Vagina dentata

This is an independent film that has not one actor or actress I have ever heard of, but, wow, is it original! The characters don't even have last names in their credits. They are just Dawn, Tobey, Bill, etc.

Dawn is a high school girl who has taken a pledge of chastity until marriage. She is a classical beauty, a rather Scandinavian looking girl. She has a wastoid of a stepbrother (her stepdad's son) who spends his time sleeping, having rampant casual sex with a slew of girls, and keeping a "pet" attack dog in a cage in his room.

Well, unfortunately, Dawn's first sexual experience, with a boy who seems so nice and so sweet on her, turns into assault with devastating effects on the boy, that being death. Dawn is at first horrified by what has happened, does some internet research, and realizes she has "teeth" down there. At first she feels like this is some kind of punishment, some kind of chastity belt, but then she realizes that these teeth only attack when she feels violated. As she learns to control these "teeth" she begins to feel empowered. And although the journey is unpredictable, the destination is entirely predictable from about a quarter of the way into the film. That's the reason I don't give it an eight.

There is not an over abundance of gore, just enough so that you see what happened. I will say the film does have men coming off as very opportunistic, either that or Dawn is the unluckiest girl in the history of the world. And the film has one quirky gimmick. Throughout the film you see two towers of a nuclear power plant. The assumption you might make is that Dawn has this physical feature from growing up in the plant's shadow. But not one word is ever spoken about it. That's what makes it great. The film doesn't lecture you about anything that happens here. It just tells a story and leaves the viewer to draw their own conclusions, and it really works as a dark comedy/horror combo. I'd recommend it.

Dawn (Jess Weixler) is not like the other girls. For one thing, she's in high school and still a complete virgin. But also, she has a set of vicious teeth inside of her woman parts. And, wouldn't you know it, those boys just can't leave their mitts off of her... bad news for everyone involved.

I have to give plenty of credit to writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein, who is surprisingly older than you might expect for this sort of material. The only film I can even compare to this one as far as controversial subject matter is "Sick Girl". Lichtenstein, what other goodies do you have in store for us? Jess Weixler, who plays Dawn O'Keefe, was largely unknown but is now taking off... I suspect it has something to do with this role. The film seems to have a strong cult following, as I've heard about it multiple times in the past few years, despite not ever receiving a theatrical release and getting ignored by many mainstream outlets.

The film shows penises -- a handful of them -- but not vaginas (a parallel to the textbook incident); is this "modesty"? It's an interesting reversal where naked women are traditionally most acceptable in films. Even soft-core has no problem showing women mostly nude while shooting men at strange angles to avoid the slip of any genitalia.

Jim Emerson, taking the place of Roger Ebert, ties this in to horror and science fiction history. "The 1950s sci-fi premise would be that Dawn is the unfortunate victim of radioactivity, but there's something else in the air (and maybe the water) here. It's called sexuality, and it permeates her everyday life: from pop culture (parental-advisory lyrics, R and PG-13-rated movies) to anatomical textbook illustrations in health class to the hormones and pheromones that hang heavily in the atmosphere, like the fetid steam in a gymnasium locker room. Everywhere she turns, Dawn the dental damsel-in-distress is surrounded by temptation." Emerson takes this is a bit far at times. The lyrics and movies part is his speculation, not made apparent in the film. And yes, while she does live in a world of temptation, she does not actually seem all that interested in boys. She easily maintains her virginity for a fair portion of the film, despite men's advances. He is correct to show that the sci-fi aspect is played down. While there is clearly heavy pollution in her backyard, we are never given that topic directly. This is never an anti-pollution film, despite that being the implied source of Dawn's mutation.

Emerson also draws the horror parallel: "While 'Carrie' is the obvious influence (with genital transmogrification instead of telekinesis, and the other sex doing the bulk of the bleeding), 'Teeth' could be seen as a 'Reefer Madness' for the New Chastity Generation. The camp sensibility, however, is fully self-aware." Yes, the campiness is self-aware, and "Carrie" is hardly like "Reefer Madness" and the connection is pretty much a teenage girl going through life changes and lashing out on those who oppress her. The men doing the bleeding? That's a stretch... lay off the literary criticism when analyzing films.

