El enigma del talismán

The title suggests this is likely to be about women who fight with swords. That's certainly the case, but when we see that they do this wearing boots and bikinis (while their male allies and opponents of course dress far more modestly) it's fairly obvious what kind of movie this is. In fact it's a standard Conan-style fantasy. A powerful wizard-warrior is invading and two young Amazons are sent on a quest for a magic sword – the only thing which can defeat him. There's not a whole lot of originality in this theme, and not much elsewhere either, but there is a surprise or two, and the shape-shifting lioness is a nice touch.

The budget is very low, the special effects laughable, the acting poor across the board, the direction clumsy and the dialog always predictable. The fight scenes need a Cory Yuen makeover – even the martial arts trained (and splendidly named!) Windsor Taylor Randolph, who plays Dyala, the lead Amazon, is unconvincing as a swordswoman. But the story, though unoriginal, is good enough to maintain some interest and excitement.

This movie isn't about any of that though. It's about bare female skin, the bikini-clad Amazons, and various women they need to rescue, who keep ending up naked. There's even a brief sex scene. Some of the bodies on display, particularly the truly gorgeous Penelope Reed as Dyala's sidekick, are athletic rather than soft starlet types and, while the nudity is always gratuitous, it's definitely not unpleasant.

Anyone who enjoys a corny fantasy quest with tough women and isn't put off by the exploitation side, should have fun watching this.

Reading the already-written reviews here, it's hard to get a real sense of what this film is like -- is it soft-core? (answer: no). Is it good sword/sorcery? (answer: hm, not really). Is it too terrible to watch? (not exactly, but ...)

"Thelma and Louise" it ain't, but Dyala's role is clearly a Heroic Quest through-and-through, and if being an Amazon means she has to do it in a leather bikini and an Olivia Newton-John headband, then that's what she'll have to do.

First, the good: the main character is actually, really, in real-life, honestly trained in weapons fighting, and it shows. This is important because -- if you hadn't guessed -- a lot of this movie involves fighting.

The not-so-good: a lot of the fighting is 1960s TV-level, and a lot of the acting is worse. Some of it isn't, but enough is. This wouldn't matter so much if it wasn't a bit sluggish for the first half. Being very low-budget, it compensates for all of its faults with showing more skin than might otherwise seem necessary.

Now, here's where "Amazons" reveals a surprising quality: it overwhelmingly meets the Bechdel-Wallace test for the portrayal of women in fiction. Almost all significant characters are women (the notable exception being the villain), and they almost never talk about men. There are indeed Amazon men, but the actresses perform all the heroic functions, and the story is entirely what dominates their conversations. So this film accomplishes the interesting feat of being an overtly exploitative film (in that almost every one of them are young, athletic females who are minimally clothed) that's also a semi-capable celebration of female self-empowerment. And they don't do it campy or cartoonish; the actresses are quite serious about their roles and relationships, and the camera/direction shoots them as heroic. Some of it may come across silly, contrived, or poorly done, but never insincere.

Would I recommend this? For those wanting Conan-type sword/sorcery that doesn't take itself too seriously, this sorta works, though clearly a lesser execution. For those seeking mere exploitation, it's a bit slow, and not the constant nudity-fest some reviewers would have you believe. And those seeking feminist Xena-type empowerment will find that here, though they might have trouble seeing it sometimes (e.g., when the heroine skinny-dips in a river and then finds herself fighting off would-be rapists with her top untied).

But that's where "Amazons" steps up: in most movies, female body exposure + male attack = victim, but not here. The messages throughout this film clearly portray the women in charge of their lives and their bodies, regardless of very real challenges and threats. Even the one sex scene shows us the degree of complicity between The Villain and his confederate -- not just socially but personally.

As a result, there's a qualitative difference between this and the Deathstalker movies, which take themselves less seriously, and feel more cartoonish. No, "Amazons" is not a great movie, or even a very good one; it's more an OK movie really. But I think the women who acted in it felt it was a film they could be proud of: one that showed them capable of being decisive, strong and heroic, rather than just assisting (or often, waiting for) a man who does it for them. And if doing that half-naked means the funding comes through, so be it.

Rating: 5.5/10, rounded up to 6

Ok here is the plot:

The movie has boobs in it.

Really the cover art describes the film much better than I can.

Anything past boobs was clearly irrelevant to the people who made it and the people who watched it :)

If you enjoy cheesy sword and sorcery movies (in the vein of Deathstalker) then you will probably enjoy this one. It's about a pair of female warriors who are sent on a quest to retrieve a magic sword, which is the only thing that can defeat an evil wizard. Along the way they make sure to get naked a few times, and of course encounter some other women who also get naked. There's even a gratuitous sex scene thrown in for good measure. Add to this some really bad acting and poorly choreographed fight scenes, and you have all the elements of an enjoyably bad movie. I give it 7 out of 10.

If I didn't know someone in this film I would never have watched. Pretty awful all around. But as one tries to find the good in a bad situation - like when you're being held captive against your will (like watching this made me feel) - I found myself looking for the positives. At first I thought all the acting atrocious, including the person I know. But then I realized that this has a lot to do just with the American accents sounding like people from Los Angeles (instead of "good" actors with British accents typically in these types of films) but if you accept that, then the acting really isn't so bad. I realized that the actors just inevitably reflected the low budget quality of every scene they were in. I also imagined that if all the footage were re-processed through modern editing & effects software, this could actually look a helluva lot better and improve it's IMDb score up to maybe a 6.5 or so. (That could even be a fun film school assignment!)

The person in this film that I know was my high school drama teacher (super nice guy BTW, we all loved him). But I did NOT ever need to see him do a sex scene. Man, did I cringe at that! Fortunately, that scene was shot as badly as everything else so it wasn't THAT traumatizing. :) And I just noticed: look at the IMDb credits for the crew. They totally "whitened up" all the names like "Lopez" and etc. Miguel López is credited as Mike Lowe; Norberto Castronuovo credited as Norman Newcastle; Federico Fernández becomes Fred Fern, and so on. What's up with THAT?

If you have an imagination and can "see" this flick re-edited with modern technology, you might find it palatable. Or if you just like hot chicks with great boobs. And if you don't know anyone in it.