- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [snatches a harmonica away from Kevin he played that briefly hypnotized her, catching her off-guard] That's enough of that, Kevin! That sort of music freaks me out.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Now, if you're sitting comfortably, I shall tell you why you must not be afraid to die. To die so that the god may live is a privilege, Kevin, and if you know anything at all about history, you will know that human sacrifice is as old as Dionin himself, whose every death is a rebirth into a god ever mightier!
- [doorbell rings]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Shit.
- Lord James D'Ampton: No, the common earthworm was not always the lowly creatures it is today. Remember that the next time you bisect one with your shovel. You want some more?
- [offering a spoonful]
- Angus Flint: Mmmm. It's very tasty!
- Lord James D'Ampton: Oh, good! So you've taken to our local specialty. Pickled earthworms in aspic is not to everyone's taste, I can tell you.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [as Lady Marsh places the game of Snakes and Ladders into the fireplace] Rosebud!
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Dionin has a propensity for virgins, Eve, just like your false god. Problem is, they're so hard to come by these days. Aren't they, Eve?
- [last lines]
- [James is driving with Angus, whom appears transformed at this point, along a country road]
- Lord James D'Ampton: So... who was that on the phone back there? Was it the hospital?
- Angus Flint: [gruff voice] Hospital?
- Lord James D'Ampton: Yeah, was it about the girls and any updates on them?
- Angus Flint: No. It wasn't the girls.
- Lord James D'Ampton: Oh. Say... I'm famished. Before we go to the hospital to see the girls, do you want to stop some place for a bite?
- Angus Flint: [wickely smirks] Why not?
- Lord James D'Ampton: Perfect.
- Kevin: That's some system you've got there.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: How do you rate the music?
- Kevin: I'm not really into head banging.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Are you into any sort of banging?
- Kevin: I'm not bad on a mouth organ.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [chuckles] You're sweet.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Fancy praying to a god who was nailed to a wooden cross, who locked up his brides in a convent. Did they really enjoy themselves, hmm? Poor little virgins masturbating in the dark and then in penance for their sins indulging in flagellation 'til their bodies wept tears of blood. Captive virgins, hmm, in the hands of an impotent god. Dionin will have none of that, Eve.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Oh, God, Kevin, you do have *appalling* B.O.! Save your breath... you've halitosis, too!
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Can I help you?
- P.C. Erny: Oh, your ladyship, I've been stung by a snake.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Snakes bite. Bees sting.
- P.C. Erny: Yeah, it wouldn't be a bee this time of year.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Hardly a snake either. It's probably a nettle.
- Mary Trent: [as archaeologist gives victory yell upon unearhing gigantic skull] What's to do? You cut yourself or summit?
- Eve Trent: [comes running up out of the farmhouse] Who's that yelling blue murder?
- Mary Trent: Angus. You would think he found the missing link or something. Don't worry. It's only an old fossil. It won't bite. Sexy beast, is he not? The cave man, I mean.
- Eve Trent: If that's a primitive man, it looks like a dinosaur sat on him.
- Angus Flint: It is a dinosaur, I think.
- Mary Trent: Oh, go pull the other one.
- Eve Trent: Our Dad had a cow looked like that once, called Bessie. I reckon that's Bessie.
- Mary Trent: Silly moo. That's not a cow. It's got no horns!
- Lord James D'Ampton: But only nutty pot-holers go down there. It's supposed to be dangerous as hell.
- Eve Trent: I know that!
- Lord James D'Ampton: Do you want me to drive you over?
- Eve Trent: [shakes her head] There's no point now. Besides, it's too late, we'll never catch up with them. I'll just have a lie down until they get back.
- Lord James D'Ampton: Right. Yeah, I'm a bit tired myself. How could you keep me up all night?
- [kisses her neck]
- Lord James D'Ampton: Dancing, for God's sake.
- [she smiles]
- Eve Trent: [rearing backwards, gasping] I remember now! After I passed out! I remember! A serpent! A horrible thing! Towering above me! Curled around a crucifix!
- Lord James D'Ampton: Was it white? Like the one in the yard?
- Eve Trent: What?
- Lord James D'Ampton: Just relax. Was it like the one in the excavation?
- Eve Trent: There's no snake there! What chu mean?
- Lord James D'Ampton: Okay, come with me.
- [reaches for her hand]
- Eve Trent: [panicking] No!
- Lord James D'Ampton: Come on, it's just a mosaic, it can't harm you. It's very important you see it.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [sitting up a branch just like the Cheshire cat in Alice In Wonderland] Eve... oh, Eve...
- [as the unsuspecting girl looks up:]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Eve, I feel so silly. I saw a little kitten up here that couldn't get down. So I climbed up. Now it's gone. And I don't seem able to get down myself. If you could just stretch up your hand...
- [smiling, radiantly innocent Eve obliges]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Perfect! And I'll steady myself.
- [climbed down]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Thank you. You look tired, Eve. You want to rest? You're weary. Come with me. Come with me and take your ease at Temple House a while. Come with me. It's no distance at all.
