- Ben Patimkin: Let me tell ya somethin'. In the real world you need a little gonif in ya. You know what that means: gonif?
- Neil Klugman: Thief.
- Neil Klugman: [discussing birth control] What do you take?
- Brenda Patimkin: Nothing. Turn off the water.
- Neil Klugman: Nothing?
- Brenda Patimkin: Listen, I tried the pills, but they made me fat and made me sick, and besides every single day you read something new about them in the paper, so I decided I was better off with nothing.
- Neil Klugman: [pause] Brenda, I'd like to talk to you about nothing.
- Neil Klugman: Hey, I meant to ask you. About those pills, don't you have to take them in the morning? Does it make a difference when you take them?
- Brenda Patimkin: I don't take them.
- Neil Klugman: [drops his soap bar in astonishment]
- Brenda Patimkin: Look, I'm not gonna take the pills, and that's the end of it. In the first place, you don't just *take* the pills: you have to start taking them at a specific time.
- Neil Klugman: You get a diaphragm.
- Wedding Guest: By the way sweetie, what have you been doing with yourself this summer.
- Brenda Patimkin: Growing a penis!