La reina vikinga

The Viking Queen is not an epic about the history of Romans in England. It is not a movie about romance (although there's a half-hearted attempt at it). This isn't, as the cover claims, a movie of action. Sit back, relax, and let your mind switch off. That's how to enjoy this film. In the inimitable style that brought us other pseudo-historical films, Hammer has ensured that our time and money is not wasted. It's certainly worth the wait to see the bladed chariot of death. Please don't try to praise this film, or even attempt to call it a classic. It's a joyful romp through the English countryside with an attractive blond, a wicked high priest, and a Machavellian second-in-command. Enjoy!

Ah, yes, let us now all take a moment and consider our debt to the fine British gentlemen of Hammer Films, who kept the 60s and 70s full of luridly colored historo-horror epics. Arguably, the essence of the Hammer style is 1,001 ways to nearly show naked breasts, and "The Viking Queen" is a high example of such. The queen of the title seems to be based on Bodicea, bloodthirsty queen of the Britons. Still, she is a Viking, even though she is supposedly British, and queen of the Druids, even though they all worship the Greek god Zeus. Whatever. Said queen is played by "International Beauty" Carita in a style so rigid that "wooden" doesn't even cover it. This was her only film--I believe she was actually a hairstylist and did Jane Fonda's astonishing do's in the Euro-Poe flick "Spirits of the Dead." Starring opposite her as her hot-panted, eyeliner-ed Roman love interest is Don Murray, a long way from Marilyn Monroe and the "Bus Stop."

Still, my favorite scene is where the British-Viking-Greek-Druids are sacrificing Romans to the fiery pit and there's this great awkward moment where some kind of assistant priest has to climb down from the big rock and stoke the fire for the next human sacrifice while all the other British-Viking-Greek-Druids stand waiting impatiently. I hate it when that happens.

Salina is the lovely daughter chosen by her dying Celtic father to succeed her as the royal ruler in Roman-occupied Britain, just after the time of Christ, because she would be the moderate one among his daughters--not too militant or to soft--she would have the best judgment in dealing with the Romans. This is immediately compromised because the Roman ruler Justinian (played by Don Murray) and she quickly fall in love. Her affections for him are partially stirred because issues involving Roman rule include religion, rites, and taxes, and Justinian is fairer than other less virtuous Romans in his orbit in being accommodating. The Celts also acknowledge the protection the Romans provide against bandits etc. However, the Celtic Druids will not allow the marriage of Salina and Justinian.

Trouble is instigated by the bad elements of the Romans and Celts--led by Roman honcho Octavian and Celtic merchants whose taxes have been raised while farmers with bad harvests have been given relief. This has been done to draw off Roman forces (including Justinian) from the seat of government and split them up to quell the scattered Celtic attacks, while the intrigues of Octavian and his schemers are orchestrated, and they turn the queen and her coterie against the Romans. (Note a principal Roman administrator is named Tiberian--do up the aura with those imperial nomenclatures.)

"The Viking Queen" has good visuals, and offers the viewer its attempt to portray the customs, dress, and Druid religious rites of the Celts. However, the title is a mystery--actually, maybe not--it is more dynamic than "Celtic Queen." Anyway, the women were sometimes dressed (or pictured) in ways just short of "revealing." The chief disappointment is the ending. Viewers want a certain type of ending in this type of movie, but it wasn't to be, and is a letdown as entertainment. However, recommended otherwise.

During the height of the breasts-on-display, low-budget-epic era in the mid-60's, Murray got off at the wrong "Bus Stop" and wound up flailing around in this sword and sandal howler. He plays the Roman ruler of a Celtic tribe in ancient Britain. The Celtic King dies and appoints one of his three daughters to rule in his place (even though she is virtually a figurehead because of the Roman occupation.) He picks Carita and, because her mother was a Viking, she is dubbed The Viking Queen. (Apparently, she picked up her mother's accent along the way even though she was raised in Britain?) Murray and Carita have an affection for one another, but it is put to the test when he leaves to fight an enemy and his second-in-command starts wreaking havoc on her people. Finally, she's had enough and rises to battle the Romans even at the expense of her relationship with Murray. Carita is lovely (as any former model should be), but her acting inexperience shows much of the time. Murray couldn't possibly be more miscast and he and Carita have only adequate chemistry at best. They do have their own little mini-Ben Hur chariot race which ends up in a swamp, but their great love is not aptly demonstrated in the film. Corri and Pagett play her sisters. One looks old enough to be her mother and dabbles in the occult while the other has a tentative love affair with a local bruiser played by Caffrey. Houston is a raving, rabble-rousing Druid priest who, at times, makes Victor Buono look subtle. Actors like Keir and Troughton attempt to give real performances, but are done in by the pedestrian script. The ad copy for this film promised all sorts of wild events on screen, but most of them are presented in a more-than-tame manner. There is also a heavy dose of hilarious feminine pulchritude on display as scantily-clad ladies show off their bodies with strategic arm, pasty and hair placement to cover the naughtiest bits while they lie around stroking and petting the various men of the cast. One, in particular (referred to as the Nubian slave) is an obviously Caucasian girl in blackface with "Star Trek" make up who probably has more costume changes than the lead! It's not the dullest film ever made and has a few intriguing moments and some eye-catching scenery and costumes, but doesn't hold up as history, nor as titillation.

Hammer Studios are, of course, most famous for their Gothic horror films but like any independent studio worth its salt, it chipped in with movies of many other genres that were popular at the time. Sword and sandal flicks were one such sub-genre that was favoured in the 60's and that led Hammer to make The Viking Queen. Set in 1st century Britain, it involves machinations between three sets of inhabitants of those islands – the indigenous Iceni people, the ruling Romans and the Druids. The drama revolves around the queen of the Iceni and the Roman governor, who fall in love but whose relationship has dark consequences.

This movie is historically about as accurate as Hammer's earlier One Million Years B.C. in which dinosaurs co-existed with well-groomed cave people. In this one we have a Viking queen - a few hundred years out and in the wrong country - lead the Iceni people – who were from a completely different part of the country - while the druids seem to worship Roman gods! But the film is hilariously unconcerned with such matters so neither should you be. And to be fair, if you roll with it this is a pretty successfully entertaining bit of hokum. The Viking Queen herself is played by a Finnish actress called Carita, her heavy accent makes her somewhat strange as the leader of the Britons but she has the requisite beauty that puts her into the same bracket as several other Hammer heroines. Like is normal for Hammer too, there are some pretty good character actors underpinning things, including Andrew Keir as the nasty Roman Octavian and Patrick Troughton as the progressively minded Briton, Tristam. Also, like Hammer, the film looks really handsome despite its low budget. The locations look great and the sets and costumes are all nice also. There's some salacious material included too to enliven things further such as a human sacrifice ceremony and a violent assault on the Iceni village by the rampaging Romans. It might all be nonsense but its pretty good nonsense.