Lady Terminator

Comedy is a difficult genre to pull off. The best sort of comedies are ones that don't try, they are funny, original, and entertaining throughout. Modern audiences can smell a fake comedy miles away – it is those that do not try that somehow make the biggest splash. "Lady Terminator" is one of those films. Absolutely it is not supposed to be a comedy; its intention is to be a full fledged action film packed with sex, violence, and of course, the teaspoon of the mystical. It is a complete and utter, nearly frame by frame, retelling of the original American film, "The Terminator", equipped with repeatable lines, iconic images, and tons of tons of explosions. Oh, did I mention that a Panzer tank comes out of nowhere? If this doesn't already tickle your taste buds or prove that the Wayans' humor can be better found elsewhere, well, then … I just don't know what you may find entertaining or humorous any longer. Let me repeat, a Panzer tank comes when called! "Lady Terminator" offers nothing the conventional film could guarantee. There is horrid acting, misplaced dubs, and a story that seemed like it was written scene by scene – so why did I laugh and enjoy this piece of garbage? "Lady Terminator" was grade-A B-entertainment. The shots were cheap, the scenes were convoluted, and nothing connected (really), but this little film never tried to be something it wasn't. From the first scene until the last, "Lady Terminator" remained gory, violent, and full of "Terminator" iconography. My next question is … what more do we need?

The story is a rehash of the South Sea Queen mythos, where a demon (or God) of the sea cannot quench her physical satisfaction, so she kills all her potential lovers. One man is able to satisfy, and she instantly places a curse on his great-great granddaughter. Jump to the future, and an anthropologist is on the hunt for the South Sea Queen's castle under the sea and ironically transforms into a Terminator creature determined to kill, kill, and finally kill the person who carries what the great-great grandfather stole from her many years ago. It is part sci-fi (though I couldn't tell you which part), it is part fantasy, and it pure uncut hilarious. "Lady Terminator" is one of those great films that you find, sit down with a group of friends, have some beers, and laugh endlessly. Then, the film carries – it goes from one friend to another until cult status is reached. Despite perhaps not knowing anything about it, upon watching you will see the cult ability all over it. The "Terminator" references, the fantastic final battle, and everything in between. Made in 1988, "Lady Terminator" again carries nothing for the average film snob to discover. There is bad acting from the beginning. The lack of continuity between the shots is disruptive at first, but as the film continues to escalate from one battle to the next, it seems to make sense. This is an ultra-low budget film that was created out of Indonesia to help a booming film market. There is an interesting documentary within this film that discusses how and why films of this nature were created. Sure, there is no budget, no great actors, and sloppy editing (the list could go on), but this film has heart. It tries and it succeeds as a film like "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" did. It is one of those undiscovered cult films that needs to be pulled out of the dark.

Unlike most US Hollywood films, there is little to say about this film. The structure was faulty and the concept was riddled with holes, but unlike American films, it pushes through. It continues to add onto itself by creating one skewed iconic references after another. Mando Macabro has done a fabulous job of releasing this DVD. While the transfer suffers (only because it is probably the only transfer available), what it makes up in are special features and previews of upcoming releases. If "Lady Terminator" doesn't inspire you to watch more from the Indonesian catalogue – well, one should reconsider themselves a worldwide cinephile.

Overall, I loved this film. It isn't a film for anyone, if you loved "LA Confidential" or can't get enough "Gladiator", than I don't suggest putting this film in your player – but if you are a fan of explosions and nudity, random Panzer tanks, and cheap James Cameron – than watch this film. There is a thought I had; perhaps this redefine of the "Terminator" film is trying to show us what the core of the original "Terminator" was all about. Was it a sad story about the future, or merely a gun friendly film? The world may never know. Watch this movie. Try to find it or pay the $20+ to get it. You will not be disappointed. Better than any "Transformers 2" could ever wish to be!

Grade: **** 1/2 out of *****

Long before Kristanna Loken played the T-X in T3, the beautiful Barbara Anne Constable starred as an indestructible female killing machine in Lady Terminator, a hilariously inept Indonesian rip-off of James Cameron's sci-fi classic The Terminator.

The film begins with the South Sea Queen having sex with a guy with big hair, before chewing off his tackle with her snatch, asking 'Is there any man who can satisfy me?'. Her next conquest, her 100th husband, isn't about to let the queen take his manhood, pulling the source of the queen's power—a snake—from between her legs, and banishing her to the sea. Before the waves swallow up her castle, the queen swears vengeance on the man's great grand-daughter.

A century later, and the spirit of the South Sea Queen possesses sexy anthropology student Tania (the beautiful Barbara Anne Constable) by magically inserting a snake up her chuff; she then proceeds to carry out her threat, hunting down aspiring pop singer Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker), descendant of the man who betrayed her.

From hereon-in, Lady Terminator consists of cheap but very bloody carbon copies of The Terminator's most iconic scenes, with a nightclub shootout (but only after Erica has sung a dreadful song in its entirety), an assault on a police station (with lots and lots of juicy squibs, including bloody shots to the crotch), and the Lady Terminator performing surgery on herself, removing her eyeball to run it under a tap, before popping it back in.

