Campos de Londres

One of the worst movies I've ever watched. Amber Heard plays a woman who has foreseen her own murder and spends the rest of the film trying to work out who her killer will be, apparently by ... shall we say "sleeping with" .... all the possible suspects.

I am writing this while half way through it and I already want to kill her myself. She sashays and vamps around valiantly, but cannot pull off the film noir vibe. Heaven only knows what Jim Sturgess thought he was doing. I would like to say he chews up the scenery, but I doubt his crack-head yellowed teeth would be up to the job. Billy Bob Thornton is, well, Billy Bob Thornton, only sleepier than usual. The only high spots are the few appearances by Johnny Depp as a cheerfully villainous Cockney gangster, but he is uncredited in the final product. One can only presume he did not want to be associated with this abomination.

Pretentious, badly acted, boring tosh. Total waste of a good book and almost two hours of my life! Awful. Absolutely awful.

Hands down, this HAS to be one of the WORST movies ever made.

It's a mess.

Not a film noir. It's a film No

Struggling writer Samson Young (Billy Bob Thornton), sleazy darts player Keith Talent (Jim Sturgess), and well dressed man Guy Clinch (Theo James) are in a dive bar when Nicola Six (Amber Heard) walks in dressed in sexy mourning. The clairvoyant femme fatale can see the deaths of people. In that moment, she realizes that she has seen her eventual murderer. She lives above Samson and is a character in the story he's writing.

It's a disjointed mess. I like a few of the surreal touches but dislike a whole lot more other ones. The Enola Gay makes Guy look stupid or is the writing stupid? Or is the writer's expectations of the audience is too low? At least, the story could be about Bockscar and Fat Man. It just makes the movie stupid overall. Next, Samson Young is an unreliable narrator. He's a sleepy unreliable creator. It makes everything in the movie unreliable. In addition, Amber Heard is nothing but sex. She's an empty character. There is no motivation. She is a figment of Samson's imagination. She is a surreal fake creation of the male libido. She's a sex robot bending to each male's fantasy. Finally, there is Jim Sturgess contorting his face unnaturally beyond camp. It's completely ridiculous. With the darts playing, it reminds me of The Big Lebowski but in a bad way. There is no loveable character. There is no fun. There is no enjoyable quirkiness. This is a mess waiting for the reveal which I don't care about with characters that are not compelling.

A pathetic attempt of a deep, interesting and artsy movie. Just awful, and I usually find some good things in bad movies. Do yourself a big favour and avoid this utter failure.

Apparently the lead actress was a looker ten years ago and this made up for a complete absence of acting talent. she is not a looker unless one means her own blank stare, and she just destroys the film with unbelievably bad acting.

FYI for the one person who posted four reviews under different names saying "get the directors cut" -- all of us giving this one or two stars did see the directors cut. It IS the directors cut streaming. It is just as bad only more nonsense. More garbage does not make the garbage better.