Warrior Queen

Other reviewers have pretty much summed up the general lack of quality of the film, the mistitled "Warrior Queen" which I can only term a 79 minute orgy of soft-core sex and hard-core violence. It has elements of both "Satyricon" and "Caligula" but not half the interest of either of those films, due to a non-existent script. However, it must be noted that two performances hitherto unremarked almost redeem the film: David Cain-Houghton gives a genuinely creepy and decadent portrayal of the owner of Pompeii's premiere whorehouse, a heartless slave-owner who cares nothing for either the female or male flesh he buys and then rents out. Mario Cruciani evokes a great deal of sympathy in his role as the handsome, innocent male slave who tries to protect a young girl sold into the same brothel as himself but only succeeds in bringing greater misfortune on them both. It is truly amazing how these two actors, with very little help from the script, managed to convey their characters so convincingly. Both actors deserved a much better film than this and they are the only two reasons to spend the time watching it.

Firstly the title n poster is totally misleading. There is no warrior queen present n none of the girls r shown fighting except for one scene where Sybil Danning decapitates a guy who attacks from behind that too without turning around. N in other scene she stabs a guy by throwing a weapon.

The entire half hour is full of softcore sex, lots of nudity. Throw in some gladiator fights with violence n end it with a volcano erupting with bad footages from other sources. Rightly stated by other reviewers about a Lou Ferrigno lookalike n we have Donald Pleasance with a unique crown on his bald head. Saw this in the early 90s on a vhs. Revisited da 79 mins cut recently.

Where to begin? The "Warrior Queen" has basically no relevant part in the movie aside from disinterested brooding and maybe a single line of dialogue, the plot is entirely non-existent, and the choreographed fighting looks like bored rehearsals... yet somehow this movie is still frightfully entertaining. It truly defines "so bad it's good" but my god, it is a calamity of indescribable proportions. Everyone must watch this at least once in their lifetime.

This is a rather strange little ditty that comes to us courtesy of exploitation and soft-porn veterans Chuck Vincent, Aristide Massaccessi (Joe D'Amato; director of "Emanuelle," "Buried Alive," "Anthrophagus") and Harry Alan Towers. More or less a T & A retelling, if not a send-up, of "The Last Days of Pompeii," this film focuses on the plight of a young, amply-endowed slave-girl, (Tally Chanel) who is sold into servitude in a brothel frequented by studly gladiators and politicians. Her struggle for freedom is encouraged by Caeser's sympathetic wife, the semi well-preserved Sybil Danning, who discovers her while on a diplomatic trip to Pompeii. As it turns out, she herself, is of the same tribe, but has to conceal her heritage, due to her royal station.

A campy, but dreadfully stilted lampoon of sword and sandal peplum, "Warrior Queen" does boast a delightfully hammy performance by Donald Pleasence as the vice-ridden pro-council of Pompeii. There's hardly any dialogue from the rest of the cast and that's probably a blessing! But, on the prurient plus side, there's a generous helping of nudity and "hard-gore" violence, which is the obvious draw of such a film. However, I must include "Warrior Queen" in my personal pantheon of golden turkeys, which, although it doesn't reach the same heights of lunacy as say, "Plan Nine from Outer Space," it does run an impoverished, if not very close second-place to "Caligula"!

Basically WARRIOR QUEEN is Joe D'amato, Harry Allan Tower & Chuck Vincent's version of CALIGULA LITE. I'm giving it a lower score than I might normally because of how downright mean-spirited of a little movie it is. Cult favorite Sybil Danning plays a visiting Roman empress to Pompeii who sits around yawning & looking bored while local Nero type Donald Pleasance hams it up as an insane, debauched, filthy, sadistic pervert ruling over Pompeii with a reign of terror that would have made Saddam Hussein blush. The film is cheap, sleazy, voyeuristic, under-written, over produced, filled with confusing distractions, sexual violence, rotten music, absurd lighting and costume design by a 12th grade home economics class doing a project on Toga Trash.

And yet it still has something going for it, probably the resemblance to an actual Peplum film centered on court intrigue, heroism in the Arena, forbidden love for a comely slave girl, a vengeance that has waited as long as an Ernesto Gastaldi plot development, and a genuine sense of helplessness for those who are not of the elite ruling class. All of these themes were of course explored under the cold, clinical light of an actual X rating by CALIGULA, and while this film is definitely cashing in on the whole Debauched Roman History genre it serves a role that CALIGULA could not in it's complete form, which is to appear to be actual mainstream entertainment. WARRIOR QUEEN is far less bloody, sadistic, lacks the actual hardcore sex inserts and ends a hell of a lot quicker. If someone was wanting to maybe get warmed up for CALIGULA this would be a good starter: If you like what you see here go for the gusto, and if not you're only behind on life by another 79 minutes.

A lot of fuss is also made over the 'unrated' version, which I happened to have, and aside from some obscured male genitalia in the big orgy scene there really isn't much here that is beyond a current-day MPAA R; The board may just have objected to the tone of the film in 1987. with the 'unrated' version is sort of a marketing ploy to sell rental tapes of a version that's about 90 seconds longer. There's a pretty good Snake Dance scene (always gotta love those) and some OK gladiator battle footage, but by the time they roll the stock shots of the volcano erupting at the end I was about done with this myself. If you want a perverse, overtly violent and sexualized Peplum but do not want to subject yourself to three hours of Macolm McDowall urinating on screen, here you go.

4/10: And yeah, the box cover is better than the movie.