Dinocroc vs. Supergator

There can't be anyone left in the civilised world, or even Belgium, who doesn't know what to expect from a SyFy original FooCritter vs BarBeast quota filler by now.

In case you want to bake your own, here's the recipe:

A title vomited out by the Random Creature Name Generator, run twice.

One has-been Name who neglected their 401K back when they could actually pick and choose their projects.

Half a dozen desperate wannabes, harvested from the weeping rejects of other people's auditions.

4000lbs of assorted bikinis, short-shorts and military surplus, plus sweater meat and six packs to fill them. Quality unimportant, just back the truck up, tip them all out, and we'll film whatever works.

2 buckets of plot and lines swept from the editing room of actual features.

A double-scoop of "nature's revenge" technobabble, with a generous sprinkling of pseudo-science so utterly and boldly bogus that it must surely qualify as deliberate nerd baiting.

60 seconds of ropey CGI, re-shown from every possible angle.

Shake vigorously and squeeze down a warm cable for 90 minutes.

Come on, you know exactly what you're getting. A dash of cleavage, a splash of CGI gore, plastic props that ejaculate the same muzzle flash every frame for 20 seconds - no need to reload if you're not even using real fake guns - a corpse-a-minute, and a climax that could charitably be described as genre compliant.

To be fair, this is a particularly moist and well baked example of the recipe. The walking snacks do a generally decent job of flashing their funbags and emoting their precious lines before queuing up to become lizard chow, the girl-next-door lead poppet is all eyes and pout, the male leads aren't obvious douches, and a few scenes feature something shockingly close to actual acting.

The CGI in particular is surprisingly well rendered, efficiently used (and re-used), and occasionally very decently integrated into the live shots, sometimes even matching variable light and shade - surely a SyFy first. The live action is also competently shot, edited and scored: this is clearly someone's day job.

All of which must be kept in perspective. Strictly relative to other SyFy features, Dinocroc vs. Supergator is about an 8/10, which applying the SyFy Fudge Factor puts it at a solid 4 on the real scale. Not bad at all, especially if you bring a few beers and low expectations.

Outrageously fun mayhem of a movie featuring two giant crocs.

Great movie because of outrageous motion sequences involving the two monsters. See the two lovers getting eaten by the croc. See the cameraman getting eaten. See the worker getting smashed under a wall Dino croc blasted open. The action is hilariously funny. And David Carridine's performance is pretty good.

What makes this movie good is because it has lots of attitudes and they're funny in kind of a good way.

One of a better movie from Syfy channel. Everyone and everything has attitudes in this movie, and is a kicker to watch.

Well, you know exactly what you're getting with that title, so it's no surprise that DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR is a real stinker of a film. You know the film has to be bad when even cult director Jim Wynorski is hiding underneath a pseudonym. This one was handled by the SyFy Channel as a clear spin on the surprisingly popular Asylum movies, but it's even worse than those, if that's even possible.

The plot line is the usual stuff with government meddling in nature leading to the creation of not one but two super critters. Yes, they fight - eventually and in the most routine fashion - but until that stage we're mired in a mess of rubbishy actors and excruciating dialogue. David Carradine headlines the cast here but appears only in a minor role; for the most part it's blonde bimbo time, with nubile women running around in their bikinis and getting munched on bloodlessly. There's a wooden and ridiculously masculine hero called simply The Cajun, plenty of cheesy CGI effects, and an almost entire lack of blood and gore on display. Even B-movie fans will struggle with this one.

Two of the mightiest and most fearsome beasts the world has ever known are brought together for a titanic fight to the finish. Or not.

About all these two do is prowl around some island and make occasional jump-out-of-nowhere kills (as if creatures this big and toothy would need to attack from the shadows). Characters all look suspiciously familiar. There's a Xena wanna-be who looks like Natasha from a Bullwinkle cartoon. There's an Indy Jones clone, and the usual Fish & Game girl. Some Hawaiian print shirt guy blows up stuff. There are some dino-chases-jeep sequences. And don't forget the obligatory extras who show up just in time to get croaked.

It's intentionally campy, and really cheap. A 2-year-old with crayons could make more realistic special effects, and the story meanders aimlessly from scene to scene. As for the clash of the titans promised in the title; don't blink, or you might miss it. High schlock meter reading on this one, and good for some laughs at how dumb it is.

Disappointing action/horror creature feature unfortunately demonstrates how far Director Wynorski has fallen since his 80s hits 'Lost Empire' and 'Chopping Mall'. Despite producer Roger Corman's involvement, this pair of toothless tyrants can't drag themselves up from c-grade depths, their CGI appearance looking anything but terrifying.

The original 'Dinocroc' was very mediocre, saved from oblivion by its veteran cast; unfortunately there's no such reprieve here as David Carradine saunters by a pool given little to do as the title antagonists are accidentally released from their scientific captivity to wreak havoc upon the local farming and recreational community.

The jokes are tired and cliched, the characters pale imitations, with only some perky performances from the assertive deputy Holt (although the lanky lass looks less like a sheriff's deputy and more like a catwalk model), and the equally glamorous scientist (played by Danish siren Sheppard) who alerts our heroes to the impending doom. I also personally enjoyed the brief appearance of the two bikini clad ladies who try in vain to escape the Dino-croc. Whilst nothing novel, that scene was at least somewhat suspenseful and humorous although once again marred by the inept CGI effects.

It's a haphazard production with continuity errors where the scenery doesn't match (e.g. The 'Cajun' is seen shooting at the super gator from the boat onto a nearby dirt road, although he's clearly surrounded by forest), and dreadfully disjointed CGI that deprives the picture of any tension (e.g. The mutilated livestock being inspected by the Sheriff looks like poorly integrated clip art). Overall it's cringey and disappointing even by modern telemovie standards, though perhaps not unexpectedly given the quality of its source material.