3 zéros

This movie is just plain funny. It is not a satire in any way, although it depicts the world of soccer player agents, but not in a Jerry McGuire kind of way.

The first purpose of this movie is to gather a bunch of French comedians, while taking soccer as a setting.

The result is a funny movie, not because of the plot which is not the greatest, but because it includes extremely funny lines, which our British friend might not have understood since most of them are French cultural jokes.

Anyways, this is a delightful moment, and it would be a shame if you didn't see this movie at least once.

3 zéros is a loose series of sketches intertwined with a lazy characterization. No character needs you to care for him. Some are the goodies and appear to be a little humane. Others are here for what would be conceitedly called a satiric focus on the football business. In fact Gérard Darmon (Marbello) is the only character in tune with what the movie wishes to be. And that's saying an awful lot.

Gérard Lanvin (middleman Colonna) is supposed to be a congenial dirty profiteer. Le Bihan (ex con Manu) stands in for a dumb loser (Le Bihan + dumb loser, well that's a piece of characterization). The same goes for Lorant Deutsch (Kovacs), following the steps of a bland prodigy, born with a leather ball instead of a brain, who just happen to be stuck here like the rest of the cast.

To cap it all, most of the lines fall flat. The story is totally erratic with nothing to keep eyes on all along. The music is pure soup (another sponsor who's lost money here in PP?) with a major stealing from François de Roubaix and an insufferable main title (Stomy Bugsy). Down and out, terrible. The people responsible for this must have thought 'Hey the idea is great just weeks before the Soccer World Cup, that will work'.

Hopeless guys.

This is a poorly conceived satire on the inner machinations of the overbloated European football industry, where the players are more celebrities than athletes, and the teams are more corporate than community-based.

There are a few entertaining moments, and some of the characters work well as parodies. However, the character of Manu appears to be completely pointless and more than a little irritating. Take him out the equation and 3 Zeros would be a far more enjoyable film. He just gets in the way of Colonna's against-the-odds/revenge storyline.

I do think this film was more a devious marketing ploy than a fully-fledged cinematic production. In saying that, 3 Zeros isn't entirely unbearable. Yes, as an objet d'art, it is bland and pisspoor, but as a snackette of light entertainment it's not too bad.