Don't Look in the Cellar

This is probably the worst slasher movie I've ever seen and that's saying a lot. The other review is totally right this was shot in a house unless this is an asylum with a furnished living room complete with family pictures. These actors could not have had any less personality on screen which I'm sure is a combination of their lack of ability and the truly awful writing. Randal Malone as Wendel is absolutely the best part of the movie he steals every scene he's in. He's so bizarre I wish he was the focus of the whole movie. Also it's shot on what I think is an HD hand-held camcorder which really doesn't do it any favors. It's like taking a highlighter pen to your awful affects. It also shows off the bad job the makeup department did (sorry actors). It really would have been better off with a grainier film look.

That all being said seriously you need to watch this movie. If you thought Birdemic: Shock and Terror was bad this is actually worse. If you thought that was funny to riff on at a party this is actually better. Please watch this and spread this plague.

Two girls go into an abandoned 'asylum' for their sorority initiation and of course meet untimely demises by Smiley (a mental patient who wears a burlap sack with a smiley face on it). This is all a story being told by a class teacher, some of the students get intrigued and wish to find out what really happened (well that and they want extra credit)

Other than perhaps masochism on my part, I actually have no earthly idea how I was able to sit through this excruciatingly bad movie. Less than 10 minutes in I was already regretting my decision and it only got worse from there. Putrid acting, a lame 'heavy', and with a cast of obnoxious characters that I had no interest in whatsoever. AND to add insult to injury there's not even any nudity... FOR SHAME

My Grade: F

My vote reflects the real quality of this movie, though I do have to say that it was that sort of horrible that actually encourages watching. I hate to make the train wreck analogy for fear of the cliché, but it crossed the line from horror to humorous within the first 10 minutes or so and that is one of the many varieties of cheap horror flick that keep me glued to the screen.

The plot is at the same time simple to the point of boredom and yet strangely convoluted, and one of the film's few good points is that it does attempt to wrap up these loose ends rather neatly by the end. Unfortunately, the conclusion is weak and unsatisfying and it is almost impossible to take anything that happens seriously because the acting is about as bad as it gets without it ACTUALLY being a joke.

The premise revolves around a group of community college students who spend the night at an abandoned insane asylum for an extra credit report for their local history course. Their professor planted the idea in their minds because of a lecture she had given about urban legends, and apparently the asylum has a pretty interesting legend. Unsurprisingly, a handful of the characters have a past that ties in with the asylum in an eye-rolling way and the overnight visit reveals these secrets.

My favorite character had to be Wendel, if just for his absolutely stunning role as the insane man who stands in a room and tells a bunch of 30-something-actors-playing-20-something-college-students not to go into the cellar because there is a murderous psycho down there (and they subsequently do, without fail).

Whatever. Point is, the acting is horrible, the story is horrible, the cinematography is so horrible it must have been intentional (so many dramatic ~angled up behind some woman's butt~ shots) but it all adds up to a mediocre dose of bad movie glee. Recommended for that reason if for nothing else.

A group of college students regret their decision to sneak into the cellar of a haunted asylum on Halloween. One by one they encounter Smiley (Jed Rowen), the last of a flawed bloodline.

This movie is pretty terrible, but the reason boils down to one key factor: they had no money, and used a very cheap camera. They probably should not have made a movie and it definitely should not be on Netflix, but it is and I watched it.

In all fairness, the acting is not too bad, at least from the students (I found the inmates far too cheesy). And the plot is nothing amazing, but really no worse than half of the horror films that get made. I will give these guys a little credit. Maybe invest in a better camera, learn a few new angles to shoot from, and you might have a passable movie. Maybe.

I mean seriously, how the hell can this have cost $1.2 million? Surely they didn't pay any of the actors, because I'm fairly certain none of them had other work and would have paid for any film role.

It doesn't look like they actually used any film. The costumes must have come from a charity shop (or did the actors bring their own?). I'm fairly certain the sets where essentially wherever they decided to get the camera out. Fake blood doesn't cost that much.

Seriously, there is only one reason this film can have been made, and that is to try and make a clean sweep of the Raspberrys.

It is terrible, terrible, terrible, on so many levels.

OK, so I've given you the build up.

Now go and watch it. It is so bad, it is side-splittingly hilarious.