggest they seek specialist help.

Some of the acting is very poor, especially from the women and that makes it hard to watch. I would avoid at all costs/

Well have t we seen all of this before and done better of course.

Women who ar feed and need a break go to secluded woods or so they think so and get hunted down to be raped and murdered, yep that's it in a nutshell oh I forgot, there is one who is ex military and suffering from some sort of ptsd.

So there you have the movie in a few sentences, so should you sit down and watch it, well no.

The script is awful, the acting is awful, from the over the top foreign guy who has an attitude with everyone who. Imps into him, to cliched to be taken seriously, so it comes across as laughable, please don't hire him again, his acting was the worst on screen and that is saying something.

So when I say it's bad, I mean it is awful, not worth the watch.

Even the opening scene when the girls meet up you get an over the top act from a jealous boyfriend and if you hate his acting then you will hate the film.

Avoid at all costs.

I have seen some great survival horror films over the last few years, Resurrection County, Frontiers, Rogue River, I spit on your grave ( 2010 ) and Eden Lake to name a few. This one is the low point of this horror sub-genre. The acting and locations were good, it was just nothing scary about our antagonists. No back story, no character development and no suspense to speak of. Dull and boring that seemed longer then its 82 minute running time. I didn't buy into any of this and the ending is sooooo transparent and you can feel it coming from a mile away. If your lucky stay miles away from this film. Garbage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE HIKE is another nastiness-in-the-woods slice of British horror. The template for this one seems to be EDEN LAKE, which is ripped off continuously, particularly at the climax. The storyline involves a group of girls who decide go off on a trip into the deepest darkest woods (shades of THE DESCENT in the group dynamics) only to run foul of some nasty blokes for whom rape and murder is the order of the day.

There's one decent twist in this film's storyline but the rest of it is a complete dud if I'm honest. Like a lot of modern horror flicks, THE HIKE mistakes unpleasantness for scares, and watching women being raped and abused isn't much fun. The brooding set-up is effective enough but the second half falls apart completely. The whole thing is shot in the dark with lots of shaky-cam work as interchangeable characters run around and kill or are killed in turn. You won't give a damn what's going on because by this stage the storyline has dwindled away and the viewer is left watching cheapjack trash.