Indiana Jones y el dial del destino

With a heavy heart, I think I have to concede that Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is not good. It's probably even bad, because even the parts that are sort of entertaining ultimately disappoint.

Take for example the prologue with a de-aged Harrison Ford. The technology used to do it is impressive, and only looked awkward in a couple of shots for me. It's Indy adventuring during the end of World War II, and it almost captures the adventure/action you'd want. However, it's so dimly lit that barely anything can be seen. It's probably to disguise the de-aging, but it's disappointing. The stuff you can see isn't particularly great, but it fares better than the next couple of big action scenes.

These are spaced out over the next 80 to 90 minutes. Said 80 to 90-minute stretch is honestly very boring. Harrison Ford is trying, and John Williams' score is pretty good. I usually like Phoebe Waller-Bridge, but her character didn't work for me. Barely any of the humor landed. The action is incredibly dull and quite often poorly shot. Ford himself isn't in much of the action, which is understandable, but it also begs the question of why they even bothered trying to make an action movie with an 80-year-old man.

I swear characters enter a hotel at night, and they come out the front door five minutes later and it's the middle of the day. Why did they bring John Rhys-Davies back without giving him anything to do? Why was Antonio Banderas in this for like, five minutes? Why do they think audiences will care that Banderas and Toby Jones play "friends" of Indiana Jones, even if they've never been seen or mentioned before this film? Why does Hollywood keep wasting Mads Mikkelsen?

The final half-hour is sort of fun, but it concludes very abruptly and awkwardly. Some people will hate where the movie goes regardless, but I thought it came close to giving the whole thing a pulse. The final scene itself sounds like it should work on paper, but it did nothing for me emotionally. As I walked home, I liked the movie less and less, the more I thought about it.

It's so lifeless and uninspired, and even if maybe a third of it is passable, the rest is a combination of boring and baffling. Even if you're a big fan of the series, I wouldn't bother. This is a good deal worse than the other four.

I'm at a loss. I thought Indiana Jones was about an adventuring archeologist hunting ancient religious artifacts to be preserved in museums. And the first 20 minutes confirm that sentiment.

And to be fair, John Williams' fantastic score reminds me that I did walk into the right showing. But instead of a rousing epic, I witnessed a strange concoction of overblown ideas, baffling casting choices, plot conveniences, bad dialogue, and some of the worst written characters I can remember. Especially Helena, who's played by a talented PWB but is written to be an insufferable, pedantic braggart.

There's a strange veneer that makes everything resemble something familiar. But it all feels off. Even the deepfakery produced some chuckles in the theatre.

There's some fun scenes and cameos and I enjoyed the villain. But calling this an Indiana Jones movie? Maybe Illinois Jones.

It was ok as a romp to not take seriously but it was spoilt by Phoebe Waller-Bridge's character, Helena, who seemed to be smiling incessantly. Very 1-sided character I disliked, and given the amount of screen time, spoilt the movie.

Chases were fun if not ridiculous: would three-wheeled vehicles be able to travel that fast round corners without toppling over?

I felt many of the action sequences relied too heavily on computer generation making them feel unrealistic. Some of the vehicle manoeuvres and the shooting of the characters within them didn't ring true and took my attention away from the movie.

Glad there weren't be anymore, even though I grew up with Raiders.

There is no way you can fix the industry and begin producing good movies again if you can still make tens of millions of profit with this bad casting, this bad script, this bad editing and this bad production.

I've always thought that nobody worse than Shia LeBeouf could be cast in this franchise but Phoebe Waller Bridge... Wow!

Sometimes, as a producer, you should finish the product, then watch it and decide not to release it out of self respect.

Even The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull couldn't ruin the legacy for me but Phoebe Waller Bridge managed to do it in 5 minutes.

A young Harrison Ford CGI dubbed by the actual one was just tragic.

I want to live in a world where Indiana Jones is a trilogy and stopped with The Last Crusade.

Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny has all the issues that have plagued other summer blockbusters this year. It is overly reliant on CGI and expects nostalgia to see it through.

James Mangold is a competent director but he's no Spielberg. It's almost like he's read a guide to making an Indiana Jones movie and missed the mark. There is no heart to the movie which is the Spielberg spark it's missing.

The CGI is horrific with the worst saved for Harrison Ford's face. The movie is like 90% CGI and may as well have been like animation at times. Past characters are written out in abhorrent fashion and threw away without a care.

The last 30 minutes. Well...they nuked the fridge. (Bring back the aliens)