Baywatch: Los vigilantes de la playa

My review for this movie is sort of late as I had zero interest in viewing it when it came out. The trailers looked silly, bad, cringy so I skipped. Now, almost 6 years later it has come to pass that there was nothing better on the TV, so I gave it a chance.

Is the movie Bad? Yes. It is very selfaware though, over the top, silly and dare I say... fun. The movie is just ridiculous in a good way, making fun of but also tributing the original series.

The plot is simple, the actors are just having fun on set. The CGI is laughable, but I believe on purpose. There is a part with a rescue from a burning boat. The flames look so fake that it was funny in it's own right (sharknado level CGI in fact).

Do not expect inteligent humor, do not expect a well thought out plot, effects or acting.

In fact, this movie is probably best consumed with a group of friends and a side of alcohol. I went into this movie with absolutely zero expectations and came out pleasantly surprised with how much I was entertained.

I watched this once and hated it, but then watched it a few years later with my mom and we both cracked up. The key is to not take it too seriously, it's Baywatch.

Lots of pretty people and tight outfits, but again, it's Baywatch.

I thought the comedy was pretty simple but it fit the movie. Lots of hard-on jokes and flirting.

I think the best part is all the stuff that happens to Zach's character. Especially the morgue scene. Absolutely hilarious.

I say, if you like movies like "Pineapple Express", "Superbad", etc then you'll probably like this movie.

Might I also suggest partaking of substances to help you enjoy yourself.

Baywatch is a movie based off the popular TV show of the same name which launched the careers of such acting talents as Yasmine Bleeth and Pam Anderson. And then those quickly died right afterwards but hey, the show ran like 11 years and…little known fact, Jason Mamoa was on spin-off show Baywatch: Hawaii.

The movie is very much like the show; as in if you walk in expecting to take it seriously you're already watching it wrong. The situations people need to be rescued from are just as ridiculous and far-fetched and the main plot here gets far more convoluted and hackneyed than the average day of any real lifeguard.

And like 21 Jump Street and a bunch of lesser TV to movie adaptations, this seeks to make fun of all of it, plus all the slo-mo beach running. Does it come off as good as Jump Street? No. Do we need this? God no. I mean didn't the show basically already make fun of itself enough as it is?

But all I can say here, and I guess the only thing anyone interested in this might want to know is, it could have been so much worse. I'm not saying this is the best movie of the summer so far. I don't really even know if i'm saying this is a good movie. But it's easy enough to sit through and the laughs, while not great, are consistent.

Where the script sucks, the cast knows how to make fun of itself. The Rock is the head honcho who takes the job very seriously. Zac Efron is the selfish, cool pretty boy new trainee who clashes with him. Both have a plethora of jokes for one another that work with varying degrees of success.

There's a fat lifeguard and the movie takes the shots you would expect it to take but actor Jon Bass also does have some comedic talent here in the Josh Gadd sense of the word. Actually he may even be funnier than Josh Gadd. Point is he works the best here from a comedic perspective.

The movie gives us quite a few dick jokes but this dude actually has one embarrassing moment that may rank up there with "There's Something About Mary", just with not as good a payoff.

Hannibal Burress also gets a couple scenes for a cameo and I love when he gets those. It's time for Burress to headline a movie though.

The women aren't as funny but I guess you can say they add some nice support to that and the action. Alexandra Daddario has shown a few times she's a pretty decent actress, and the others don't just seem like stiffs there to just show off a hot body. Priyanka Chopra is also here as the villain, and she's fine.

The whole movie can really be described as fine. It's funny and doesn't take itself too seriously and the cast all seems game for it. You don't have to see, but if you do, know it's already planning on sequels.

But overall I say 6 out of 10. If you guys liked this, check me out on Youtube for more.

