Merlin: The Return

Another film watched for the "How Did This Get Made" podcast, "Merlin: The Return" is not just the worst film I've watched for them, but one of the worst I've ever seen.

Having used a spell to trap all the characters of Arthurian legend in another dimension, Merlin (Rik Mayall) is disturbed to learn that Mordred (Craig Sheffer) is communicating with present day scientist Dr. Joan Maxwell (Tia Carrere) and that she is close to a scientific breakthrough that free them. To stop them he. . . . actually what does he do?

I'm genuinely not sure whether the film has a plot that you can follow. A bunch of stuff happens, sure, but motivations, powers and plot seems to alter minute by minute. There are some kids in present day South Africa (don't try and convince me that's the UK film, for it definitely isn't) and they're involved. One of them is threatened by Mordred that they have to kill Merlin, or he'll kill his mother - but like so many other plot points in the film ultimately it comes to nothing.

So, the story is dreadful, as are the visual effects (though this might be expected as it's a low budget film.) but the performances are ... also terrible. With an oddly muted Rik Mayall maintaining his dignity slightly, but the rest of the cast, who are all B-Movie regulars and semi recognisable faces like Adrian Paul are universally awful.

I could keep going but I'll end up repating myself. This is bad.

A somewhat humorous twist on the tales and legends of King Arthur/Camelot. A late 20th century "mad scientist" of sorts resurrects Guinevere wearing dreadlocks, Merlin and some knights and they must stop Morgana and Mordred from returning.

There are some intentionally funny moments: like Merlin running down the road without pants, the knights being thrown from a diesel truck. Other parts of the film are meant to be taken seriously, I guess, but are funny - unintentionally funny. I would say this film is quite campy.

It's an awful film, but it does make a good comical afternoon matinée. It's a family film so I would recommend keeping that in mind if you decide to watch.

4/10

If, when in the cinema, children are spinning round to stare at you, it means either that the film itself is terminally terrible or you've sprouted a massive boil on your forehead that you hadn't quite noticed. The first answer is, of course, the right one. And as for "Merlin The Return", it's a stinker in a division all of its own. It's almost as if director Paul Matthews had accepted a bet to make the worst possible film. Well, he's succeeded, and his winnings are bound to be more than Merlin will ever make.

Matthews' lumbering style sees the picture heave from one gormless scene to the next, helped on its way by the most awful acting. Rik Mayall (Merlin) trots out his usual sweaty desperation and manic panic, Patrick Bergin (King Arthur) looks like an embarrassing dad (complete with silly wig and glitzy, disco-friendly pullover), while the token American (no doubt included to secure international release - some hope) is a kid who seems to be reading his lines off Merlin's forehead.

Wow. I don't think I have ever been so torn as I have been watching "Merlin The Return". Rik Mayall, Adrian Paul, and so many others put in absolutely wonderful performances.

However, there were 2 MAJOR points that made this utterly disasterous.

1) The American Kid. There are some scenes that's he's good in. Most, he is just... BAD to be kind.

2) The "Modern Day" characters about town. The main ones they focused on (including the kids) seemed too accepting of Merlin and his appearing. Someone could of said "he appeared out of nowhere", and someone else laugh it off. If perhaps it was established better that Merlin was known as "the town nutter" (a little extra dialog could of killed that one) and only one person believed he was really Merlin (say the girl or her mother), then there could be a better believability. Also, everyone seemed to be a bit nonchalant when Merlin uses his magic and then Mordred comes through the gateway the first time.

Yet through the holes, lies a pretty darn good story for the most part, and some solid acting and swordplay. Really a fun movie.

I gave it 5 out of 10, because of the distractions, but it's still a very fun movie, though better for kids than adults (and that could of easily been fixed).

This is one of the funniest films I've ever seen. I went to it the first time having never seen a trailer hoping for a King Arthur oriontated Action movie.

What I got was an afternoon of laughs. THis film is helarious. Shot in South Africa - set in englad? What were they thinking?

"Ohh don't worry - it's just Merrrlin" - say the the two modern kids as he falls out of the sky landing on their car - the've met before we learn.... but how?

I found it so funny I brought all my friends to it one day later.

PS - it's not meant to be funny when it is funny.

That's the funny part!