The X from outer space

Oh this one was pretty bad, flat and low budget the first 45 minutes, with the highlight being a sinister Pumpkin Pie in outers space(!!) harrassing our sturdy tinfoil ship and its crew. Then you get to the chase, with the giant Aquatic chicken/lizard/guinea hen letting loose on poor old back-lot Japan.

Bad miniatures, bad sound, the three Caucasians are guys we might be intended to identify with ala Raymond Burr in the first Godzilla, but don't you believe it-Franz Gruber looks like a 6 foot Gary Owens from Laugh-in with a Chermann accent, the other two are crosses between Buddy Hackett and Dick York. Peggy Neal has the Angie Dickinson bit down too.

Your Japanese cast are all kinda interchangable, none of them any threat to Tishiro Mifune's reputation. The F/X are lousy, the dialogue and dubbing grade Z.

My fave parts? Besides the attack of the giant Pie? Where do I begin? There's the demo of the Moon's low gravity, showcased by two actors on trampolines in space suits, the trampolines hidden behind a 'crater edge'. The flaming bubbles the monster spits out at the world's worst Tank and plane miniatures. The great chase where two guys in a yellow-green jeep, pulling a trailer carrying a 'cargo of radiation'-filing cabinet with a radiation insignia on its side-race '80'mph down the road, while the 200 foot(100 foot? seems to chage size...)monster kinda shuffles after them, one big rubber paw waving ineffectively at the guy holding the 'Cargo box' and the driver putting the pedal to the metal. You don't for a second believe that the shufflin' X from Outer Space can catch up and grab'em, but he/it/she does. Riot! You also have a funny scene where at Army Headquarters, they show a guy on a step ladder, moving a little X from Outer Space Magnet from one town to another along a wall-map...Oh Lord. That one had me rolling in the aisles.....Then there is the obligatory stomp through the city, where these rubber suited guys always seem to concentrate on poorly made power line miniatures-after which you get the grand finale. They spray some white foam on the X from Outer Space, from a series of straffing runs-the X nailing a few last jets for good measure before being encased in the goo and making like the melting Stay Puff Marshmallow man of Ghostbusters. They then fling the little white sporestone essence of the X into orbit around the Sun, while Peggy Neal and Co. wax philosophic about how Monsters have rights too...Very, Very hard to keep a straight face while watching this one. If MST3K never did it, you have to say what a shame. The movie was a target and then some for Cro and the boys.

What more is there to be said? Sheer incompetance, bad acting, poor F/X....this gets a star for chutzpah and another half for the Villainous Pie.

*1/2 outta ****-if you like bad rubber suited monster movies, this is for you. Just don't say you haven't been warned.

Words cannot adequately describe the genius of a film that is certain to be

critically examined by afficionados of the genre for years to come. Look for the inevitable Hollywood remake with Cameron Diaz cast as the female lead.

Spotlight on Guilala (pronounced GOO-LA-LA) and his agonizing struggle to

determine his/her/its own destiny, perceptible through the translucency of the classic "alien monster run amok" thematic device. Groundbreaking special

effects underscore Guilala's haunting portrayal of a space monster who is both hunter and hunted, his fate resting in the hands of one solitary American

heroine who places herself in harm's way for the greater good-the preservation of man-and more importantly-woman-kind. Peggy Neal's performance as Lisa is

astonishing, crystalline in its sensitivity. Her coif remains perfect throughout. Fans of the novel are of course among the film's harshest critics-others applaud director Kazui Nihonmatsu's unique interpretation of the original tome, myself among them. The film is more than a visual feast-it reminds viewers that the key to the centuries-old mysteries of life on Planet Earth may lie somewhere beyond the stars.

Which is where they seemingly pulled this mess. A space ship on its way to Mars picks up some spores on its hull. Of course, Man being Man, the spores are brought back to earth. Funny how guys returning from, say, Africa have to pass through Customs and then through a medical quarantine, but some space spore is carried right to Earth. Needless to say, contact with Earth's atmosphere causes the spore to become Guilala (where do they come up with these names?!), a cross between a giant chicken and a dinosaur. It is a lively monster, though. You can see the spring in its step when its trashing Tokyo.