- [leads her off]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Oh Dionin... who came forth from the darkness. Dionin, who dwelt in peace in the Garden of Eden. Dionin, who gave us the gift of knowledge. Dionin, who suffered the wrath of the false god. Dionin who was driven from Eden by the false god. Dionin, who was trodden underfoot by the Son of Man. Dionin, who returned to the darkness. Dionin, whose kingdom is darkness. Dionin, who makes safe our darkness. Dionin, who is darkness. Dionin the immortal, accept this, our sacrifice.
- [Eve grunting and panting, in a futile attempt to escape]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Through darkness eternal... Dionin. Dionin, who came forth from the darkness, Dionin, who dwelt in peace in the Garden of Eden, his return... as pain renews bliss, as unsullied flesh is purified, as noble death nourishes divine life. Great Dionin, accept this... your sacrifice.
- Lord James D'Ampton: Sir John d'Ampton was a valiant knight who slew the local dragon. For centuries, my ancestors have immortalized the occasion with an annual banquet for the locals, usually with tankards of mead and Morris dancing. This year--which is my first as lord of the manor, as it were - I thought we'd hit the worm with a little roll or rock.
- Bluegrass Lead Singer: [singing] Now the worm got fat and growed, And growed an awful size, With great big teeth and a great big mouth, And great big goggle eyes, And when at night it crawled about, A-lookin' for some booze...
- Lord James D'Ampton: You mustn't take the word "worm" too literally. It's an adaptation of the Anglo-Saxon wyrm, meaning dragon or snake. The Gothic waurms, the German wurm - it's all the same word. No, the common earthworm was not always the lowly creature it is today. Remember that next time you bisect one with your shovel.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [driving in a car] Look, Kev, you're soaked. We're passing my door. Why don't you come in and dry off?
- Kevin: It'll be getting dark soon.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Oh! Big boy like you, afraid of the dark?
- Kevin: No, I just don't want to be late for my dinner at the youth hostel, that's all.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Don't worry. You'll leave me well satisfied.
- Angus Flint: Half male, half female. Capable of the ultimate self-fulfillment. Like hermaphrodite. Or, the common earthworm.
- Lord James D'Ampton: Or, even the d'Ampton worm. That would explain how it might survive over hundreds, thousands of years.
- Mary Trent: This is getting daft. We could have stayed at home, by the fire, with a good biology book.
- Peters: That certainly conjures to mind a Turkish charmer, my lord. One of the, uh, feminine gender your father encountered in Istanbul. She was what is euphemistically known as a - belly dancer?
- Lord James D'Ampton: Have fun! I suppose digging in cow dung is fun, is it?
- Angus Flint: It depends on what you find underneath.
- Lord James D'Ampton: Well, look, if you find any chastity belts, for God's sake, let me know. The maids are always getting into trouble. We have the most terrible staff problem these days.
- Angus Flint: I will, but I don't expect to. It's the site of an old convent.
- Mary Trent: I swore I'd never come this way again meself, and I wouldn't neither, if it weren't for me brave Scotch lad.
- Angus Flint: Scots, please. Scotch is a drink. Wouldn't say no to one just now.
- Mary Trent: Hmm. It's chilly.
- P.C. Erny: Fuck the cold country-fried turkey and get on your bike!
- Police Radio: I can't. Me pump's broke.
- P.C. Erny: I see. Well, you can take your bicycle pump and *shove* it up your ass!
- Kevin: If you're broken down, perhaps I could help.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: No, I haven't broken down. I'm snake watching.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Well, the water should be hot enough now. So it's a nice bath for you, and then dinner.
- Kevin: And after that?
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Ah, the experience of a lifetime.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Tell me - why were you playing Peeping Tom on my property?
- P.C. Erny: Well, I thought you was being burgled, your ladyship. What with the flashing light and a strange car being sighted in the grove.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: My dear man, you should know by now that I change my car as regularly as a snake sheds its skin.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [in black bra, panties, and thigh-high boots, rubbing Kevin's back with a loofah sponge while he sits naked in the bath] Bet your girlfriend doesn't do this for you.
- Kevin: No. Nor me mum neither.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Well, I remind you of your mother, do I?
- Kevin: No. N-not exactly. It's just that you're so - considerate.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: [in black bra, panties, and thigh-high boots, watching Kevin as he sits naked in the bath] Stand up. Come on. I'm not going to bite you.
- [Kevin stands up, Lady Sylvia looks down at his crotch]
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: My, you are a fine, growing boy.
- Lord James D'Ampton: I expect to be around a great deal more now that I've, um, come into my inheritance, as it were.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Well, I'll drink to that.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Ah! And you're going to uphold family tradition and slay the beastie. How incredibly romantic.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Some people enjoy playing themselves at cards, or even chess. My passion is Snakes and Ladders.
- Lord James D'Ampton: Playing with oneself can't be much fun, surely.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Depends on who's around in the way of a partner.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Look, sometimes when life becomes too painful, the only thing to do is laugh at it.
- Angus Flint: We've been through this place with a fine-tooth comb and found nothing more significant than bat shit. It's a complete waste of time.
- Lady Sylvia Marsh: Do you believe in reincarnation, Eve? I do. But then, I am immortal and I have seen the same souls inhabit different beings throughout history. I've seen you before, Eve. Many centuries ago. In the time of my lover, the great Emperor Carausius. Yes, I can see you now, on your knees, blindly worshipping your false god.