Parker Kane

The credit roll tells you all you need to know about this film.

As I see the stars like Marisa Tomei and Stellan Skarsgård intertwined with every detective cliché combined with a bad 90's synth soundtrack, I knew this would be a loser.

And if that wasn't enough, the terrible 1st person narration in the first minute almost made me cry. Parker Kane slings his gun like a safety video on how not to handle a weapon, and the fight choreography is sad considering veteran stuntman Henry King has a featured role.

Really, this movie doesn't even rate a wiki page. Just sad how a good detective movie is totally wasted.

There were but two reasons for me to see this film. First of all Stellan Skarsgard and Marisa Tomei were in it (who are both good actors) and I had nothing better to do. While seeing the film though, I immediately thought of something better to do: SLEEP! This film is a complete waste of time. It is a standard ex-cop flick. The ex-copper is the best there ever was, but he was fired. He keeps doing stuff on his own to the dislike of his former buddies and he saves the day. All BIG surprises (NOT!!!). Go to sleep, or if you have insomnia, try this one.

4 out of 10

The perfect 6 step recipe for a boring middle of the road movie:

1. Take one burnt-out, rogue ex-cop with a bad attitude, yet a sensitive touch as well (closet concert pianist with a pet cat);

2. Add some "cool" retro gadgets like a beat-up Porsche 356, a roaring bike, a heavily patched leather jacket and a pair of cowboy boots with holes in the soles;

3. Mix in a couple of "free-spirit" locations e.g. a trendy sea-side apartment and a dedicated diner booth for an office;

4. Spice it up with "deep" socio-romantic themes such as a post-divorce-traumatized-but-finally-remarrying-ex-wife, a secretly-admiring-and-therefore-forgiving-waitress, a pair-of-former-colleague-cops-only-one-of-whom-is-really-a-complete-jerk and a best-buddy-getting-iced-over-a-suitcase-full-of-illegal-$$$;

5. Let it simmer for about 90 minutes in a "fast-paced" though not necessarily logical or internally consistent sequence of mediocre action scenes, cheap tender moments and sluggish wise-cracks;

6. Serve with either a comfortable pillow to sleep straight through it all or something a bit more interesting (don't worry: even the yellow pages will do!).

This movie is surprised the heck out of me. To be honest with you, when I first saw this movie, I didn't really like it. I don't know if it was because I not in the mood at the time, but I thought it was pretty boring. After thinking about it more, I wanted to watched it again to see if I could make more sense of it, which I did when I saw it again. Now it is definitely a movie I would see again. In fact I think it gets better every time I watch it. If you're one of those people who hates this movie, try watching with an open mind and understand that this movie may be "different" because it broke all kinds of new ground. Oh yeah, and actually listen to what they say instead of hoping to see crazy explosions and what not.

Wow...

Reading through these comments, I see a remarkable socio-cultural clash theme emerging between the US and ... the Dutch! The US P.o.V. appears to be that this is quite a good little movie, Parker being a likable hero, the story a light-hearted rendition of what could be a glorified form of reality.

All three Dutch reviewers view the world through a totally different pair of glasses it seems. They categorically and in surprisingly similar terms agree the movie is a disaster.

Far be it from me to take sides in what appears to be a dispute between cultures, on this item as wide apart as the ocean that separates them geographically. Still, based on factual observation - I saw the movie with my very own eyes - I suspect the Dutch are not too far off the mark:

"Parker Kane" is poorly made, utterly boring, and really not worth the celluloid that was no doubt wasted in its creation.