Escuadrón infernal

"Hell squad hell squad we're the best, don't ever put us to the test. We're a helluva of a fighting machine, we are tough and goddamn mean. The hell squad girls gotta lot of sass, if you mess with us we'll kick your ass." Uh, sure anytime.

You can actually start anywhere in the movie and start watching. I picked this point where they where matching and all had matching short-shorts with some type of beret and chanting the above ditty. After a few weeks each one is commando trained and an expert in their field, according to the recruiter.

The filmmakers had a great time making this thing. The only thing that it lacks was a group shower scene. Lots of Hollywood bunny "actors" from small town Idaho and New Jersey (probably). After trekking out with jeeps they kill a group of Arab soldiers, who can't fight, then they go back to the hotel and take another group bath. On and on it just never ends. Don't think we'll get a blue ray anytime soon.

My review was written in March 1986 after watching the movie on MGM/UA video cassette.

"Hell Squad" is a laughable action picture about Las Vegas showgirls who become instant commandos. Made circa 1983, pic was released theatrically overseas last year but domestic distrib Cannon sent the film directly to home video stores (via its MGM/UA deal) domestically.

Bainbridge Scott is a pretty blonde who toplines as Jan, a manager of Vegas showgirls enlisted by her former boyfriend Jim (Walter Cox) to help him rescue a diplomat's son Glen Hartford who's been kidnapped by Arabs demanding the secret of a neutron bomb weapon.

Nearly 20 statuesque girls go through a week's crash training course, after which nine are chosen (including Jan, the only one with previous fighting skills) to mount a commando raid in the Middle East. Typical of the film's carelessness, only eight girls are identified in the poolside selection scene, yet a squad of nine carries on for the rest of the picture.

Poor action scene ensue, revolving around the running gag of the gals repeatedly returning to their hotel suite and together hopping into a big, communal bathtub, due to a local water shortage. Reversing the usual pecking order of exploitation films, only leading player Jan has nude scenes, while the other girls manage to remain covered up.

Filmmaker Ken Hartford is known for buying and selling features "by the pound" for international distribution, but he seems to have short-changed the viewer here. Filmed out west, picture includes unconvincing stock footage to represent the Middle East, plus cheap sets and a library music-type score. Level of humor is evidenced by an end credit that thanks: "42 members of PLO who played themselves as terrorists".

Here's another so-bad-it's-good movie that's basically SHOWGIRLS meets THE DIRTY DOZEN. The son of a powerful diplomat is kidnapped by Middle Eastern terrorists, so what does the government do to get him back? They train a group of Vegas showgirls to be commandos to get him back! The filmmakers hope to gloss over the film's many faults (incredibly bad dialogue, boom mics in frame, wildly inconsistent photography, and a story that goes completely off the rails at the end) by filling the movie with scantily clad ladies in their finest 80s wear doing commando stuff. FUN FACT! The movie takes some truly bizarre turns in the final act because the screenwriter withheld the last part of the script from producer/director Kenneth Herts for lack of payment, so instead of paying him, Herts made up his own ending, which makes zero sense in the most hilarious sort of way.

Hell Squad is the story of a group of Las Vegas showgirls come commandos sent to rescue a diplomat's son in what is truly the world's first "art" film. This beautifully made film has a stellar cast portraying multi-dimensional characters of such depth as the suspicious tiger-owning arab, the conflicted millionaire, and the large-breasted commandos.

The story itself deals with such important socio-political issues as the arms race, gender equality, water conservation, and animal cruelty. For example; a tiger's tail is stamped on by the villain's angry foot; these busty dancers prove that they can infiltrate the enemy with the best of em', while being socially responsible by bathing together because of a water shortage; and our damsel, the diplomat's son, is bound by shackles no one can see, representing the invisible threat of the neutron bomb (where did that elephant go?).

Finally, as the startling ending asserts, nothing is as it seems. The final scene is a shocker unlike anything you've witnessed since the glory days of Scooby Doo. For fast-paced, stimulating film-making at its finest, do yourself a favor and find Hell Squad!

Let's cut to the chase...."Hell Squad" is a horrible film and anyone who sees brilliance in it isn't to be trusted! The acting is horrible (beyond amateurish) and the writing and direction aren't much better. Now considering it was released by Cannon Films, this makes it easier to understand how it was released in the first place. The studio was responsible for an awful lot of crap in the 1980s....and they didn't try to be anything else other than a schlock studio...but it was, briefly, a very popular studio despite their low budgets and low production values. Clearly even for Cannon, "Hell Squad" is terrible!

The son of some American dignitary has been kidnapped by turban-wearing baddies. So, the embassy does exactly what you'd expect...they hire a group of showgirls to rescue him instead of giving these terrorists the plans to the new ultra-neutron bomb!! After a very brief training camp, these busty do-gooders spring into action....as, after all, who needs Special Forces or the Navy Seals?!

The film is simply terrible and I think the only appealing thing about it are the very gratuitous shots of nude and semi-nude woman. Surprisingly, the producers were actually able to get some amazingly pretty ladies for the film. But to me, watching the film STILL isn't worth it! Overall, a silly and craptastic movie....not among the very worst I've seen...but awfully close!