Juego limpio

This is a stunningly bad film, certainly the worst and most inept I've ever had the misfortune to sit through. The acting and direction are not even professional and the script makes no sense at all. It's hard to understand how the video was accepted for mass distribution, there really is no artistic merit at all.

I had the dubious pleasure of attending a pre-screening of this movie at a Los Angeles studio in 1987 or 1988, and I find it really hard to believe that it ever made it out of editing room garbage cans. On the other hand, maybe I should take that back; there are good bad movies, and there are bad bad movies, and I have to admit that I really enjoyed guffawing in disbelief throughout this one. Still, my favorite part of the screening was filling out the evaluation form after seeing this gem: I have never had a more fruitful opportunity to exercise my limited abilities in sardonic wit. If I remember correctly, that document was my masterpiece in the genre. I wish I had a copy. Many thanks to my friend and student at the time, Sergio Canto, who got the passes to the screening.

P.S. I could take a line or two to outline what I remember about the plot of the "film," but that's as much as the writer did, so I guess I won't bother.

All's fair in love and murder, apparently, as a man attempts to kill his ex-wife through use of a modified exotic, poisonous snake. The man, some computer bigwig, plants a tracker on both the snake and the woman so he can view their proximity to each other while he waits outside in his car. To ensure that his wife not escape, he jams her door (apparently she only has one?) and taps into her phone which allows him to periodically call in to make sure she's still alive.

Fair Game probably has one of the most interesting premises I've seen in a while but, due to only having one real potential victim, it gets bogged down by a ton of false scares. You keep seeing the snake seemingly draw near or think it's going to pop out only for the woman to miss it entirely. Humorously, she goes a fairly long while before she realizes it's even in the studio apartment with her. After that, the woman's paranoia causes her to act out in increasingly bizarre ways as he panics.

Long before Kill Bill popularized the black mamba, it was being used as the exotic snake of choice in this movie. In retrospect, it's actually a huge step up from other films which favored things like cobras. I suppose it's just one more thing that sets this movie apart. Trudie Styler, the intended victim, gives a very witty, neurotic performance that will endear her to some while likely annoying others. This level of weirdness, however, may make the viewer question why she'd be the one to leave the relationship >_> Gregg Henry, her would-be killer, plays the role rather stoically and has few bits of dialog to speak of. He essentially serves as a background piece, a catalyst for this fateful encounter. The real action remains squarely between the girl and the snake. More interesting than either the male or female leads is the brief cameo by Bill Moseley, who ironically is the only cast member to really do much with the rest of his career (one that's spanned numerous horror films, might I add).

The title refers to the notion that the man is giving his ex-wife a chance of survival. The snake, which has been doctored with some chemical that makes it both hyper-aggressive and more toxic but also means that it will die on its own in an hour, is a less than perfect execution method. The concept kind of justifies the rather bizarre attempt on her life, although the story still slightly pushes the boundaries of credulity. If the movie has one real fault it would be that very little happens at first but once things start happening it quickly loses the shock value and gets fairly campy.

You know how some movies are so bad, they're good? My wife and I laughed out loud more watching this than we do watching some comedies. DVR this...watching it double speed is fine - just slow down for the ridiculous rare dialog.

The film appears to be entirely an Italian production. I kept guessing that the only way this was made was that it was written, directed, and starring Trudy Styler, and produced by Sting...to keep her busy. But nope, unless Sting paid off a bunch of Italian people, it looks like someone actually read this and thought "hey, this worth making". I can only guess that substantial drug use let this little turd get green lighted. Or Sting paid them off. But that's it - the only 2 plausible explanations.

I don't know what movie the one reviewer saw, but it is clear from this that Ms. Styler is NO actress. Maybe the work she has done in other films is decent, but I have yet to see it or find the other films.

This one, on the other hand is awful: weak plot, weak characters, bad cinematography, and horrible dialogue. Not worth the price of the rental no matter HOW tempting the 99 cent rack may be....."Return of the Killer Tomatoes" was money better spent than this.

The gist of the story: Video game inventor takes revenge out on girlfriend who left him by trapping her in her loft/building/house with a deadly mamba.

Parts of this are so ridiculous that I find it difficult to type them: this guy (Greg Henry) injects the snake with it's own hormones to make it produce more venom. This apparently will make the snake more aggressive and therefore, more willing to hunt for a victim to drain the poison into......uh.....yeah, sure......what EVER! I guess the moron writing the script couldn't be bothered to pick up the "Idiot's guide to basic knowledge of herpetology" or even turn on the t.v. to catch a couple of Steve Irwin's misadventures into the snake world to know that this cannot happen.....but I digress. When Trudie's character does realize she has a cold blooded guest in the house, her methods of protecting herself look like slap-stick - and one need not look too deep to see that the homely Mrs. Sting seems a little TOO enthused about her self (i.e. - conceited - I understand that as an actor one must pose, preen and emote to the lens, but Jeez lady, get over yourself!).

Another factoid that is laughable in this disaster and poor excuse of a movie is the way she affords her rather spacious and expensive looking digs: she makes Play-Dough sculptures - that's right, boys and girls: PLAY-DOUGH SCULPTURES - for kids. And her work is anything but inspiring, let me tell ya'.

Her running around the loft/house/warehouse home of hers, running from the snake as if it were a machete wielding Jason has it's hilarious moments, all unintentional by the way, but the ending is a real screamer....check this out only when you hate yourself, but not enough to commit Hari-Kari.