Vampire Junction

An elderly Lina Romay checks into an Old West town with vampires. A female vampire attacks a naked woman. Then shaves her cooch. The overdubbed soundtrack has a lot of bad moaning and wailing.

Can I just copy paste that to hit my sentence total? A 10 out of 10 sock puppet said something to the effect that Franco is challenging you to make sense of it. There's not challenge here. They gave him a bunch of money and he made a movie with a lot of nudity and horrible video effects. Then he took the money, said thank you and left.

It's not art. It's not subversive. *Maybe* it got shot in a day and a half. Dude. There's a long shot of an elbow. Most likely because he needed to pad out the time. As it stands, if you sped up the action, this movie would be about 30mins.

Seriously - don't bother.

If you're a big fan of Jess Franco or Lina Romay then this is worth watching just to see newer work and compare it to the older stuff. If you've never seen any of their work, this isn't a good introduction.

The plot is convoluted and incoherent, as is much of Franco's work, but in this film he adds some cheap special effects, and as much of his trademark camera work as can be done with a video cam in a hotel room. It's basically a vampire tale, without the eroticism of their Lust for Dracula or the interesting things done with film in their earlier works. I say their work because I give Lina Romay at least as much credit as Franco, maybe more.

There is the almost obligatory scene of euro-skanks having pseudo-relations with each other, although it gets a little better at the end when Ms. Romay joins the action. She still manages to bring some fun into what would otherwise be a complete mess; without her I doubt anyone would allow Franco near a camera.

If you're a fan of the seventies euro-sleaze Franco specialized in, this isn't quite up to that level, although it tries. Watch it for a glimpse of what he's up to now, but don't expect a lot.

There's no denying that the Jesus Franco of the 21st Century is a completely distilled version of the diabolical director who enjoyed his heyday in the 1960s and 1970s. Devoid of the healthy budgets pumped into his commercial films of 30 years ago, Franco's new shot-on-video productions are fueled not so much by cash and imagination but by poverty and hallucination. Franco no longer worries about such basics as plot or character development, he moves from scene to scene creating one unbelievable moment and then another, not necessarily caring if the plot or story has moved forward, backward, sideways or completely off the wall. It is as though what's on the screen at the moment is all that matters, what came before or what comes next is anybody's guess -- even Franco's.

One Shot Productions is not, as many have claimed, a bunch of fans paying for Franco's filmed fantasies. The production company seems to enjoy allowing Senor Franco to pull the cinematic wool over unsuspecting viewers eyes time after time. VAMPIRE JUNCTION, for example, takes an inexplicable mix of characters (cowboys, doctors, acrobatic nudist vampires, a Dracula-wannabee, drunks, etc.) and tosses them all into a tourist trap of an old West ghost town and allows them all to shake up against one another for 90 minutes or so. Who knows what happens or why? Seeing nubile naked vampettes walking backwards on all fours like spiders while chubby old sheriffs are taking pot shots at old Scratch as we listen to the town drunk warbling nonsense while sitting on a hobby horse isn't supposed to make sense to anyone but Jesus Franco. Naturally, Lina Romay, with her prime deep in her rear-view mirror, wanders through the proceedings trying to solve whatever mystery the director has foisted on the story.

And it's as though Franco is daring you to try to understand or even try to enjoy anything he puts in front of you.

Many people hate Franco's films and some post vapid commentary on the IMDb or in chat rooms or forums about why he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a camera. The director and his producers must laugh at those comments all the way to their respective banks. I don't think Franco is going to be appreciated by his contemporaries or even by the grandchildren of his contemporaries. Jess is so off the map that only his true fans who can read the subliminal threads from film to film can truly enjoy his latter day output. For the rest of us, we can push around the tea leaves and embrace the rare -- but always present -- moment of exhilarated genius and wait for the next Franco film or video that will exasperate us no matter how prepared for it we will be.

And, as usual, we'll laugh at the doubters and naysayers, and we'll make believe we understand the canvas Franco is creating for us.

Vampire Junction (2001)

* (out of 4)

Jess Franco film, once again for One Shot Productions. I really have no idea what the story is about but it's something like a woman (Lina Romay) being stalked by two lesbian vampires. I think this is the final Franco/One Shot film that I needed to watch and I've got no problem in saying this is the worst period of Franco's career. There are some terrible films in this period and while this here only gets one star, it's actually one of the better ones. The biggest killer is that there isn't any type of story and the budgets are so low that it's really not clear what the hell Franco is trying to do. To make matters worse, for some reason he tries various camera tricks with color that just don't work. The performances are all bad and the direction is lazy but we do get countless lesbian scenes so have it.