El ataque de las vampiras

People will tell you all kinds of things about Jesus Franco. He's made about five billion films over the past five decades so he must be doing something right, right? Wrong! Nearly every single film I have seen of his reeks of Eurotrash amateurism. Even more depressingly, the man does not seem interested in making anything other than tedious soft-core porn with wafer thin plot lines that pretentious people like to claim is art because he'll throw in a shot of a mountain or the ocean every once in awhile. I guess some people just need to find an excuse to justify the fact they like watching porn, as if something like this somehow brings T&A flicks to a more respectable level. Unfortunately for Jess, many films from the same decade literally crush his lame efforts when it comes to style, plot, direction, acting and eroticism. "Les Avaleuses" or one of its five hundred different titles is nothing more than dull trash with neither the talent or imagination to make it worthy of note. Franco also is rather obnoxious any time you see him interviewed. He has an inflated sense of his own importance, which in the film-making world is almost nonexistent. On several occasions, I've even seen him insult far more talented directors whose ideas he in turn blatantly steals. I've often wondered if this man is obnoxious, clueless or just senile. It's hard to tell but one thing he is not is a good film director.

I hate even referring to this as a film. There is almost no plot and from a technical standpoint it is inept. Things going out of focus all the time is not art, it's laziness and incompetence on the part of someone more interested in zooming in on unkempt crotches than making a decent erotic vampire film. What storyline there is is basically gratuitous nude shots of Franco's wife Lina Romay repeated over and over again. Though a fairly attractive woman, once you've seen a few of these films you're already bored seeing her naked. She's not a very good actress either. She brings nothing to the film or her role other than what God gave her, some of which could use a good trimming. The others nude actresses on display here aren't especially attractive either. Unless you are an obsessive fan of this director (believe it or not, he does have fans) or can't get your hands on more explicit adult material, I wouldn't waste my time viewing this.

I came to hear of Jess Franco, like most of those in my generation, from Vampyros Lesbos, and was quite keen to see "Female Vampyre" (as it appears on DVD). These are two completely different movies, to say the least.

First, the directing of Les Avaleuses is surprisingly inept. Shots are often out-of-focus in inappropriate situations, otherwise beautiful panoramas are ruined by unsteady hand-holding of the camera, and the zoom lens is frankly abused.

The plot is even thinner than that of Vampyros, which is saying quite a bit. The acting on the part of practically everyone is bloody awful. "Lina Romay" may look a bit like Soledad Miranda but she has none of the screen presence which was Soledad's.

Also, let's face, this is a very silly film. It is neither explicit enough to be a porno, nor interesting enough to be a decent movie.

Also the music sucks. I was most disappointed in that. I was expecting something much more funky.

A beautiful female vampire (Lina Romay) lures men to their doom.

Depending on which version you watch, you might get a more or less pornographic film with horror themes or a horror film with some sexual themes. I watched the Netflix version, which seems to be somewhere in the middle, or perhaps leaning towards porn (there were naked men and women within the first ten minutes, and a simulated sexual encounter). Not at all what I expected, and frankly it disappoints me that this version is not more horror.

Concerning the sexual scenes, Franco has said, "There was a need to show it, like you must show how Dracula sucks his blood, you need to show how this Countess sucks the semen." I am not sure if I buy that.

Many of Jess Franco's movies are slim on plot, and strong on atmosphere. 'Female Vampire' is a typical example. The story can be summarized in two lines, and the climax is actually revealed on the back of the Redemption version video case, so there's no mystery or suspense in this movie. What there is though is the gorgeous Lina Romay naked throughout. She may not be much of an actress (and her character is mute, so there is no dialogue), but she is beautiful, and makes one of the hottest screen vampires ever. The sight of her walking through the mist wearing nothing but a cape and a belt will stay with you for a long time! Judging this movie is difficult. As a horror movie it fails, but as a voyeuristic treat it certainly succeeds! Not Franco's best by a long shot, especially as large chunks of it are out of focus(!), but highly recommended 1970s sexploitation nevertheless.

Female Vampire (1973)

*** 1/2 (out of 4)

Jess Franco's erotic twist on the vampire legend has Lina Romay playing Countess Irina, the last member of a vampire family who plans on ending the legacy. A troubled journalist (Anna Watican) shows up to interview Irina and soon the vampire is putting a spell on her. This film is available in three different versions. A hardcore one, which I've watched before, a horror version and a softcore version, which is being reviewed here. The difference in this take on the vampire legend is that Romay doesn't suck the blood out of the neck but instead sucks the semen out of you know where. When you talk to Franco fans about this film you'll usually start a heated debate but to me this is one of the directors best films. The opening, with Romay, naked of course, walking through a fog filled forest, really sets the tone for the film, which also includes a terrific and haunting score by Daniel White. Romay plays a mute in the film and I think this is one of her best performances because she's able to display a sadness that really works for the film. It doesn't hurt matters that she walks around completely naked throughout the movie and this beauty is certainly her in prime shape. This softcore version is certainly more erotic than horror but this is just fine as I find the movie to be incredibly sexy. There's a nearly ten minute lesbian scene between Romay and the reporter, which is extremely hot. Franco himself as well as Jack Taylor, Alice Arno and Monica Swinn has supporting roles and all add fine work (although it's hard to tell with some of the English dubbing). This version runs a tad bit too long at 101-minutes but if you get caught up in the dream like nature of the film then you really are seeing one of the more unique sexploitation films out there. I've seen the XXX version, which is just downright ugly and kills the beauty of the original film but I'm still trying to seek out the horror version and will hopefully come upon it sometime soon.

Female Vampire (1973) Horror version

*** (out of 4)

I finally managed to get a copy of this alternate version of Female Vampire, which is better known as Erotikill or The Bare Breasted Countess. This is certainly a new film and really separates itself from the better known "sex" versions, which also contains another alternate version with XXX scenes. In this horror version everything is basically the same story wise with the major exception being that Countess Irina (Lina Romay) sucks blood and not other things. The differences in this version are quite major and the biggest is that this cut runs nearly 35-minutes shorter. The opening sequence with Romay walking through the woods features her wearing panties, which eliminates all of the below the waste nudity. All the attacks aren't done through sex but instead are bites to the neck, which also include shots of Romay's bloody lips. The film still has a lot of nudity but most of the below the waste stuff has either been taken out or are alternate shots with Romay wearing clothing. The subplot and relationship of Romay with the journalist (Anna Watican) is also shortened to the point where we don't see the two characters together very often. Other changes include a torture chamber sequence where Romay bites on more necks from women she has captured down there. So, is the film any better or worse? I think this horror version works fairly well as a horror movie but it's nothing we haven't seen before and it really can't compete against Franco's much better Vampyros Lesbos, which is pretty similar. I think taking away the sexual aspect of the story kills all of the originality so to me the sex version will always be the preferred one.