House

Heading to see a marriage counselor, the Singletons (Reynaldo Rosales and Heidi Dippold) blow two tires on an Alabama back road. Looking for help, they stumble upon the isolated Wayside Inn and find another couple there as well. The place is run by a creepy family (Leslie Easterbrook, Bill Moseley, and Lew Temple) and they offer to let everyone stay. After a rather tense dinner, the Singletons try to leave but are confronted by The Tin Man, a masked figure who demands the visitors pay for their various sins.

Based on the book by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti, House was given a limited theatrical release in November 2008. It opened in my area (we're just down the road from The 700 Club), but I didn't go see it. I kind of wish I had as R-rated horror film aimed at Christian audiences isn't likely to happen that often. Director Robby Henson does a good job creating atmosphere (the SAW films were obviously a huge influence) and the production does well masking Poland for rural Alabama. The script is a bit simplistic ("Light destroys darkness" says the angel surrogate character) and the story steals a big page from Carnival of Souls (1962). The supporting cast is good as the crazy family and reads like the line up at a horror convention. To solidify that fact, Michael Madsen also shows up as a cop.

Let me first say I watched it so you don't have to. House seems to be a film geared to horror movie fans, surfing along on the bet that people are going to appreciate seeing reenactments of familiar scenarios. So familiar in fact that it has a rip off quality to it, which ultimately comes across as lazy. The plot, if there is one, is about four extremely attractive young people, stranded at the same time in a house in the middle of nowhere. When WILL these youngin's learn not to drive their classic cars down dirt roads in the boonies? There's a creepy family out there, just waiting to freak their freaks. The house in question IS pretty cool, I wouldn't mind owning it. It's big and lit with green lights and decorated with serial killer wallpaper. Its basement is enormous and there are serious plumbing problems. Absolutely nothing justifies the R rating, this could have aired on the Sci-fi channel without edits. Was there a bribe on the part of the producers? "Please sir, give us an R, that'll bring 'em in expecting shocks and gore". This movie has a Texas Chainsaw-lite family, suggestions of Satanism, little girl ghost, crazed killer, vaporous black smoke, Spielberg like whispy thingies, gravity defying water, a thunderstorm that appears right on cue, no cell phone signals, several twists, and Michael Madson cashing a paycheck. You'd think, that with all this, there would be something to watch, but no. It goes in many directions, only to switch to another direction with no point, purpose or resolution. Awful.

I was kind of looking forward to this movie as it looked like one of those that might make me not be able to sleep for a while. However, I just watched it and the story was interesting but I was not frightened at all.

The acting isn't very good. In most scenes where something intense is supposed to be happening, the actors just seem to overreact. In other cases they don't seem freaked out at all by what's going on. But the worst part about the acting is that the 'evil ones' mostly just make you laugh. It's like watching a comedy that spoofs horror films.

The sound effects also contribute to a negative part of this film. The voices you hear in the background are just too typical. For example, I could swear I had heard the 'laughing child' voice in at least 20 other horror movies.

I really hoped that this film would stand out. Unfourtunately, the story is the only part that's unique. I haven't read the novel but I think it's safe to say that this story is much better imagined than watched on the screen.

3/10 stars. Sadly, it's not worth the watch.

Jack and Stephanie, a bickering married couple on their way to couples' counseling, get stranded in the woods after two of their tires get a flat. They find themselves at an old hotel to get out of the pouring rain and possibly call for help. There they find another stranded couple, Leslie and Randy, who are the only other guests there. All four soon find themselves meeting the owner's of the hotel who seem slightly off somehow. They decide to make the best of a bad situation until a maniac known as "the Tin Man" who's outside gives them an ultimatum: They all have till dawn to kill one of the four or they all die. They each have to face their inner demons respectively if they wish to survive the night.

The juxtaposition of the term 'Christian Horror' has always struck me as somewhat peculiar as someone who grew up in the 1980's where a good many of the horror offerings had slightly religious morality: you had premarital sex, you died, you did drugs, you died, etcetera, etc. But I digress, this had something most of the self-monikered 'christian' films lacked, good production values. Making it only doubly sad that the film's saddled with such a cliché story, poor characterization, trite dialog, and mediocre acting. I've heard the book is better, as is often the case, but i'm not reviewing the book. And as a film, this ultimately fails.

My Grade: D+

DVD Extras: Trailers for Bella, & The Spirit. That's all, some director's commentary would've been nice but alas no

• This House may cause death by boredom - OK, I watched this movie because the rating on IMDb was above 5 and that's, most of the time, enough for a Horror movie. I mean, come on! "Thir13en Ghosts" has 5 stars!!! it was awful, but at least it was fun!!! I don't expect much of a horror movie but, even so, "House" is a total disappointment.

Predictable, terrible plot, bad acting (even for the average Horror movie) and one of the silliest, worst endings I've ever seen. Even Michael Madsen couldn't save the movie, even when he is perfect for the character and his mere glance is enough to make one nervous.

I'm not going to bore you as this movie did to me. Let's say that if you are looking for a horror flick to watch on a Sunday afternoon, stay away from this one! it is simply boring and a waste of time.

I wish I had read some of the other reviews before giving a chance to this movie. It's sad to say but now I know I don't have to trust the ratings from this page. Go for the reviews instead! ;)