Dead Meat

Andre the Butcher is about a satanic demon that took the place of a family man butcher who lost his family and takes up performing his profession on everyone that stops by. A ridicules film whose saving grace is that it is supposed to be demented, and that it is. Cheerleaders, convicts, and cops all get in on the act and fall prey to the butcher. Ron Jeremy plays the butcher in a way only he can. Of course with Jeremy, you would also expect to find gratuitous nudity. Luckily, it's the cheerleaders and not Jeremy. If you like mindless demented films with little redeeming qualities, this is for you. At some point during the film you will snicker and walk away shaking your head. Perhaps you can make it to the ending. And would someone please, please, kill that darn half a sheriff that keeps popping up on the screen. I bet he's even in the sequel.

I saw this little bit of horror with its cast of virtually unknowns (although, one of them looked like a guy I see on a soap opera...but then again, I could be wrong)with the exception for Ron Jeremy. You know what I saw...A horror movie that definitely didn't take itself too seriously....and let you know it from the start (yeah, I loved the Uncle Jesse-type character "tellin' a story"). Good gore effects and it really didn't matter if you rooted for the character or not they were good. In my opinion, if you want to waste an hour and a half and don't mind laughing your a** off, rent it and, oh yeah, break out that popcorn.

Even if you don't love Ron Jeremy, or understand his place in pop culture history, you will appreciate his contribution to Dead Meat. He is hilarious, even without speaking a word. The usual slasher ingredients are here (ingredients, get it? Ha Ha!) cheerleaders, boobies, questionable chili, a scary dude killing people, some escaped convicts, etc. You know the drill: pretty people end up in a scary house in the woods, and are killed off one by one after they have lesbian sex/take off their bikini tops/eat some chili. It totally rocks, right down to the sound track. The best part of this film is the writing, which is funny, surprising, and full of fun. The actors all seem to be having a blast, even in the Florida heat. The special effects are surprisingly awesome for an independent film. There is one that deserves particular praise, but I won't spoil it by telling you. Quality all the way! I saw this film at its premier, and loved it from start to finish. There are not many big budget movies that are able to keep my attention the way this independent film did. I hope to see more from the filmmakers in the future.

I waited over 2 weeks for Andre to arrive thru Netflix and it was definitely worth the wait. There's not much to do in my town so I watch A LOT of movies, and all kinds. Andre The Butcher really didn't meet my expectations, which was a good thing. Andre is probably the best low-budget indie I've seen in the last 3 years. I call it an indie and not a horror film because there is a lot more going on in this film than just pretty faces and slasher gore. Unlike most shoestring digital movies out there, Andre actually has good actors, sharp dialog, good camera work and its just a damn funny movie. Yeah, its obvious this wasn't made with the budget of Titanic folks. But the filmmakers really got a lot of bang out of their buck.

The only negative thing I would mention is the boxart. The front of the DVD box makes it look like a straightforward gorefest, which is definitely not the case. I can see a lot of disappointed horror fans out there in this regard. I would recommend that horror fans and audience in general not get fooled by the sinister boxart. This is best described as a comedy with horror elements- the kinda flick to watch with the gang and a kegger. Once you understand the true nature of this film, it is a blast! I hope these guys make more movies, and more with that delicious hottie April Billingsley. She can lick chilli off my toes anytime! ;)

The film caught my eye at Blockbuster this past weekend. Being a huge horror/slasher film, I was lured in by the great box art and the blurbs on the cover by so-called horror critics declaring this film "the best low budget horror flick in years." PLEASE!!! I really question how many films these people have actually seen OR how much money the producers of this flick paid them to say these positive things! Believe me folks...this film is A-W-F-U-L!! If you are truly a horror fan, you have probably seen the 80's slasher flick "The Last Slumber Party." This film is absolutely horrendous.....well..."Andre the Butcher" comes pretty close to beating that flick in terms of awfulness.

The plot is absurd and centers around a trio of cheerleaders who stumble across the house of a supposed serial killer, apparently called "Andre the Butcher" (I say apparently because absolutely ZERO background is given to the killer or his motives). The house, despite being the residence of an apparent cannabilistic serial killer, is actually quite cozy and tidy. Nothing at all scary about it at all....it could be your grandmother's house, for crying out loud! At least make the house creepy to add suspense!! The stupidity int he fact that the cheerleaders simply go into the house and basically start living there (they were suppose to be looking for a phone to call for help) adds to the stupidity of the plot. Secondly, the acting is atrocious from EVERYONE involved....the cheerleaders are terrible and are quite out of shape and homely. The lighting and direction are strictly amateurish in every sense of the word. There are shifts in the picture color and contrast throughout the entire film. Ron Jeremy makes for a terrible killer and an obvious body double is used for him almost the entire film--it's obvious because the body double is twice the size of Jeremy and wears a silly looking black curly wig.

I understand this is suppose to be more comedy than horror, but tell me what is funny AT ALL about this mess? And why try to appeal to horror/gore hounds with the box art when the gore and murders in the film are all very mild and fake looking? And if you can even make it through the opening scene of this film, which is absolutely laughable terrible, you deserve some sort of prize.

This is seriously the worst attempt at a horror film I have seen in at least 15 years. Rent if you dare, but don't say I didn't warn you! 0 out of 10.