It's a warm, beautiful day on the beach. The pristine waves crash gently against the sand as the sun-kissed folk of Southern Florida come out to play. Lifeguard Post 1 stands like a sentinel - its windows permanently cocked forward towards the horizon. There's a change in the wind. A wind surfer looses control of his sail and is catapulted upward towards the sky before plummeting, head first into a coral reef. He's knocked unconscious...all seems lost. Then Mitch Buchannon (Johnson) appears on the scene.

What results is a valiant rescue that inexplicably involves slow-motion running, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson flexing his pectorals underwater, fireworks and dolphins for some reason. The movie could have stopped right there as by that point we got the best version of what could have been the cinematic version of a far-fetched TV show. Unfortunately the first fifteen minutes aren't so much a harbinger of the hilarity to come but rather a visual metaphor for the movie's inflated sense of self.

The film energetically sets up its main characters with all-too-brief introductions on tryout day. We immediately endear ourselves veterans Stephanie (Hadera), C.J. (Rohrbach) and Mitch as they judge incoming trainees the tough and brainy Summer (Daddario), the dorky Ronnie (Bass) and disgraced former Olympic swimmer Matt Brody (Efron) whose ego Mitch sees as a liability. Much of the film's prouder moments are spent with The Rock and Efron doing what they do best; The Rock deflating Brody's ego with real-deal charisma and action hero one-liners - Efron playing the dim-witted, put-upon jock who deserves everything he has coming to him because he was in High School Musical (2006).

But just when you think everything will turn out for this movie, the narrative drastically shifts to a crime story that stops the movie's momentum cold. The narrative thrust involves the new owner of the beach's fancy yacht club (Chopra) and her suspicious connection to a new designer drug called Flaka. The rest of the movie doesn't so much spend time exploring that connection or its implications (Chopra compares herself favorably to a Bond villain pretty much from the get go) but instead it lays every aspect of the conspiracy out on the table and waits for the lifeguards to connect the dots.

This ploy not only doesn't work but it basically splits Baywatch into two completely unsatisfying pieces. The first piece brings a diversity of comic set-pieces which on their own, probably couldn't make a good sketch on Key and Peele (2012-2015). They lack a depth of character requiring one or two of them to be more gullible, less resourceful or otherwise dumber than what was previously established.

The other half of the movie plants its flag firmly on The Rock's ability to recap what we already know while Priyanka Chopra chews unhelpfully on the scenery until the timer runs out. All throughout the film drops hints that you should care about this or that - an insert shot of a watch brings more pause than a fiery boat rescue. Yet because nothing new is ever revealed, the film's call for attention becomes soporifically annoying.

The overall tone of the film is also aggressively reductive, treating the, in retrospect quaint misogyny of the original series with an uncomfortable amount of contrarian glee. Every time one of the girls of Baywatch justifiably call out the boys for being pervs, the payoff by the end of the film amounts to nothing more than quid pro quo ribbing or worse - they end up with the dude at the end. If Baywatch had just treated the subject as window-dressing, I might have been inclined to let it go (after all trash TV is trash TV). Unfortunately the movie stops just short of waving its d**k in the air while saying "you think we're being sexist, f**k you bruh!" Thus I think its worth a brief mention.

Baywatch has all the necessary ingredients to make a pretty satisfying comedic soup. Unfortunately apart from The Rock and Efron standing out as the film's sole saving graces, everything else is squandered on a useless story, oblivious editing and a unifying tone that's unnecessarily combative. Unless you're the type of person who truly believes Kelly Rohrbach's slo-mo runs along the beach are enough to maintain your attention, I suggest skipping out on this aggressively unfunny movie.

On a related note: Stop with the dorky guy gets the hot girl for doing nothing cliché. It's been done a hundred times before, you're bringing nothing new to the table and it's come to the point where if you do it at all it just feels icky. The Sam Witwickys of the the world should have to, you know, work for it now.

I can understand a bit why you guys rates it that low. You probably wanted a good plot. When I walked into the theaters I expected 3 things: Muscles, macho and action. It's not about the plot. It doesn't matter with a cliché-plot, because It's all about what I mentioned. Watch this movie again, and focus on those three things. I loves Baywatch because of these things!