Masacre en Memorial Valley

Memorial Valley, which has remained an untouched preserve, is opening a campground. Things are off to a rocky start when a mutilated dog is found in a well on opening day. Soon, the valley's first campers find themselves terrorized by a crazy (and rather silly looking) primitive type who is ticked off at the noise and land pollution. So, everyone knows that many 80s horror cheesefests are "so bad they're good." Well, this one is so bad it's...cute? Yeah, I think that's what it is. Everything about it comes across as endearing. I don't see how anyone could watch this and not have a hilarious time. And there's an environmentalist subtext to boot. Fabulous 80s fun. My Rating: 4/10.

From a horror standpoint, "Memorial Valley Massacre" is a worthless slasher that no serious horror fan should bother with. What saves it from being a total bomb is the tongue-in-cheek approach of the filmmakers, at least in the first half. For example, early on a man says "We've got a problem with the water" (the movie is set on a camp) and proceeds to pull a dead dog out of the well! Hilarious! Then Cameron Mitchell (who appears for about 2 minutes as an investor; did he actually get paid for this?) asks: "Screw the dog, is the water fit to drink?" (!!!). The film also includes the following exchange: "Are you the head ranger here?" - "Well, I'm the only ranger here, so I guess you can say I'm the head one". Oh, and the primitive kid who has lived all his life away from civilization, apparently knows how to create a gas explosion. (*1/2)

This is one of those typical late 80's slashers, missing the point completely. In the beginning of the decade, the genre had it's high moments but later on, as this movies exemplifies, the dynamic wasn't there anymore.

Memorial Valley Campground is set to open and it's money driven owner won't let a dead dog found in the well delay the grand opening. No water, snakes and a unfinished road are some of the other attractions of the camp. The son's owner shows up, after finishing college he wanted to do something more in touch with his sensitive nature. The charismatic ranger in charge of the camp, doesn't seem very pleased with the energetic young man, but he has no choice but to accept his presence. Soon he'll have other more serious problems to take care of. The killer lives in a cave, so cave boy will come out and provoke chaos among campers. His reasons, unfinished business between him and the ranger.

cave boy as gotta be one of the worse "bad guys" I've ever seen, a person just feels like grounding him, he's really not effective in his role. The rest of the acting is also pretty bad. The movie's score is childish and comedic. There's a couple of gory scenes (cheesy but worth mentioning), which may seem surprising because by the time they take place, you're convinced this is a comedy, not a horror movie.

A rich landowner and a rugged, alcoholic outdoorsman open up a campground to raise money for surrounding projects (shopping malls and such). But in the maiden weekend of camping, the campers face a bear, nasty storms and a hermit caveman who is none too fond of his peace being ruined.

The film has some standard 80s staples: punk kids, a few token blacks (though, unlike many horror films, not killed off right away), a campground (see "Friday the 13th" or "Sleepaway Camp"), metal music, topless girls, etc. If you like 80s horror (and I do) you will find some familiar themes here and that's a good thing, in my opinion. But even a good set-up doesn't always make for the best follow-through.

The death scenes are really weak. And the problem with that is, I am not sure if this movie was trying to be a horror film or a comedy. It's not scary enough to really be a true horror film, but not funny enough to be a comedy. What it ends up being is a bland mix of both. The same goes for the caveman: he is in no way threatening, but also not really funny. So what happens? He ends up just being bland and dumb, being more silly than anything. Not to mention the makeup department did a horrible job, and his background story makes no sense. (I won't give it away, but let's just say he comes across a lot more primitive than you'd expect.)

Somebody, somewhere loves this film and probably watches it and screens it for friends. I am not that guy. I have no doubt I will some day watch it again, but I can't say it will be soon and I can't imagine why I would unless there was some sort of money or alcohol involved. If you need to see one more 80s film where campers get hacked up, this is your film. Otherwise, just listen to Weird Al's "Nature Trail to Hell"... it's actually less cheesy and more graphic.

Memorial Valley Massacre is one of many run of the mill slasher movies. The acting is very rigid and staged and the actors don't always fit the characters they play very well. Most of the movie looks scripted. You can almost feel them trying to say the right line. There is one character that in my opinion stood out. I do think that Jimmy Justice did a good job playing Zeke. For the most part though, most of the acting was pretty bad. The "slasher" bad guy was a big disappointment. He's not scary looking at all but he does manage to perform a good number of kills, some of them halfway decent. The killer's abilities and knowledge are totally unbelievable but there is so much in this film that just doesn't make sense that it really doesn't matter. Just shake your head, laugh and keep watching. What I did enjoy about this movie is that it's so simple, light and easy to follow. There's nothing complicated in this movie. Some of the kills were pretty good and a good portion of the film falls under the "It's so bad it's good" category. It might be better to say it's so bad it's funny. There are so many films out there that are much worse. At least this one has some entertainment value. Although forgettable, you could make a worse pick.