Greed

(2004) Axe/ Greed THRILLER/ HORROR

Super low budget and straight to rental version of "No Country For Old Men" centering on some stolen cash by a couple of biker girls of Raven (Darlena Tejeiro) and Ashley (Andrea Bogart) from a different bike, and the inhuman serial killer who cannot be killed who does whatever it takes to retrieve it, even if it means taking on the whole biker gang. Besides whatever I mentioned above from the movie that won the Coens Brothers some Oscars of "No Country...", it also makes use of the desert settings, back stabbings and the double crossings. And the serial killer, Ivan (Tim Sitarz) who cannot be killed, who looks like a Steve Austin look-a-like who just wavers an axe and for some reason, he cannot even be traced, regardless of the orange prison outfit he has on, whose also called the axe man. I felt dumb after watching this, theirs a realistic poorly photographed motorcycle chase that isn't going to come any more real than the bad acting and unconvincing fight scenes happening throughout.

I bought this miserable and ludicrous excuse for a motion picture as part of a three DVD box set named "The Ultimate Horror Collection". Now that's a joke! Not just because all three titles (this one together with something called "South of Hell" and "Sasquatch Hunters") are downright terrible movies, but also because this "Greed" can hardly even be considered as horror. It's more of an action/adventure thriller about a whole bunch of uninteresting people trying to get their filthy hands on a large sum of stolen money. And, oh yeah, coincidentally there's also a guy with an axe butchering everyone as well. As shallow and childish as it may sound, the only remotely good reason to give this lousy flick a go is because the main actresses Andrea Bogart and – particularly – Darlene Tejeiro are parading around in tight sportive outfits the entire movie. And it just has to be said that Tejeiro has a beautiful pair of big round breasts. These ladies depict two friends out on an adventurous rock-climbing trip. When they stop for a rest in the bar of the handsome bartender Robert, the girls are harassed and threatened by a vicious gang of bikers. You can tell these dudes are bad to the bone, because they wear leather outfits and have tattoos, yet they're driving dirt bikes, ha! Our jezebels flee and accidentally recover the $300.000 loot, which makes them a luscious prey for a whole bunch of people. Meanwhile, the deranged axe-wielding killer Ivan escaped from prison and seemingly has a score to settle with many of the thugs that are chasing our wenches. Admittedly this sounds like a convoluted and ambitious plot, but it's all a bunch of derivative and clichéd nonsense instead. Literally every character in the film is a either a greedy double-crossing weasel or a selfish backstabber (hence the title, I presume) and the dialogs and shootouts are incredibly inept. There are way too many idiotic sequences, like the chase between a station wagon and a quad, and despite of the massive body count there's never any suspenseful moment or imaginative killing. The psychopath is apparently even more indestructible than Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers combined, as he cheerfully stands back up after being hit by car, shot numerous times and fallen from large heights. Oh well, it doesn't matter, since I will solely remember Darlene Tejeiro's tight black top.

That's what you get with this movie. That's about all you get with this movie. I am not kidding when I say that two damsels in distress get harassed at a dive bar by a gang (leather jackets, motor-huckle boots, you name it) that has driven up to the bar. On dirt bikes! A hahahahahahahaha! Oh man, I have to give credit where it's due, because when this scene unfolded before my eyes, it was the equivalent of cinemtic masturbatory bliss! I have never laughed so hard in my life! Oh, you also get ATV chases, more dirt bikes, rock climbing, and some escaped ape of a dude who goes around "axing" people. Seriously, if you have somehow stumbled upon the hell which is this movie, watch it just for that scene alone. You'll dig it, man! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

so bad it hurts I guess that people go in life assuming certain things, in this case I can clearly believe this was supposed to be a "serial killer" movie but then in turns out it has also a gang of ruthless bikers (on motocross bikes), a chick who could be a fat version of Denise Richards and how makes funny faces running in her underwear, some great lines like "reedem yourself" and I keep asking why in the hell is Jason London in the movie *hell* I will offer him a better project. This is the kind of movies that makes me wonder that this film is just a complete waste of at least my time, anyway at least I got paid

Two girls, returning from a climbing trip, have a bit of a run in at gun point with a biker gang on dirt bikes in a bar which looks like it's someone's garage. They steal their dirt bikes and end up on the run. The biker gang gives chase, because the dirt bike the girls have stolen from them has a whopping six thousand dollars in stolen money hidden in a pouch (where the money came from isn't explained, or maybe it just wasn't interesting enough to remember?) Somehow this all ties in with an escaped killer called the AxeMan, who is also after the few thousand dollars the girls unknowingly have in their possession. The main biker is a Ted Nugent lookalike with a silly voice, the "biker" gang rides dirt bikes, people are shot with no obvious effects other than having to wear a small bandage, and guns which reload themselves are all on tap in this no budget Z-movie. The climactic chase has the fat, bald, sweater wearing axe killer chasing the girls on a glorified riding mower- oooh, now that's scary.

This is nothing more than a 1960s biker movie plot, crossed with a female exploitation movie, with traces of a horror movie, which looks like its screenplay was found after it sat in a trash can for the past 40 years, and updated on a minuscule budget. It's too low budget to be a good action movie, but not unintentionally bad enough to be enjoyable in a "so bad it's good" way. Watching Darlena Tejeiro's bouncy tits was probably the highlight of this otherwise unwatchable flick, but there's not enough skin shown either. A big disappointment all around, and a confusing one as well, with too many characters and unanswered questions for its own good.