Warrior Queen

A word of warning: the Warrior Queen available on Amazon Prime is the R-Rated version which runs at a scant 69 minutes, ten minutes less than the director's cut. What did I miss? Well, seeing as this film is from producers Harry Alan Towers and Aristede Massacesi (AKA Joe D'Amato), and porn director Chuck Vincent, I imagine a whole lot of sex and graphic violence.

The shorter version still has its moments though, since not all of the sleaze hit the cutting room floor, with lots of full frontal female nudity and a little gore to make the experience less painful (without it, the film would be close to unwatchable).

The plot for the film is virtually non-existent, with almost an hour of random Roman nonsense before the climactic eruption of Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii (largely consisting of scenes from another earlier movie and volcano stock footage). The build-up is a series of unexciting but occasionally bloody gladatorial contests, sleazy slave trading, rape, and assorted acts of deviancy, with Sybil Danning as the titular Warrior Queen, who spends most of her time looking bored and yawning as bumbling Pompeii official Clodius (Donald Pleasence) tries his best to entertain her, pitting his slaves in arm-wrestling to the death and hosting a games in her honour.

Despite Danning and Pleasence's top billing, the real stars of the film are Rick Hill as charioteer Marcus and Tally Chanel as slavegirl Vespa, eye-candy for both sexes. Hunky Hill is all macho posturing while Chanel definitely makes up for the fact that Danning remains clothed throughout, the blonde stunner baring all. Look out too for porn-star Samantha Fox (not the singer) as Clodius's wife Philomena and Lou Ferrigno lookalike Marco Tullio Cau as Goliath, Marcus's rival in the arena.

4.5/10, rounded up to 5 for the hilarious sight of Pleasence catching doves in a net.

I'm guessing the actual plot of the movie was part of that cut? I waited impatiently to see a "warrior Queen" helping slaves. Instead got a bunch of pointless sex and violence, while the warrior queen lady looked on yawning and bored. I yawned some myself, even despite the movie being barely more than an hour. It managed to still have very little actually going on, and what did go on didn't seem to have any point.

There wasn't much useful dialog. There were a decent amount of action scenes, but many were a bit weird and unnecessary. The queen did have a couple herself, but nothing especially worthy of the "Warrior" title. Sadly, this movie did not deliver anything beyond gratuitous nudity and violence.

Warrior Queen (1987) is a movie I recently watched on Amazon Prime. The storyline follows the slave and prostitution trade during the days of Pompeii. When a female queen emerges and rises up the ranks she uses her powers to change the slave and trade business and free the victims of the system.

This movie is directed by Chuck Vincent (Sex Drive) and stars Sybil Danning (Amazon Women on the Moon), Donald Pleasence (Halloween), Rick Hill (Liar Liar), Samantha Fox (Jack+Jill) and David Brandon (StageFright).

The female auction is an A+ and was my favorite part of the movie. The props, unfortunately, were poorly constructed. The background music was funny and the storyline was painful. It felt like just a reason to put hot girls in a movie. There were some good kill scenes and I got a good chuckle from the Lou Ferrigno lookalike.

Overall this is a bad movie that is only worth watching for the ladies and unique circumstances. I would score this a 4/10 and recommend watching it once.

Other reviewers have pretty much summed up the general lack of quality of the film, the mistitled "Warrior Queen" which I can only term a 79 minute orgy of soft-core sex and hard-core violence. It has elements of both "Satyricon" and "Caligula" but not half the interest of either of those films, due to a non-existent script. However, it must be noted that two performances hitherto unremarked almost redeem the film: David Cain-Houghton gives a genuinely creepy and decadent portrayal of the owner of Pompeii's premiere whorehouse, a heartless slave-owner who cares nothing for either the female or male flesh he buys and then rents out. Mario Cruciani evokes a great deal of sympathy in his role as the handsome, innocent male slave who tries to protect a young girl sold into the same brothel as himself but only succeeds in bringing greater misfortune on them both. It is truly amazing how these two actors, with very little help from the script, managed to convey their characters so convincingly. Both actors deserved a much better film than this and they are the only two reasons to spend the time watching it.

...so the title (and the video cover) could be described as misleading. Sybil Danning does fight off a couple of attackers at the start, and does decapitate one guy with her sword later on, but that's about it. Her character (the mistress of the Roman emperor) barely speaks in this movie. She looks unimpressed by what is going on around her and occasionally even yawns - reflecting the audience's reactions perfectly! Donald Pleasence, as the ruler of Pompeii, is ludicrous; if Sybil doesn't talk enough, Donald talks too much, and at least half of his dialogue is made up from the same three words, repeated ad nauseam: "My lovely highness". The rest of the cast includes Rick - "Deathstalker" - Hill, and a Lou Ferrigno-lookalike, and some beautiful women. The movie has literally NO PLOT - for 55 minutes we are watching these people do nothing, until it's time for Vesuvius to erupt and Pompeii to be destroyed. This climactic disaster sequence is OK for the budget standards of the movie, but it's obvious that stock footage was inserted at some points. (*)