Dark Town

'Dark Town' rides that dangerous line between worlds. Almost a fun gore flick and almost a cheap piece of crap. How much you enjoy it depends on how demanding a viewer you are.

A group of gangsters get caught up in a vampire out break when they attempt to rob a suburban home. It seems the father of the house has (for reasons barely explained) contracted vampirism and has decided to infect his family. Much blood letting ensues.

First the good: as already stated there is oodles of blood spilt. All kinds of vampire biting, feasting (almost like a zombie movie really) and other assorted human dismemberment are on display. Hearts are torn out, heads are lopped off, people are stabbed, shot, one woman even takes a broken bottle are carves up her bare chest. Which brings up the films other saving grace; an abundance of bared flesh. I am actually surprised the film got away with an R-rating. In summation, the film is watchable thanks to much fan service.

Now the bad: it is extremely low budget and not very well made. The locations and lighting either look bad or don't match. The script starts nowhere and ends nowhere, the acting is more like un-acting, and the director shows only limited flare for unique techniques. In short, it's technically defunct.

Gore hounds will be able to enjoy themselves, but expecting quality or uniqueness will only leave you disappointed.

5/10

This is an unusual movie to say the least. We'll start with the bad: the acting's pretty spotty, the plot mostly incoherent, the film stock sort of cheap looking. The editing, especially, is bad.

But there's a lot going on here, and some of it calls into question the border between bad film and high art. Have you ever had an incoherent nightmare? One which followed no plot, but which seemed to telegraph events, characters, and ideas to you? Parts of this film can be summed up as such: "I was in my house with my family, and for some reason we were celebrating a birthday. But there was a blackout, and then when my dad showed up, he was a acting strange. Then there were these gangsters..." And throughout there is a lingering since of doom, no escape from the vampires/zombies.

It's hard to say how intentionally the director is reaching beyond purely escapism. But I think 'Dark Town', although overall not a success, is better horror than 'Urban Legend', 'I Know What You Did...', 'Wrong Turn' or any other number of teen slashers, if more for the ideas than for the execution.

A callous slumlord brings a vampiric infection home to his dysfunctional suburban family on the same night that some of his tenants show up to teach him a lesson. Much bloodshed ensues. When someone asks me to a recommend a genuinely entertaining low budget, straight-to-video gore fest, this is one of the few that gets the nod. Director Desi Scarpone and writer David Birke manage to deliver some genuine humor and chills in this film. It is energetic, nervy, and often gratuitous – in both gore and nudity. The father is a fun character who revels in his corruption and evil. He's one of the few memorable characters I've seen in a recent DV horror film. Is this film for all tastes? No. Is it a shining example of film-making? No. Is it always coherent? No. But let's face it, if you're reading this review, you must already be a fan of bad horror films. You could certainly do worse than this.

I have seen plenty of vampire movies in my day. And this one goes from bad to worst. The acting is horrible with all of the performances reminiscent of a bunch of five year olds during a Christmas pageant. The plot line makes no sense offering no explanation for why any of this is happening and showing us that there is no consequence for evil taking over a neighborhood. I kept waiting for there to be some redeeming quality to this movie. Something to make it seem like I didn't waste an hour and thirty minutes of my time. Alas, even lesbian sex could not pull this one out of the gutter.

Maybe this is meant to be a parody. In which case...it still sucked (no pun intended). So do yourself a favor, if you see Dark Town at the video store, don't rent it. If it comes on cable, don't watch it. We have to send a message to these people that bad movies will not be tolerated.

What do you get when you throw in "Leprechaun in da hood" minus the leprechaun and mixing in vampires that are pretty fang-less, and adding a pinch of lesbians for no good reason other than to have lesbians in the mix (I'll bet dollars to donuts that the producers dictated that they be in there somewhere)? Well i'll tell you what you get. Pure unadulterated crap. Not even good crap, the kind you could enjoy if properly inebriated. But the kind of filth that is just hard to watch on account of the overly melodramatic acting, loopy stunted dialog, and illogical storyline. Notice how I didn't particularly go into the plot line of this putrid number. There's a reason for that, this being that I'd rather not think back on this wasted hour and a half that I will NEVER get back from my life no matter how hard I try. And the sad thing is that there actually are worse movies dealing with vampires out there. And that, my friend, is a sad state of affairs indeed.

Where I Saw it: Starz on Demand

Eye Candy: Janet Martin, Claire Mills, Ariana Fronti, and Meghan Stansfield all get topless

My Grade: F