Citas

La otra pareja

Jackie: I'm calling from a pay phone because I can't get my piece of sh*t cell phone to work unless I stand on my head with my fingers up my ass!

[discussing the bad dates Brett's set Eli up on]
Brett Miles Sanford: Look I know it didn't go all so, you know, that well last time with... Richard, was it?
Eli Wyckoff: Rita! From UPS. She was a woman!
Brett Miles Sanford: Whatever, she was still gay. That's your problem, you're so picky.

[discussing Eli's bad date with Tom the previous night]
Eli Wyckoff: He kept saying, "You do the math," even when it made no sense sense. What a turn-off.
Brett Miles Sanford: What's the turn-on? According to your mother you haven't had a hard-on since she first took you to see THE NUTCRACKER at the Jewish Community Center in first grade.
Eli Wyckoff: Stop talking to my mother about my sex life.
Brett Miles Sanford: What sex life?
Eli Wyckoff: I have one!
Brett Miles Sanford: Uh huh, right.
[makes jerking off motions]
Eli Wyckoff: Ok, y'know, it counts. I spent 10 years learning which buttons to push, now I just have to look at myself and I cum.
Brett Miles Sanford: Eww.

[Eli's mother has just left an embarrassing message on his machine that Tom overheard]
Eli Wyckoff: Oh my God, I'm gonna go to the bathroom now and hope to God that I can overdose on Tums, or Maalox, or pine-scented Glade.

Tom: Jackie would love this bear... Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? Was he? Was he? Was he? Was he?
Eli Wyckoff: [interrupting him] Was he, was he, WAS he!
Tom: That's what I said
Eli Wyckoff: No, no. You said "Was heeeee?" It's "WAS he"
Tom: What's the difference?
Eli Wyckoff: You're kidding, right? You just established that Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair; why would you then ask "Was heeee?" like a question, like you didn't know if he was fuzzy or not?
Tom: It *is* a question, I'm asking if Fuzzy is or isn't fuzzy, what is so wrong about that?
Eli Wyckoff: It is a rhetorical question, it's supposed to be ironic! "Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy... *was* he?"

Tom: Where you going?
Jackie: Uhh, home, to officially 'not call'.
Tom: No, no, no, no, you were supposed to stay here and watch Lifetime Television for Women and Gay Men!
Jackie: Uhh, no.
Tom: It's Joan Van Ark in "Not Without My Nose Job".
Jackie: Oh, angel, I've already lived that movie!

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