The movie has the usual trademarks of Japanese monster films -- bad dialogue (Peggy Neal's "Monsters have rights" speech ranks up there with Peter Graves' "Man has a responsibility" speech from "It Conquered The World"); atrocious dubbing (why do they dub American actors' voices); cheap special effects, and unintentional comedy. For instance, Peggy Neal, an actress who unwisely used Japan as a starting point for a failed movie career, and a Japanese astronaut (Eija Okada, sadly far removed from brilliant films like "Hiroshima, Mon Amour") bounce across the moon. You can almost see the trampolines. Another time, as Guilala moves across the countryside, a soldier on a ladder moves a cardboard cutout of the monster across a map. It reminds me of "Varan, The Unbelievable" when the army comes up with a detailed miniature model of Varan for their strategy board only minutes after the monster first appears.

The miniatures tanks and jets are sub-par even for Japanese films. In one scene, a jet gets taken out and hits the water, looking about as large as an oil tanker.

The funniest part of the movie, aside from the annoying theme song ("Stars are our destiny..."), is the monster. It looks as if the monster suit is a size too large for the actor inside. Guilala shoots fireballs so fake-looking you can almost see the strings guiding them towards the tanks and jets. The monster smashes through the cheap cardboard city buildings a little too quickly (obviously the director didn't know that slowing the film speed a little would have helped). It's roar is, at first, laughable, then, finally, just plain irritating. There's a scene later where Guilala chases after a jeep hauling a trailer full of radioactive material. The jeep's doing about 80 and Guilala's running after it in slow-motion (not the slow-mo like "Six Million Dollar Man," but as if the actor was being told to walk oddly to avoid catching up to the jeep too quickly).

I saw this film on "Creature Double Feature," a hugely popular syndicated sci-fi/horror anthology popular in the 1970's and early 80's (wow, I'm getting old). I watched it just for the laughs when I was only seven, so that shows how bad the film is if it can't get past a child.

Toy rockets can't stop him. Toy tanks won't stop him. Not even toy airplanes can stop him. Brazenly campy and unabashedly silly, this movie offers no disguise for its lunacy, but rather exalts in its cheesiness. It boasts one of the most absurd looking monsters ever, who you can't help but love because of his ludicrous appearance.

The script goes to great lengths to explain the origin of the creature, so the movie drags a little at first. The first part is some horsing around aboard a spacecraft, on a mission to Mars. The ship is buzzed by a UFO, and the crew responds with a perplexing lackadaisical attitude like it happens every day. They divert to an established Moon base after the UFO just wanders off for some reason.

You have to wait a while to see the creature, named Guilala , but it's well worth the wait. He's part chicken, part dinosaur, and has what appears to be a snorkel coming out of his forehead. He has beaming red eyes, and the best of all: two wire antennae that wobble around like those wire things with balls on the end you wear on your head if you're going as a bumblebee or something like that for Halloween. Of course, he goes on a rampage in Tokyo, shrieking like a banshee the whole time, as he smashes buildings and other stuff.

The human characters are developed pretty well, and the actors actually appear to be taking their roles seriously. As ridiculous as the script is, the characters actually have believable personalities and back stories. There's an odd triangle, with two beauties named Michiko and Lisa both after Capt. Sanu, who just grunts when they talk to him.

Fans of insanely cheesy camp will love this one; it's just utter craziness all the way.

It starts with a bunch of astronauts preparing for a mission to Mars, three guys and a girl, of course (and an American girl with a crush on the Japanese mission commander at that!), while the mission commander meanwhile has an uneasy relationship with the beautiful moonbase communications officer who is a good friend of our beautiful blonde scientist (they even shower together).

Anyway, once they're enroute in space things start to happen, like blocked communications signals and asteroid showers, and a weird UFO with a tracking beam that deposits some sort of glowing spores on the ship. Naturally they bring one back and it grows into a giant semi-chicken-shaped monster who stomps off towards Tokyo. Then it becomes your typical man-in-a-suit monster movie.