Los mercenarios

Tough guys. Always going on suicidal missions. Threatened by bullets and blades. Running from explosions. Best friends waging wars. Nearly killing each other, then going to the bar later to laugh about it. Director and star, Sylvester Stallone, gets all his best men together to kick as much ass as humanly possible, allowing himself a severe beating from Steve Austin. Sly took a serious neck injury. Then he goes in front of a Comic Con audience and jokes about it. A man whose Double-"R" franchises, Rocky and Rambo have both been highly successful. But he keeps coming back for more pain and putting his body on the line for the sake of entertainment. There's nothing tougher than that!

The Expendables is a movie that lifts you up out of your seat, pats you on the head, gives you a lollipop then smashes you in the frickin' face! With a cast like Jason Stathum, Randy Couture, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, Dolph "I Must Break You" Lundgren, and cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, you'd think it would be one crazy mess. Surprisingly, it's more focused then you may think. Just a straight-forward action movie with a reasonable run time that sustains itself and never has a chance to feel dull. It doesn't try to be anything more than what it is.

The only negative: Some of the blood and explosions looked digital. Wish it could have been just a bit more authentic. Sometimes, there was a tad too many closeups during the fight scenes. With so many people fighting at the same time, sometimes I couldn't tell who was punching who. It didn't happen very often, but how cool would it be just for one moment to see three simultaneous fights from a super wide master shot? Never, but I can't blame them. At least let the cameras pull back and allow the choreography to do the work.

It feels nice to get my ass kicked by something I haven't seen yet. It's not Rambo. It's not Rocky. Nor is it another Die Hard or Terminator sequel. It's something fresh, yet feels like it came out of the 80's. It has the perfect blend of humor, blood, sweat, smart-ass comebacks, witty one-liners, and an overabundance of testosterone! Don't expect anything more than action, exposition, action, exposition, all with a nice cherry on top… with sprinkles… and grenades. And some real tough guys. We all wish we could be tough guys. But no, let's just watch'em instead.

Watching this movie was a great experience for an 80's movie buff like me. Its like the advertisement for it says, it has everyone! It says a lot for Sylvester Stallone's toughness that he can still play a tough guy part when he is one year from collecting Social Security. It really tickled me seeing the cameos by Bruce Willis and "The Governator". Its sort of an inside joke, he and Stallone have always had a friendly rivalry. Mickey Rourke really steals the show in his few scenes as a former mercenary turned tattoo artist. He delivers a rambling speech at one point about losing your soul that is really oddly moving in a way. Director Stallone has the camera dwell on his battered features as he delivers it. The awesome special effects, loud explosions and familiar faces sort of blur the fact that the plot from this movie could have easily been an old A Team episode. There really isn't much of one. But who am I to quibble? This movie is a great way to round out the summer.

I am always more than happy to see Stallone coming out and do movies like this, Rambo 4, and the expendables are the reason why actions films are worth watching. Pure action, fun and entertainment, in my opinion far better than those modern day sissy films with pretentiously complex plot and so-called "in-depth" storyline.

The Expendables has star cast characters, mainly action film stars who by modern day standards are "wash-outs". I love that Stallone is bringing together these actors to show people what true action movie is supposed to be like!

Screw the so called "movie critics", they are just a bunch of pretentious fakes who won't criticize the pointless violence in "no country for old man", calling that "artistic" and "in-depth", but willing to spat on "heoric violence" in films such as the expendables, which in my opinion, has far more value than those so called "artistic violence".

Nuff said, Stallone rocks! I hope he will make more films in many years to come!

A novelty film, the novelty being seeing all of these great action stars together in one big action film. Unfortunately, most of them are past their prime, and it's hard to share the spotlight. The action is great, but it just isn't enough to carry the film this time. The characters and plot just aren't developed enough.

So I guess with any film review - it's all about the answers to the important questions. So let's get them out of the way first shall we?

Q) Is the plot descent, with a substantial storyline including dramatic arcs, twists and/or turns?

A) Not particularly.

Q) Are there character arcs and meaningful character developments?

A) A little.

Q) Is there romance?

A) Next question, please.

Q) Is the overall film original?

A) Not at all.

Q) Is it a likely Oscar nomination contender?

A) Hell no!

Q) Is it still awesome?

A) HELL YES!!!!!

Critics should be banned from reviewing films such as these. Anyone with half a brain can tell exactly what kind of film this is and what they're in for purely by the film's trailer alone.

This is a film made for action movie fans and not just regular action movies - I mean REAL action films in the style of the classic 80's action movies where plot and substantial character developments and dialogue took a backseat to intense over-the-top violence, explosions, car chases, sex scenes and catchy, memorable one liners!

The 80's action hero (and villain) breed was a rare phenomenon which will likely die with those very actors who gave them life. No 90's or new millennium "action" movie star will ever come close to being anywhere near as genuinely tough and just plain bad-arse as their 80's predecessor's! Even now with the main 'Expendables' cast pushing 60 +, you know that they would snap Matt Damon's spine in 2 with one hand tied behind their backs!

The 'Expendables' cast consists of Sly Stallone as the fearless leader of the team, Jason (Basketball stabber) Statham as the trusty knife-throwing sidekick, Dolph Lundgren as the treacherous giant one, Jet-Li as the small one, Terry Chews as Wesley Snipes, Mickey Rourke as the tattoo/previous knife-throwing sidekick and Randy Couter as the "who the hell is this guy, oh he's a UFC fighter" guy.

I still can't believe the unbelievable shape these guys are in! They're giants (exception for Jet-li of course).

Still, despite it's 80's throw-back appeal - the film isn't all action. Believe it or not there are slow parts. Mostly unnecessary filler between the action scenes. However the third act of the film makes up for the lack of action and then some!

It's when this third act commences when the true action film we've been waiting to see kicks in and steps up several notches to become the manliest most testosterone-fueled film since the last 'Rambo'!

It's funny, it's loud, it's un-relentlessly violent, an action-packed no-brainer of a film! An 80's action movie fan's wet-dream!!!

Bring on the sequel/s and bring on Jean-Claude Van Damme so he can give Statham the butt-kicking he so desperately deserves!!!