Proteus

This is based on a book called 'Slimer' by Harry Adam Knight. Whilst the book is a tense, gripping and claustrophobic thriller packed with interesting characters and some truly chilling scenes, the film just stinks of a disgustingly wasted license. Another opportunity completely flushed down the drain by people not talented enough to produce and direct the home video footage of a family party.

The plot, for lack of a better word, involves drug smugglers who are shipwrecked and wind up on a deserted oil-rig where sinister experiments are taking place. After a lot of wandering around they meet a scientist with a Germanic accent which sounds nearly as realistic as Professor Tryst's in 'Dr Who:Nightmare of Eden' (which, believe me, is no great achievement). The characters are Z-grade and the film doesn't even attempt to follow the story in the original book. Before long the laughable monster (imagine a cut-price Jaws on legs) appears to sink the film to even greater depths. Doug Bradley (Pinhead in the 'Hellraiser' films) makes an appearance, but even he's wasted in a minor role as a rather cliched mad company boss.

A painful experience. That saying 'the old ones are the best' certainly applies to monster movies. Recent monster films like this waste of (very little) money aren't worth the tape they're printed on.

A group of drug smuglers are ship wrecked, and seek shelter on a near-by oil rig. As it turns out, it's not a oil rig at all, but a high-security genetic engineering where things went wrong, now there's monsters running around. This has to be one of the best film's I've ever seen! Excellent special effects, spectacular monsters, creative premise, a refreshingly non-routine script.....This is perfect! I want it on DVD!!!!!!!! Great twist at the end, too.

Basically a group is stranded on an abandoned oil rig where some testing has been going on and there's a monster. While that would be enough plot for people, the creators decided to add in some crappy drug smuggling story to it. It may give the group an excuse to be out there but, at the same time, it's pretty much unnecessary and leads to some mediocre subplots. My other issue is all the damn monster-vision shots. We have constant disruptions where we see everything through a blurry (green or red) lens moving quickly. To make it worse, half the time the monster isn't even doing anything! It's just running around, not interacting with the group or anything else. Plus, in the interests of being confusing, we'll occasionally catch glimpses of puddles of organic crap appearing and then transforming yet predictably none of the characters see this plus nobody ever seems to hear anything (an aggravating trend).

Finally somebody is grabbed then, while tracking them, they find an old scientist who tells them they're in danger and they should leave. He then promptly vanishes from a locked room. The story proceeds to get weirder from there. However, it never really gets good. The setting is great, though, and I like the concept. Some of the effects are really neat while others... well, not so much. I love the monster's true form. At the same time so much of the movie just isn't worthwhile and there are just so many pointless moments. And while the ending does help salvage other parts of the film, the whole thing feels like a half-rate rendition of The Thing.

Also, the title is a reference to a Greek mythological shapeshifter.

A group of heroin smugglers finds shelter on an abandoned oil rig after their ship had exploded. Soon they find that the oil rig was just a cover for biological experiments. One of the results is Charlie, a shape-shifting monster with the ability to absorb the memory of its victims.

The only really good thing about this film is the inclusion of cult actor Doug Bradley, and unfortunately he plays a very small role. The special effects and makeup are also pretty decent, but it seems like a waste to have included them in such a terrible film.

Maybe I should have caught on by the time they ripped off the "Terminator" theme song, but this was just a boring, none-too-interesting movie. The concept is good, even if not strictly original. But it is executed in a way that is quite boring and never allows us to actually care who lives or dies.

Right. First, lets discuss Proteus's good points...........Now that's out of the way lets discuss its BAD points. I thought films were supposed to have plots? Am I wrong, are The Silence Of The Lambs and Seven and The Usual Suspects, not films? Are films simply supposed to be a load of random images, designed to bore you rigid? If Proteus is anything to go by, then they are. The plot of Proteus is: Drug dealers go onboard an oil rig. There is a monster there. Some of them die. Some escape. That's IT. No riveting subplots, no amusing witty dialogue with which the film can redeem itself. This film is APPALLING in every conceivable way. The script writers have stolen every idea from every horror flick you ever saw, but the director has handled their material in such away as to remove every grain of suspense or horror. This film COULD have been dragged into the heady heights of mediocrity, is the actors had any talent to speak of. But the lead's (Craig Fairbrass) inability to sound anything other than a cockney wideboy, and his complete and chronic lack of charisma, throw THIS feeble idea firmly down the toilet. It turns out that the monster that is killing some of the drug dealers on board the ship is a shape shifter (that's handy guys, now you don't have to pay any money for a monster suit), invented by some scientists (supposedly brilliant, but haven't they learnt that genetic experiments in secret laboratories always end with disaster?). When the first scientist marches in and says "I am Dr Soames" in the worst German accent ever committed to screen, all that is missing is the boos and hissing from the kids in the audience. And surely, people in films like this, fighting genetic experiments gone horribly wrong are supposed to be heroic? The script and the acting are both so appallingly bad that you want every single character to die. In incredible pain. The film tries to redeem itself at the end with an explosion (wow, that was good. There was an explosion in "Leprechaun", for Christs sakes) and the appearance of the monster in its real form. It's a rubber shark. Ooh. Don't get too scared. I can't remember what happens at the end of "Proteus". But I don't care. I knew I wasn't going to care while I was watching it. To this day, I still want the people behind "Proteus" to give me an hour and a half of my life back, so I can use it for something useful, like watching grass grow in my back garden. I hope the rubber shark doesn't get me. I give this a generous 0 out of 10.