All of this is executed with very little technical prowess but lots of gusto, making the film a blast for fans of cheap, foreign exploitation. More violent than Cameron's film, with the added bonus of lots of nudity courtesy of sexy Barbara Anne Constable, and a memorable turn from Adam Stardust as gung-ho cop Snake, who sports one of cinema's most impressive mullets, this is trashy z-grade fun from start to finish.

Perhaps it's best to describe "LADY TERMINATOR" as one of the whacked-out weirdest, most inept and certainly howl-worthy junk creations to come along since, well, since as long as one can remember.

What starts as a plodding and confusing back story of the curse of a South Seas dragon lady quickly machine-guns, backflips and explodes into a slapdash riff/ripoff/homage on 1984's "THE TERMINATOR" with a dash of voodoo black magic for good measure.

The story? A sultry vacationing anthropologist (actress AND the film's makeup artist Barbara Ann Constable) takes a dip in the sea and comes up for air both possessed AND nude - and ready to blow the hell out of Indonesia. Rendered invulnerable by the said watery witch, our new Lady Terminator is determined to avenge the ages-old curse by gun or by sex, and rack up an impressive (and awfully bloody) body count that puts Arnie's sci-fi original to absolute shame.

The paint-by-number script is lousy in a so-bad-it's-awful way in its collision of actual Indonesian legend and slavish mimicry of James Cameron's breakout action hit. The film's direction is chaotically messy and disjointed, and the performances are awe-inspiringly amateur. To make matters worse (or better) everyone in the film - even the Caucasian actors sprinkled in for a "international" flare - are all dubbed incredibly badly, making it one of the best "Mystery Science Theater 3000" episodes never made.

I'll give the film this - it clicks right along. There's not a lot of time for character development because there's gratuitous nudity and so many more explosions to squeeze in. For that you get your Rupiah's worth.

Completely bizarre and laughably incompetent, this is the stuff cult films are made of. It will make any pasty-skinned midnight movie lover very, very happy.

If you loved "OUT OF Africa", see "LADY TERMINATOR".

As the title suggests, Lady Terminator takes influence from the eighties classic 'The Terminator'. Successful American films often get cheap rip off versions made, but what is surprising about this one is just how much it shamelessly steals from James Cameron's famous film. It's not just the central premise - the thievery even goes down to whole scenes being taken and even certain mannerisms of the leading character! Still...considering the quality of this film, I can't see James Cameron caring too much about it! Lady Terminator really is a terrible film; but it's also great fun for all the same reasons. The build up to the Terminator-style plot takes influence from any number of films in which powerful people come back to haunt later generations of a certain family. In this case it's the Sea Queen; a woman who uses an eel to brutally kill any man who can't satisfy her. When one man thwarts her, she swears vengeance on his great granddaughter. Enter Tania Wilson: an Anthropology student who stumbles on the old lair of the Sea Queen while doing research and comes back as an unstoppable female in a leather jacket!

Lady Terminator really is pure trash, but at least its entertaining trash and there's certainly no shortage of gun fights, car chases and gory deaths. Pretty much everything in the film comes off as being stupid; nothing more so than Barbara Anne Constable in the lead role. She looks quite cool walking round in her leather jacket and trousers; but the image of her with a machine gun blasting everyone Arnie style is hard not to giggle at. There's some great dialogue in the film, and every now and again there's a little exchange or event that is sure to make the right kind of people erupt with laughter. There's also a fair amount of sex thrown into the mix too; though it seems to be clear that the director wanted to focus more on the action. It won't be hard to guess where the plot is going for anyone who has seen The Terminator; but that's not a big problem as where the plot is going isn't half as important as how it's getting there. The final ten minutes are a real blast, and the last thing that Lady Terminator rips off The Terminator is the best! Overall, this is definitely stupid crap - but its awesome stupid crap and comes recommended to the right kind of people!

Well, maybe the Addams Family. Completely, utterly whacked-out combination of cheese, sleaze, gore, sex, blood, explosions, shootouts, hot Asian chicks, mullet-headed stoners driving armored cars, inane dialog, brainless disco songs, guns that never run out of ammunition--all the things that make life worthwhile. Not as polished as your average Hong Kong martial arts / vampire / sorcerer flick, but with just as much if not more energy and sense of fun, intentional or otherwise. An Indonesian evil spirit called the South Seas Queen possesses the body (and not a bad one at that, judging by her frequent and, thankfully, gratuitous nudity) of an attractive Caucasian anthropologist in order to carry out a curse she placed on the great-granddaughter of one of her lovers from 100 years previously, and the possessed hottie, "The Lady Terminator", wipes out half of Jakarta to get at her. No one in their right mind watches movies like this for their story, acting, or comments on the human condition. You watch them to see a lot of shootouts, hot chicks, explosions, hot chicks, gore, hot naked chicks, stupid dialog and hot chicks who get naked while reciting stupid dialog, and this movie delivers all that in spades. "Good" and "bad" don't apply to films like this; they're beyond that kind of simplistic labeling. What they should be judged on is, do they deliver what they promise? And "Lady Terminator" certainly does that and more. You gotta see this one.