Anyway, "Teeth" is a must-see for sure. More and more often it seems that the underground films are the ones worth seeing, and this is no exception. You could go see the latest theater triumph (as I type this, it's "The Last Exorcism"), but I assure you that you'll find Lichtenstein's "Teeth" to be far more satisfying and memorable.

I was a little worried about this going in, even as I loved the joke that was the premise: a vagina with razor sharp fangs inside the walls. How much could be done with something like this? As I found out, a lot more than I expected, but especially surrounding it as a nifty satire on the world of abstinence pledgers in high schools. There can never be enough room to make fun of these 'abstinence-only' folk who wear the "Promise Rings" and are amid a self-made desensitized cult that, in essence, dissuades those who do have romantic connections from giving in to their desires. And there's mythology to boot!

If anything, the burgeoning relationship between Dawn (Jess Weixler) and Tobey (Hale Appleman) shouldn't be something they should ever have to avoid. But they do for "purity" sake, despite each others' curiosity about each other's bodies. The first attack is the most savage, and perhaps though the most anticipated, and with a sweet twist: it's a shock to each of them, as she has no idea what is "down there" (all the sex-ed textbooks have the vaginal area censored, this despite the penis right in diagram, a possible reference to how it turns out in visual-style in the picture as men may grab their crotches in unified pain).

To be sure, some of the satirical jabs and slight plot twists aren't totally effective. While the brother character (effectively played as scum by John Hensley) is needed to move the plot along at a crucial point, there's never much explanation to how he's such a sex-psycho with a big dog. There's also a touch of familial drama that feels a little forced (though, again, as part of disbelief that must be upheld throughout). What I liked, and at times even loved, as the pure abandon, like a talented filmmaker tackling the sexploitation genre with some juicy under-cutting to the society that this springs out of. Somehow this guy in his 50s- his first feature no less after years of acting gigs- has crafted some of the funniest penis jokes that could never be fathomed by, um, most people. To say it's a guilty pleasure doesn't do it justice, be it the most obvious jabs or the visual gags and symbolism (the cave opening, the phallic rocks, etc).

One more note: this is truly a "breakout" performance as Weixler plays Dawn for all its worth as a character who truly has an "arc", if you could call it that. Whether it's the sexually confused innocent early in the film, to the totally mind-f****d soul who realizes an old myth called Vagina Dentata may be why she has this via nuclear radiation, and then onward as someone who can use that tunnel of love for all its worth. She's someone to look out for in the indie world, and leads this film along like it's worth every minute. 7.5/10

This movie is like a crossover between a feminine horror story and a black comedy, better yet satire. Teeth succeeds because it doesn't take itself too seriously and it gives as well fleshed out characters. The lead actress is an amazing find. She knows exactly what to do with her character and how far she can go with it. She is believable from start to finish. I wouldn't recommend this movie to people with high morals, because you do get to see a lot of 'genital gore' in the movie. Just look at the plot keywords, if one of the things bothers you this movie isn't for you. All in all this movie is for people who like to see something different for achange, not that manufactured sh!i from Hollywood these days. If you don't take this film too seriously and you have a good sense of humor, this movie is a must see for you. I give it 7/10 because the ending is not that good and IMO it could have been longer.

The premise alone can speak for the originality of the movie. Most audiences will be rushing to this film out of sheer curiosity, I know I did. While this movie is graphic, the conflicting tones of horror and comedy give it a playfulness and a freshness that any true movie-lover could appreciate. Now, its not by any means the best movie ever or the funniest or most horrific but it shines its light. The story and characters are all cheesy/campy but thats what gives this movie its charm. Its almost like whats going on is so absurd and awful and awkward you have no choice but to laugh! I don't recommend this film to the faint of heart but if you are in the mood for something new and will keep you talking for weeks, then I say this is the film for you. If anything, just to say you saw it is quite enough for most people. Women, you'll appreciate it more than you think. Men, you'll be more careful out there in the real world.